lapbands and relationships

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well I been with my skinny ass good looking boyfriend for 3 years and if I do attract more men of a better quality it just mean his skinny good looking ass needs to step up....of course I love him bit were young and we both have options

[abbypoo 0]

Fortunately for me my boyfriend has been really supportive of my decision to get the surgery. Of course in the beginning he expressed some concern that I might not want to be with him anymore when I lose weight. I think I eased his concerns, though. No way I'd leave him for anyone.

[Evie71609 0]

abbypoo- I feel the same way about my boyfriend...I love him and his son more than I have loved anyone else in my life....I am doing this for US not just me---- I want a child with him (as he does with me) and I need to be healthy to do that. He is extremely supportive. He drove 3 hrs to spend the day with me after surgery to make sure I was ok.... I know he loves me and I sure hope he knows how much I love him and want him to love the new, improved me....

[LindaD 3]

I think it just can really upset the equilibrium of the relationship, especially if the other person is insecure and feels that once your options open up (and I'd imagine that they often do when weight loss occurs), then why would you stay? It's sad, but I don't think one person can fix insecurity in another. And enabling a jealous/controlling partner doesn't get you anywhere, either.

It sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I'm sorry for anyone who is dealing with this.

[Ellen86 0]

This is so sad to hear, especially since you'd think that your significant other would be supportive of you starting a healthier life...

I've been very fortunate in the fact that my boyfriend has been extremely supportive of everything with the lapband. He was a bit unsure at first of me having the surgery (this is when we were close friends, before we were dating) because he thought the surgery sounded a bit drastic and dangerous. But he came around to realize it is what I needed in the end to actually get the weight off and be healthier.

Even when I've been unsure of my still pudgy tummy, he reassures me and says it'll be gone soon enough and that he's proud of how hard I'm working to get healthy. I guess in my eyes that's how someone who you love, and loves you should act. Realizing that you're doing this for your health, and not anything against them, or to attract other people. Heck, beyond the health aspect, I want to be thinner to look good not only for myself, but for him. Be able to do more with him and know that I'll be around for a long time, and be active and healthy.

[RetroChic86 0]

this is exactly the thread that i needed to vent in. i am PETRIFIED that once i lose the weight my husband will not find me attractive any more, and that it will alter our relationship. we are a little backwards lol, he loves plump girls, and that is part of what brought us together. the fact that i was plump and happy with my size-and he loved my size. now grant it, he is the one who started suggesting that i lose weight when i started getting sick and what not, but i have this fear that he will not find me attractive.

after the weight loss seminar we talked about it, and he told me that he is very supportive, and what makes me happy makes him happy.i just hope that he means it

[bandstarr430 0]

I am SOOOO GLAD this thread is here! After really digging it out of my boyfriend it seems to me like he's supportive but doesn't approve that I get the surgery! He feels like I should do it naturally and that I'm taking the easy way out. Which really hurts me because nothing will be easy about it. I know that he likes a "lil extra" on his woman so he likes butts, thighs, and boobs! I think he's afraid that when I loose weight i won't be attracted to him anymore. At the same time I think he won't be attracted to me once I'm skinny! uggghh.....

[NurseShay 24]

This is one of the major issues on my mind. Weight definitely held me back from a lot of things including relationships with people I felt intimidated by because they were just too good looking & I didn't feel I wanted to compete with any competition in the form of skinny girls.(I'm confident that I could have just didn't want the potential drama) So I've been in a relationship wit my bf who likes thick girls- this is what made us work! I like to eat & so does he. He was average when we met & once we moved in together and I started cooking for him he's packed on @ least 20lbs. And actually that's what really showed me how bad my habits are! But though he supports me in my decision he's expressed some concern that my options will open up even more & that I wouldn't want to have a chubby signif other. I guess he has the same mindset I do about sort of sticking with your own. But I love bigger ppl regardless of my size & would def still find myself attracted to them. However part of why I want to lose weight is to finally sieze opportunities to do things in life I haven't been able to & experience life with a new carefree attitude. I'm only 25 & have been neglecting to do normal things because my weight detains me. I never went to my prom, don't travel or go out like I want to & sometimes I think I settle in a life that was 'safe' for me. I honestly DON'T PLAN to leave him but I can predict that the lifestyle ill probably want to lead will dramatically change us & probably stress us to the max. We've only been together 8mts & we're good with each other & he's been very supportive but I'm feeling like we're both young & since we have no children & are not married this may be too drastic a change for us or maybe that I want to experience life for the first time just for me, with no baggage. How selfish am I?! =/

[Daney 0]

I am going in for my pre-op appointment tommorrow for surgery this month, and have already been having trouble in my relationship due to the surgery. I understand he is worried about what may happen in the future, but it would be nice to be supported instead of badgered constantely about it. We have been together 2 and a half years and it definetly hasn't been the easiest relationship. The other day we were arguing and I said I needed time away from all of it, and he said we should just end it since it will be over after the surgery anyways. I think I have come to the point were if he isnt going to support my decision and attempt to be there for me as I am for him, I should just let it go and start fresh, like I'm doing with the surgery.

[rafa2 5]

I am going in for my pre-op appointment tommorrow for surgery this month, and have already been having trouble in my relationship due to the surgery. I understand he is worried about what may happen in the future, but it would be nice to be supported instead of badgered constantely about it. We have been together 2 and a half years and it definetly hasn't been the easiest relationship. The other day we were arguing and I said I needed time away from all of it, and he said we should just end it since it will be over after the surgery anyways. I think I have come to the point were if he isnt going to support my decision and attempt to be there for me as I am for him, I should just let it go and start fresh, like I'm doing with the surgery.

You know, Daney, all relationships take work and have their ups and downs, and they shouldn't be difficult or stressful, the good should always outweigh the bad,... the way I see it is, if someone is compatible with you, you should have an easy flowing relationship with a few bumps on the road... I wish you all the best with surgery and your relationship, God bless you!

[morgandonor 0]

Sarah posted earlier...and im with her, i have the opposite problem. My boyfriend of 4 years fell for my personality. I was thin in high school, and im not an idiot, i know being fit and being attracted to someone is important. we had talked about my weight before we even became official. i knew he wasnt thrilled that i weighed 270lbs but he cared deeply enough for me to get over it....i gained 25 more lbs in our 4 years together, and i became a vegetable. i was ashamed, i had no energy, i never did my hair, i rarely wore makeup, i wore ugly clothes because it was comfortable, and we started struggling with our relationship. i knew it was all me, i would go on little diets that would last for 2 weeks, id lose 10 lbs, be excited, he'd be happy that i was happy, then id fall off the wagon. he made it clear it was obvious i was happy when i was losing weight, which made him happy.

now im in the approval/seminar stage, and he is so happy. he just glows when we talk about it. it doesnt hurt my feelings that hes so excited for me to lose weight, because i personally am not attracted to obese men, so if the tables were turned, i know id be his number one cheerleader during the surgery process because we have a bond like none other.

im not really nervous about our change. hes never been a jealous boyfriend because he most likely assumes i cant bag a 10, and he is right. but now that ive made this decision to change my life, i dress more like my old self, take time on myself, and hes so happy. and it makes me happy.

this was long. but ive never told all of this to anyone, so it feels great

[sunny2010 0]

i would have had to let him go. Im sorry you had to deal with that.

I have almost the opposite, but the same situation.

My relationship was on the verge of being over because of my weight. He was embarassed to be seen with me in public because I limped and waddled at the same time (I have hip arthritis and the weight added to it) and always had the "miserable face" on.

I was big when I met him 4 years ago, and I lost 85lbs within the first year we were together. And gained it all back and then some after a year of keeping it off.

Now that I'm losing, he's becoming a little more over-protective of me, especially online, and on here. Constantly asking me if I've noticed any hot guys, or have I been hit on etc.

The bedroom area is basically at a standstill. Women, hormonally change when they lose weight. I'm in that funk right now. And it sucks, because we should be the opposite because I'm not as lethargic as I used to be.

Someone above mentioned the "security blanket" aspect of it. VERY VERY TRUE. People tend to think because you lose weight, That your going to emerge with a "fatgirl/guy" complex, like suddenly your shit don't stink. Some of us actually have the capability of remaining the same, beautiful on the inside and out. certain women like to have that heir of confidence that they are "too good for you, and your lucky to have me, considering", Maybe she just can't handle it. And if thats the case. It's time to move on. because in the end, it's her loss. I hope this helps?

[Loosing it for Life 0]

So I'll take it from a different angle... It's totally a girl thing...

Your girlfriend sees you go from 315 cuddle bear to a 188 hottie and is incredibly scared that you are going to want to find another girl that "fits" in the worlds eye of BF/GF. Women are far more emotinal that men, we are insecure if our underwear don't fit the same way twice. Her comments about "the other girls" are fish hooks - she wants you to come out and say " this is all for you babe", and truely make her feel like she is your #1. Her gaining weight as you're loosing it, is probably emotional eating - again, because she is scared of loosing you.

I think the best thing you can do is sit her down and tell her how you feel, take her on a special date - get all glamed up (both of you) and really tell her how you feel.

BUT.. and this is a HUGE one - if you aren't still in love with her - DO NOT LEAD HER ON.... this will wreck havic on her for the rest of her life...

[lauragshsu 6]

Even though our relation is strong and stable, I think my hubby is a bit worried. I'm the weight now that I was when we first started dating, almost 11 years ago (we've been married almost 7). I've always been heavy and never really had any self esteem because of it. I'm getting a lot of attention from men now (even parents of my students), and I think it scares him. I'm not sure how to reassure him, though, other than what I'm already doing, which has mainly been having plenty of sex with him. I'm one pound away from being the same weight as him, which has NEVER happened in our relationship.

[MsKate83 0]

You know, since starting this process of getting the surgery.. I wanted to find someone to love me for me from the beginning because I would know that they really wanted me for me. But hearing all the stories mentioned above, doing this solo (with my friends and family of course), might not be so bad!

I'm not sure I would be strong enough to deal with my new life and a troubled relationship should something bad happen!