lapbands and relationships

[scarecrow 4]

So, just out of curiosity, is there anyone else out there who's relationship nosedived after losing a lot?

I was already in a rocky - but long lasting - relationship before banding. but as the weight came off, it just got worse and worse.

Relationships are complicated. I don't know or understand all the factors that pitched into the issues.

I never had any band fills, I used it more as a security blanket I guess. knowing I couldn't fall off (too hard) made it much easier for me to jump in and work it off. At first she was supportive - though a little inquisitive - about the change in lifestyle.

Without going into any details, the things I thought she would appreciate - better body, more energy, 10 times the sex drive, healthier and happier, etc - she came to resent.

Eating healthy turned into "thinking I'm better than her because I don't want any ice cream." Working out turned into "my daily excuse to get away from her." Buying new clothes, which is necessary when one looses 125 lbs, was of course done to impress "______". Blank being a different woman of her whim every day.

The sex - which you would think got better, didn't. I'll spare the embarassing details, but my raging "affections" and strong will to do more things, more often, etc - were not because I was actually in good shape, but because it was what "my girlfriend" did with me.

There of course never was a girlfriend. And hours of reassurance wouldn't convince her of any different. On top of that, the more weight I lost, the more she seemed to gain - though I denied it heavily when she mentioned it. And it made it that much worse, she resented me for it all.

Has anyone else had anything similiar happen?

[Willowglen 5]

I lost a bunch of weight about 20 years ago before being banded. My ex-wife was not happy with my new look or body, she constantly made a point that I did it only so I could attract more women. Some people are just idiots and we need to move on. I am sure you will find someone that appreciates your committment to getting healthier.:thumbup:

[ksill18 0]

I am scared to death of this. I love my wife, we have been together since we were 14. I do not want this to break us up. I am doing this to get healthier for us and the kids.

[texasweb 0]

Ron Lester who played Billy Bob in Varsity Blues lost his girlfriend after losing his weight. He had lost 348 pounds. His story is very interesting. He had a RNY done though.

Welcome to the Ron Lester Offical Website

[smsmithart 4]

I'm in the same boat what's going on here?

And my bf even went as far to say that my scars are gross and worse than the weight.

Pm I'll send u pics that show I'm far from gross ...

[smsmithart 4]

Bumpin this to the top

[heschete 0]

This is something I worry about. Ive been with my husband for 7 years, we have two children. I weigh about 80lbs more now than I did when we met. Hes great and supportive but I still worry. Hes super skinny. I weigh double what he does!

[Sarah.R 2]

The reason your spouses dont want you to loose weight is exactly the reason they think they're going to loose you, they have known you the way you are and think that if you get slimmer, you'll be better looking (which obviously does happen) and that you won't be interested in them, I can't go from experience as I'm still in virgin territory lol, but if I had a partner I'd probably be talking to them about what will happen after, if they knew you before you were bigger and slim then maybe it won't be as bad

[doodleallday 0]

Sarah, even though you may be in "virgin territory", (nice pun, btw ), you hit the nail on the head. People get really insecure when their SO loses weight. They feel at though they may be lost with all the extra weight. The only thing you can do is to reassure them and have very, very open communication about your experiences together. I cannot believe someone's marriage ended over weight loss! I see how a dating relationship could, but you'd think people would feel more secure when there's a ring involved!!!

[singand_dance 8]

My surgeon warned me about this very thing. I think when your SO has a weight problem and they aren't ready to change they feel threatened by your changes. Everyone has to be ready to lose weight, you can force it on someone if they're not ready. It's sad that relationships fail because one person got healthier and the other felt left behind.

[Fae 0]

While I can't say I have been where you are, I have heard many times that there is self assurance in your partner being also heavy like you. When you start to be thin and they are still overweight, they lose that security blanket that it was okay to be heavy in the first place. You fixed your problem, therefore you are saying indirectly that them looking the way they do is wrong. The daily rituals of eating together and enduring the problem together are also gone as well. This will of course cause conflicts and may even lead to the end of the relationship. It takes a strong couple to endure something like it.

[sarahbellzz14-4 1]

I have almost the opposite, but the same situation.

My relationship was on the verge of being over because of my weight. He was embarassed to be seen with me in public because I limped and waddled at the same time (I have hip arthritis and the weight added to it) and always had the "miserable face" on.

I was big when I met him 4 years ago, and I lost 85lbs within the first year we were together. And gained it all back and then some after a year of keeping it off.

Now that I'm losing, he's becoming a little more over-protective of me, especially online, and on here. Constantly asking me if I've noticed any hot guys, or have I been hit on etc.

The bedroom area is basically at a standstill. Women, hormonally change when they lose weight. I'm in that funk right now. And it sucks, because we should be the opposite because I'm not as lethargic as I used to be.

Someone above mentioned the "security blanket" aspect of it. VERY VERY TRUE. People tend to think because you lose weight, That your going to emerge with a "fatgirl/guy" complex, like suddenly your shit don't stink. Some of us actually have the capability of remaining the same, beautiful on the inside and out. certain women like to have that heir of confidence that they are "too good for you, and your lucky to have me, considering", Maybe she just can't handle it. And if thats the case. It's time to move on. because in the end, it's her loss. I hope this helps?

[Miss J 0]

This is one thing that I am very scared about. I love my bf of 2 years so much and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Instead of saying that he is happy for me...all he says is that he's scared that once I lose the weight, I will want to start going out more and will probably meet a younger better looking guy. It really hurts me everytime he says stuff like this. I can never even imagine doing something like that to him. Along with reassuring him that I would never hurt him like that, I have started to tell him that we can both start watching what we eat and we can both start getting more exercise in. This way it's not only my weight loss journey...it's his too and we're doing it TOGETHER. This seems to help a little whenever the subject comes up. Hopefully, it works out after the surgery is done. Does anyone have any other tips to help prevent major issues between us after the surgery??:frown:

[Evie71609 0]

Hi guys! Well I fall in this boat as well but I can't spend my time worrying about what is in his head. I tell him 10 times a day how much I love him and appreciate his (reluctant) support. He was so against the surgery at first and I sat him down and asked him if he was going to be supportive... he said "I don't have a choice" like a pouty 12 yr old- I said you always have choices...you may not like them but they are (a) become supportive or (:frown: we will be over... suddenly after about 3 days he is REALLY supportive. I am on pre-op and every morning he calls and says did you lose anything and I am down 10 lbs and I can hear it in his voice that he is proud.

One thing I could suggest is to share this thread with your SO... they may learn a thing or two....

Mine also said that when I lose weight that I will want a better version of him... I said if that is what I wanted I would have been looking for him..fat or not... I didn't settle for him because I was fat...UGH!! That drives me NUTS.

Anyway good luck on your journey!!

[momwifelove 0]

This is what I am afraid of. I have been married for 4 1/2 years and together for 6 years. I have always been overweight even though I think within the last 3 years I have put on probably 30 or 40 lbs. My husband has been very supportive since the get go and said if this is what I want to do then that is fine. He will stand beside me. I just don't want to cause any problems in our realtionship. I mean I love him with all my heart and I don't think I could handle him leaving. Me loosing weight is for me and to make me feel better about myself. I don't see it causing a problem but I have heard of so many people saying it did cause problems. All I can do is pray and keep God in control and know things will be ok. I am getting banded in a week on the 29th of July and I am so excited and so is he.