Comments people make

[1000words 0]

I attend a lap band support group at a local hospital, but had my band surgery performed by a surgeon that is located a few hours from here. Most of the ladies that are in the support group had a local surgeon do their surgery.

My surgeon wants his patients to be on a low (under 30 carbs a day) carb diet and wants us to focus on Protein, the local program only focuses on getting enough protein, other than that you can eat what you want.

Every time I go to a meeting and talk about how I am working out 4-5 hours a week and staying low carb and losing weight, someone always chimes in to tell the entire group that to remember that I am younger and it is easier for me (I am 31). I know that they are trying to make everyone else feel better for not having the same success... but it just seems to discount how hard I have been working.

I know I am probably being to sensitive... but if it was so easy for someone my age to lose weight I wouldn't have had to have the band. I am literaly working working my ass off and trying to change my bad behaviors and everytime I share my success someone wants to credit it to me being younger. It has very little to do with my age, it is because I am following the bandster rules and trying to change my life.

It is not even like I have lost an incredible amount of weight since my surgery (28 lbs in 10 weeks). I just wish I could share my progress like everyone else and not have it contributed to something that I am not controlling.

I like my support group and I enjoy the meetings, but I am just not sure what I should say to stop the comments. Any ideas?

Edited November 19, 2008 by 1000words

[BethFromVA 5]

I would just be honest. The next time somebody says that, just stop them and say, "I'm sorry, but when you say that, it sounds as if you are discounting the hard work I am doing and the progress I am making due to my hard work and following the band rules. I kindly ask that you stop attributing my weight loss to my age."

I mean, cripes, if it was just about your age, then you would never have needed the band, right? You should have just lost it regardless.

[heartfire 4]

I agree with Beth. You really need to just stop them and even ask them why they feel the need to qualify the hard work you're doing to something out of your control. That's not support! And it's rude. It might come from something that they know they aren't doing as well so they put your success down to make them feel better. If they aren't eating right or exercising and having slower losses, that's their problem, not yours.

I'm a slow loser and it frustrates me BUT I know it's due to poor food choices once in awhile and my lack of regular exercise. I don't attribute it to my age (I'm 40). It's my own darn fault. I joke that they should have done some brain work while they were in doing the stomach work! I'm working on both the food choices and the exercise. And trying to not make excuses for myself. Oh and I bloat as much as a couple of lbs but that b.c of too much salt intake. I love my salt. I'm working on that too!

I don't think you should stop going unless it just gets too unbearable. I go to a monthly support group at my hospital that includes both bypass and bands. It's been pretty good so far. I don't always get to go b/c of childcare issues but it's nice when I can go.

Hang in there and see if saying something doesn't stop it and make this person think about what they're saying.

[luluc 6]

you would be amazed what comes out of peoples mouths. i haven't attended a support group meeting, but i did have some lady give me grief while getting a fill.

i go to a surgical center that does fills and is very methodical and efficient w/their time. if your 20mins late - your appt is canceled. everyone knows that - and sometimes exceptions can be made if they're free, otherwise policy is policy. btw - unfills are walk-in..no one waits for those (had 3 - i know..yikes)

when i went in aug to get a fill, i was checking in and this lady was arguing that she needed a fill & could not help being late. she pointed to me and said i had no business getting a fill (was about same weight i am now ' ish) and i should turn over my appt. ok - she got 3 different sides of cybil with looks alone. i told her to worry about her business & stay out of mine. i would not normally have given her 2 seconds - but i was pissed that she was going to decide for me; if i was "worth" getting a fill.

there was a thread a while back - the things you hear at the drs office; it's a great read. some crazy's out there...

speak for yourself - no one else will & you should not be judged for your hard work, when others want to just bitch & moan..

[BethFromVA 5]

ok - she got 3 different sides of cybil with looks alone.

Omg, LOVE THAT ONE! It's almost as good as the vagina/clown car comment made by somebody else the other day!

[luluc 6]

Omg, LOVE THAT ONE! It's almost as good as the vagina/clown car comment made by somebody else the other day!

she did kill it w/that one liner - it was fab!

[kgloverii 0]

People like making excuses period. A lot of people find solace in not taking responsibility for their actions... and your support group sounds like that. A good friend and I were joking about my new size 8 pants and she said "Yeah, if I had a rubber band I'd wear size 8's too." Coming from her I took it in stride and was not offended. But coming from someone else, well... that's just plain tacky. I now have the TOOL to make wise decisions.

My good friend Julie, who had the band done the same day as I have, and I compare notes frequently. She and I were within a pound or two of each other up until a couple months ago, and now there is about 10 pounds difference. She freely admits that she has a love for chocolate and that is slowing her progress. She does NOT blame it on her being older or some crap. That's why I love her. She keeps it real.

so many people beat up on others when they see success. There was a lower BMI'er that posted yesterday about how they'd lost 'faster than bypass' and she got railed because she is a low BMI'er and that so she had less to lose so that's why her stats match that, and blah blah, blah. My God. I felt like complete crap. My doc told me the same thing, about the faster than bypass and I knew it was a huge compliment. I had no idea others would look at me and make 'excuses' for my success. I work my butt off. I make good choices. My lower BMI does not make me set up for more success...

I'd seriously speak up at your support group meeting and tell them the rude comments are uncalled for and snippy. And then remember YOU take credit for your success. Success is not just defined in better food choices, it is defined in YOU DOING WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. Going to support group, taking an active role in your aftercare. And not sitting on the couch and crying about your lack of weight loss with a tub of bon bons. HUGS!

[flowers 0]

Probably not a popular attitude, but I joined a online support group and seemed like they were a gang mentality and those further along everyone bowed down to them and sang their praises, as if newbies were not working just as hard.

I quit and walked away. Sometimes you cant control a whole group of folks who all share an attitude and its best for your head to move on. Maybe you don't need them to validate your progress, just believe in yourself. I too am walking off my weight and can tell you its not easy.

[flowers 0]

I'm a slow loser and it frustrates me BUT I know it's due to poor food choices once in awhile and my lack of regular exercise. I don't attribute it to my age (I'm 40).

I read stuff like this and think whoa!!! Either there is something wrong with me or you are losing really fast. You lost 39 lbs since you were banded in august and say you are a slow loser??!!

Give yourself credit. To many of us you are not losing slow. I was probably banded more than a month earlier than you and only 5 lbs ahead of you. If you are slow, Im a turtle and I walk daily, without fail at least 3.5 miles. Im 58 btw, so I dont think being 40 sounds old to me if that's what you meant.

There are a lot of people losing slower than you. I guess slow is relative and we all wish we could lose it overnight? i sure wouldnt call you a slow loser based on your ticker. You are doing great.

[heartfire 4]

I read stuff like this and think whoa!!! Either there is something wrong with me or you are losing really fast. You lost 39 lbs since you were banded in august and say you are a slow loser??!!

Give yourself credit. To many of us you are not losing slow. I was probably banded more than a month earlier than you and only 5 lbs ahead of you. If you are slow, Im a turtle and I walk daily, without fail at least 3.5 miles. Im 58 btw, so I dont think being 40 sounds old to me if that's what you meant.

There are a lot of people losing slower than you. I guess slow is relative and we all wish we could lose it overnight? i sure wouldnt call you a slow loser based on your ticker. You are doing great.

LOL! I wish! Re-read my stats. I've lost that since starting the program in March. About 26lbs of that was BEFORE surgery. Since then it's been only about 15lbs (not quite). I WISH I'd lost 40lbs since surgery!

And you are right, slow is relative, so is age. I don't think you're old at 58! I was just making the age point to the OP regarding others making excuses for her quick WL due to her age.

Thanks!