Single and struggling...

DainaFrances · November 19, 2008

Hi! I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I'm hoping that some of you at least can relate.

So here's my story. I've been banded for about three weeks now, and while I'm a little distressed with the fact that my appetite and the amount of food I'm able to consume hasn't changed (but from looking online and talking to my doc. it would appear that's not unheard of), my biggest fear at the moment is the thought of starting to get out there and date again. I never in a million years thought I would find myself feeling this way having been boy crazy (but unbearably shy) since, well.. birth.

But now, looking over my last 26 odd years, it's VERY evident that the periods in my life when I've gained the majority of my weight has been after major breakups. I've had just a few relationships, and only two I'd call significant but after each one ended (badly in both cases), I've had the mentality of "why bother watching what I eat?" and I've packed on the pounds. I'm not talking, 5lbs here or 10lbs there... I'm talking 50lbs easy.

And this is where I'm most afraid. I'm scared to go through that kind of pain again, and it's then compounded by my fear of giving up on my weight-loss goals because I'm in emotional pain. I'm not just scared... I'm terrified. I'm afraid to un-zip the fat suit I've been hiding inside and have to deal with dating again.

Does anyone else feel this way? Has anyone gotten over it?

-Daina

gottaloseit · November 21, 2008

I haven't been banded yet but I can understand your concerns. I just want to say cross that bridge when you come to it. For now focus on you and your health. Get to know the new you and you will be able to determine what you really desire in life. Those previous relationships were just trial the real one is still ahead of you and when it happens you'll look back and ask yourself why you wasted time worrying about the old stuff. As you lose weight your thoughts of yourself will change and you will become more confident and not willing to take crap from anyone. Not just because you look good but because you finally realize your true worth. When dating begins go into it with the mindset of having a good time. Just enjoy the company and enjoy your new life and focus on you and the rest will all fall into place. Good luck with all of your goals and I wish you peace of mind.

Firedad53073 · November 22, 2008

I am not sure I can say I know exactly what you are feeling, but I have had some of the same concerns.

Getting back out there after all these years is kind of rough the only advice I can give is "you gotta do it" The right one is out there but ya just gotta remember you have to love your self if you want any one to love you for who you are. Never give up on love it is out there and is worth everything you are willing to put in to it.

Hopefully this is not just random jabbering and actually makes some sense J

PosyFossil · November 24, 2008

Daina,

I certainly understand how you feel. I started seeing a therapist as part of my preparation for my surgery because I knew I had to change more than just my eating habits, I had to change how I saw myself, dealt with stress, and just plain old related to the world (and myself). I am still continuing to go regularly because that continues to change. Its been difficult "facing my demons" but it has been well worth looking at my life and realizing that taking care of myself is and will always be a priority. The hardest part has been allowing myself to actually FEEL my feelings... instead of deny them or hide with food... I was so afraid of feeling overwhelmed or lonely or helpless or whatever it was I was feeling that day.

Stay focused on what is important, you and your emotional and physical health. Keeping sight of that and making sure you are tending to your own needs should help you transition through difficult times.

And yes, dating kind of sucks sometimes. Its so hard to be vulnerable - but the alternative is unimaginable, so vulnerable I will try and be!

lat1nacurv3s · April 7, 2009

I can certainly relate as I've discovered I'm an emotional eater. In the past 9 years that I've been divorced I've managed to rack up a good 50-60lbs. I know for a fact that my weight gain was due to being under a lot of stress. Even now, I'm going through a break up....he should be moved out in about 6 wks. Needless to say it's been a difficult past 8 months or so. And I truly believe I haven't been as successful with my LB because of it. HOWEVER, I choose to not let those things affect me any more. I really am ready to do this for me regardless of what's going on with my love life. As I've stated in my profile message...I may not be able to control that but I can control what I put into my mouth!

Anyhoos, please people don't give up on the LB. It's always important to remember that it's a "tool" and not the cure. We could easily choose to eat around the band but why?! This is your time to shine now!! SO GO FOR IT!!