Comments People Make

[1000words 0]

I attend a lap band support group at a local hospital, but had my band surgery performed by a surgeon that is located a few hours from here. Most of the ladies that are in the support group had a local surgeon do their surgery.

My surgeon wants his patients to be on a low (under 30 carbs a day) carb diet and wants us to focus on Protein, the local program only focuses on getting enough protein, other than that you can eat what you want.

Every time I go to a meeting and talk about how I am working out 4-5 hours a week and staying low carb and losing weight, someone always chimes in to tell the entire group that to remember that I am younger and it is easier for me (I am 31). I know that they are trying to make everyone else feel better for not having the same success... but it just seems to discount how hard I have been working.

I know I am probably being to sensitive... but if it was so easy for someone my age to lose weight I wouldn't have had to have the band. I am literaly working working my ass off and trying to change my bad behaviors and everytime I share my success someone wants to credit it to me being younger. It has very little to do with my age, it is because I am following the bandster rules and trying to change my life.

It is not even like I have lost an incredible amount of weight since my surgery (28 lbs in 10 weeks). I just wish I could share my progress like everyone else and not have it contributed to something that I am not controlling.

I like my support group and I enjoy the meetings, but I am just not sure what I should say to stop the comments. Any ideas?

[ladytuscanny 0]

I think that you've done a remarkable job in losing so much weight in 10 weeks. It has taken me 11 months to lose 28.

I have my own story about what people say....

I go to bunco group once a month and every month one person tells me wasn't there some you you could have lost the weight on your own? Since Bunco is coming up soon again i've been thinking of what to say back to her. I've come up with this one, but it isn't nice "Peg, closed minedeness doesn't become you".

[BethFromVA 5]

I think that you've done a remarkable job in losing so much weight in 10 weeks. It has taken me 11 months to lose 28.

I have my own story about what people say....

I go to bunco group once a month and every month one person tells me wasn't there some you you could have lost the weight on your own? Since Bunco is coming up soon again i've been thinking of what to say back to her. I've come up with this one, but it isn't nice "Peg, closed minedeness doesn't become you".

You ARE losing the weight "on your own" -- just with a bit of an aid. To me it's no different than taking a diet pill, diuretic, or some other aid. You STILL have to make the right choices, and you STILL have to do the work!

You ought to ask her if she has EVER taken a diet pill or gone to Weight Watchers. If she says yes, ask HER why SHE couldn't do it on her own.

[ladytuscanny 0]

Yep, she does go to a Weight Watcher Group. I think she means by using WW or something else that doesn't require surgery.

[BethFromVA 5]

Yep, she does go to a Weight Watcher Group. I think she means by using WW or something else that doesn't require surgery.

So? WW is her aid, the lap band is yours. The fact is, you STILL have to do the same type of work she does. You can still eat wrong and not lose.

And just so you know, the "So?" up above was not at you but towards her. :cursing: She ought to keep her yap shut and pay attention to what SHE'S doing.

[Jachut 487]

Wow, that would piss me off a LOT. Its no easier for you than it is for anyone else. Perhaps your body might light go of the weight easier, but the actual work you have to do, well its not easier for you.

I'd say so, loud and clear, lol. But that's me.

[ladytuscanny 0]

And just so you know, the "So?" up above was not at you but towards her. :laugh: She ought to keep her yap shut and pay attention to what SHE'S doing.

I didn't think that at all! Good luck with your prodecure tomorrow!!!!!!!!

Wow, that would piss me off a LOT. Its no easier for you than it is for anyone else. Perhaps your body might light go of the weight easier, but the actual work you have to do, well its not easier for you.

She pisses me off A LOT. I've bitten my tongue more than 0nce. I just want to make it a fun evening for everyone.

[abby1 0]

There comes a time to speak up. This lady is trying to make herself feel better and if the other people in the group are not losing a much as you help them justify their lack of weight loss. The points you want to make, in your own words is:

1) This is a support group and your words show a lack of support.

2) Everyone loses at a different rate and that your body is slower than mine is not my fault.

3) I regret you are having trouble losing weight but please do not take our your frustrations on me.

You might want to do this in private first and if she continues then do it publicly in the meeting. If you do not feel comfortable doing this, then speak with the group leader. The group leader should not allow this person to poison the group.

[ladytuscanny 0]

I'm comfused, when I log straight into this thread via lapband site, I don't find these comments. When I get a notice that someone replied to this thread I find these comments. Anyone know why?

[tonya66 13]

When they make that comment, simply reply

"I have to disagree with you, it is not easy for me to get out and workout 4 and 5 hours a week, nor is it easy for me to stick to low carb, however, I chose to do it." If it was easy for me to lose weight at 31, I would have not needed my little helper.

Congratulations on your success by the way, your doing great and don't let those comments get your down.

[Fort Bend Band 0]

One big point I always make with the "couldn't you do it on your own" crowd is that I was always able to lose weight but I also always gained it back plus an extra 10 lbs and the band doesn't let you gain it back. It is permanent weight loss. For the one that is put down in her support group I think you should just say out loud that you feel like they are discrediting you for your hard work. A lot of them do need to know that you still need to work hard. I was in a support group for a while and I was a very slow loser eventhough I consistently excercised. It would annoy me when people would complain that they only lost 20 pounds but they were also not exercising and eating sweets all of the time. I think you will be a benefit to the support group if you let them know that to get great results you have to work at it!

[HeatherO 7]

I agree with what every one has said. I think the key is to be vocal in a support group so that people understand what it takes to find success.

Also, excuses about why something won't work for certain people is sometimes used as a crutch when people are making poor decisions.

You have to work at it, age doesn't change that fact. There are lots of people at every age that find success . . . and failure. If age gave me an advantage, why did I spend my 20's being obese???

The best support groups are those that get to the root of what success means - back to the basics of exercise, healthy diet and mental conditioning/behavioral adjustments.

[laurigee 545]

Well, at my meeting in Dec. we are having a clothing exchange. I was told by my surgeon and nurse(who I love to pieces) that maybe I should not bring in any of my clothes under a 12 because it could seem discouraging for others, because the majority may never reach or not currently at that size. When I first got the surgery, I was told not to share my story about how easy and painless I thought the surgery was because it would not sit well with the patients that had problems. So, kinda in a strange way, I think that people like to hear others whinning and problems more than they like to hear the success someone else is having. I feel like others in group can be more honest than I can, because I feel like I may rub someone the wrong way and insult them. I think everyone is so different. Some, may look at people as an inspiration that are successful, and others view them as a threat or maybe a way of measuring what they have not, or think they can't achieve. Congratulations on your success and don't let others devalue the work you have done to achieve it. Remember for certain people there is always an excuse for everything, we have all heard someone say.....it's because she's younger, because she's smarter, because she has more time, because she has money, because she doesn't have kids, because she isn't raising kids by herself, ect. Just be proud, your doing great!

[neverB4 2]

It IS a support grp so I'd be honest and share exactly what you did with us!! We have a gentleman we've nick-named "slim" because he was banded a yr ago and lost over 100lbs with no fills yet. He gets the "oh, well, you're a man and your metabolism..." he is quick to speak up his defense and we all listen to what he says. It is odd though...I've been going for 7mos now and he has to do his speech every time he's there!!