Confused and need Advice, PLEASE HELP!

[WishUponABand 0]

Hi All!

We are all here for the same reasons therefore we should back each other up right? I am in need of some guidance, advice, anything. I am 23, BMI of 50 and am ready to gain control of my life via the Lap Band. I have done a lot of research and have a lot of support from my medical team and family except my Husband. He was where I am at now but has lost about 80 lbs since our wedding 2 years ago. He believes in me and thinks that since he lost the weight I can too via his methods.

As much as I have tried, he does not know the struggles I personally have been through. My Psychologist and other medical professionals in my life all support me and believe this is my last option to lose weight and reduce more health problems from occuring.

My question to all of you is, even if my Husband is not behind me should I go through with it? The insecure part of me wants to back down but in this one decision in my life I have to do this for myself regardless.

I am hoping I can also find a good date that willl allow me to miss the liest amount of work days as possible.

Thank you for listening to my wramblings, I hope I've made some sort of sense.

Please feel free to write.

~Steph:confused:

[hpegg 0]

Hi Steph,

I know how hard it can be to make someone understand what you are going through and I commend you for thinking of doing this without your husband's support.

I think you have to at least try one more time to have an open conversation with your husband. Maybe he does not realize that women's bodies are different than men's. I am not saying tht men do not go through the same struggles but he cannot assume that you are going to be able to lose weight the same way he has. He also has to realize that this is about your health and the quality of your life.

If even after your next talk, he is still not behind it, I would advise you to go forward. It sounds like you have the support of many people around you and you need to get healthy.

I hope this helps.

[Melissa Anne 0]

Hi Steph,

I'm Melissa - I'm 24 and ready to gain control of my life and weight also! I'm hoping to get banded in February - so we'll get through this together!

[Gemkay 0]

I agree with hpegg, that you need to have another open conversation with your husband. It is great that he lost 80lbs doing things "his" way, but with a BMI of 50 (mine is close to that and I know how much I need to loose) 80lbs for you seems like it would be just a start.

Your husband may be having a hard time expressing his fears about this procedure. He may be afraid that you will have complications, or that when you are successful and get to your goal weight you will no longer be attracted to him. There are many reasons why husbands (and wives) may not be supportive. Ask him honestly what his feelings are.

I am sure that he would like to have a healthy, energetic wife around for many, many years, rather than a depressed, unhealthy one.

Good Luck

[pattig 0]

I think you should make the decision to have the surgery and go for it!!! Once your husband sees that you are not backing down on your decision, he will support you. Unless for some reason he doesn't want you to lose weight, which I don't think is the case. I think he feels that because he was able to lose without surgery, you should be able to do it too. Our bodies are different than guys. I assume, like me, you tried everything else first and this is your last resort.

When I first told my husband I decided to have the surgery, he didn't say anything. Once I scheduled my date, he was there for me.

Go for it and Good Luck!:thumbup:

[WishUponABand 0]

You are great! Thanks so much for your support! :thumbup: Where are you in the process?

[Blueeyesinca95 0]

I would suggest going through with the surgery and once he sees your determination and sucess he will probably be there for you. As for the down time for missing work I have heard its pretty minimal depending on what you do for work. I am only scheduled to be off work for 2 days with my surgery as long as all goes well. Good luck and keep us posted!

[TQUAD64 9]

Yes, move forward with the surgery. Your health is in jeapordy and your health care providers believe this is a tool you can beneift from.

I applaud your husband's ability to lose his weight in the manner that he did. Great job for him! But we are all individuals and what works for one person might not necessarily work for someone else.

Do what is best for your health.

[alteration 0]

Hi there, I also think that you should just talk with him one more time and assure him that this is for you and your health. You said one important statement, the insecure part of you want to back down and do what he says". That is exactly what he expects you to do, be insecure. Do what is best for you so th at you wont have the insecure feeling anymore, you will feel very powerful and stand up for yourself. You want to be around to enjoy your life with his support of without it. I had to explain a few times too even though i had made up my mind when i made up my mind to do it, i just wanted him to know what my plans were. Men do get insecure that when the women lose the weight, that they will be more out going and have more confidence and maybe they will find someone else, so in turn, they want you to stay fat and depend totally on them!NOT!!!!!! DO YOU GIRL!

[Living My Dream 0]

Hi Confused

My husband and I both had lapbands put in this year and I would do it again in a heartbeat. My husband was very against it when I first told him about it, then he actually joined me and got one 6 months later and we had to fork out $30,000 to do the 2 surgeries as well. Believe me it is worth it.

We are in Australia right now on a two month visit but will get back on track with our weight loss when we get back to Canada. It's a tool that works if you work with it.

[gentylwind 1]

Frankly, you can still utilize some of his methods after having the band. You will still have to diet, still have to exercise. The band just increases your likelihood of success.

Have another talk with him, find out what his worries are, but ultimately do what is best for YOU.

[BethFromVA 5]

Maybe you can find out exactly WHY he's against it. If it's simply that he thinks you can lose like he did, to me, that's not a good enough reason. If that's all he has, I say do what you need to do. A BMI of 50 is nothing to mess around with -- and at 23! Omg, you have your whole life before you.

I know it's too late for you, but hubby was the last of the three people I told. I wasn't sure what his reaction would be, and frankly, I wanted to choose to do it -- or not do it -- based on my own research and not due to anybody else's input on how THEY felt about it.

Maybe he has other fears he's not communicating or doesn't know how to relate to you. I would offer him the chance to think it over and write them down if he can't come up with anything right off the bat.

But if all his reasoning is, "Hey, I did it, so can you," frankly that's not good enough. And it's really not his decision to make.

[YngGram 73]

It seems that for the first 25 years we were married, my husband was able to walk around the house fast 2 times and drop a pound. He has always eaten like it was the last supper, but he was in the Marine Corps and enjoyed running. I went to boot camp right at 135lbs. and the DI almost had to chase me to get me to run. That was about 30 years ago and nothing has changed, oh yeah expect that now I weigh 240lbs. He does get that I gain weight watching him eat, or so it seems because I eat very little, just the wrong things. It has taken a lot of talk to get him to talk and to get him to understand. Talk and talk and talk, but don't give up on what you need to do for you. Don't put anything off, all of this is a timed process. Get it going and don't stop to look back. I have just started with this and it seems that we MUST show that we are dedicated to the cause. I believe that the 6 month structured weight loss, 2 week liquid diets and all the crazy stuff the insurance companies, doctors and their offices have us go through is to see if we have the dedication it takes to make this new "tool" work the way it should. Be true to you and be a stronger you for him.

[WishUponABand 0]

HELLO ALL! I HAVE AN UPDATE! I HAVE BEEN APPROVED!! The best part of the approval is I talked to my Husband again and tonight he said he doesn't like it but since this is something I really want to do he will support me through it! I almost wanted to cry! Thanks to everyone for your support it really gave me the strength to pursue what I truly want for myself!

I am always available to talk if anyone needs ME!

<3 Steph

[pattig 0]

Tomorrow will be 5 weeks since surgery. I lost 32 pounds from a week before surgery. It's been really slow for the past two weeks. I have been cheating a little bit so I guess it's my own fault. I'll go in 2 weeks for my first fill, which I'm a little nervous about.

Do you have a date yet?