Mourning food already

[Sooverit! 1]

Hello everyone:

I guess this is a typical case of be careful what you wish for, for when you get it, you may still not be happy. My surgery date is scheduled for December 2nd 2008. I've been wishing, praying, hoping to be able to get banded with the Lap Band for over 2+ years now. Recently everything fell into place as if by a miracle. Money I didn't know I had turned up in a hidden bank CD where the bank didn't have my new address. (for real.. not from a crazy email from Nicaragua :-)) I found a low BMI study near my home that accepts patients under 40BMI and the price is affordable! I found a great follow up center with caring wonderful people. I couldn't ask for more.

Why then am I so depressed? I think finding a solution to one problem only relieves that pain then switch, focus moves to next or real"problem". I am so afraid that I will miss one of my only friends left....food. I realize at night while my husband is watching sports/financial news with the remote in one hand while his laptop in his lap watching like a prey animal for bad news. I am in the other rooms of the house escaping with a book or TV and you guess it my friend food. I am so afraid of losing this loyal friend who I know eventually will ask for my health in return for friendship. Currently I'm not working....I switched careers at age 49!! ...what was I thinking. I am bored and lonely lately and dealing with a puberty stricken 12 year old girl who hates me most of the time. This girl, my dd, was a living doll who idolized me up until last year. I probably spent too much time making her life wonderful while I forgot about mine. Oh and my parents and sibs are gone, friends moved away, I'm an older mom and no longer a person everyone wanted to be friends with...being older and overweight doesn't help matters, I have no one with kids to bounce things off of. On top of it all I'm in the throws of change of life hormones....up, down, up, down. I know my life was pretty cush for the past 7 years so I guess I'm due for a new test. Thanks for letting me ramble and keep me in your prayers- just kidding. Just thanks for letting me take up word space.

With hope and gratitude to all,

M

[kh1967 0]

Hello everyone:

I guess this is a typical case of be careful what you wish for, for when you get it, you may still not be happy. My surgery date is scheduled for December 2nd 2008. I've been wishing, praying, hoping to be able to get banded with the Lap Band for over 2+ years now. Recently everything fell into place as if by a miracle. Money I didn't know I had turned up in a hidden bank CD where the bank didn't have my new address. (for real.. not from a crazy email from Nicaragua :-)) I found a low BMI study near my home that accepts patients under 40BMI and the price is affordable! I found a great follow up center with caring wonderful people. I couldn't ask for more.

Why then am I so depressed? I think finding a solution to one problem only relieves that pain then switch, focus moves to next or real"problem". I am so afraid that I will miss one of my only friends left....food. I realize at night while my husband is watching sports/financial news with the remote in one hand while his laptop in his lap watching like a prey animal for bad news. I am in the other rooms of the house escaping with a book or TV and you guess it my friend food. I am so afraid of losing this loyal friend who I know eventually will ask for my health in return for friendship. Currently I'm not working....I switched careers at age 49!! ...what was I thinking. I am bored and lonely lately and dealing with a puberty stricken 12 year old girl who hates me most of the time. This girl, my dd, was a living doll who idolized me up until last year. I probably spent too much time making her life wonderful while I forgot about mine. Oh and my parents and sibs are gone, friends moved away, I'm an older mom and no longer a person everyone wanted to be friends with...being older and overweight doesn't help matters, I have no one with kids to bounce things off of. On top of it all I'm in the throws of change of life hormones....up, down, up, down. I know my life was pretty cush for the past 7 years so I guess I'm due for a new test. Thanks for letting me ramble and keep me in your prayers- just kidding. Just thanks for letting me take up word space.

With hope and gratitude to all,

M

M,

I too feel similar. I started a thread wednesday, "what is wrong with me"? I received some really good advice. So, take a look at that thread and see what you think. Dont give up all hope. You have waited soooo long for this surgery. Once you have the surgery, you WILL start to lose the weight, and I think you will have a whole different outlook on life. :tongue2:

Edited November 14, 2008 by kh1967
spelling error

[Bellessima 0]

You must do this for YOU. You are coming into a new phase of life when one realizes how much life is really change.

You will be a new person who focuses on you and your remaining life. You will still be able to eat, of course, just more selectively and special. food will still be there, you just need a little help to eat less, especially at one time and you won't feel hungry...but full!

Take the leap! I am scheduled in MX with Dr. Ortiz as my BMI is quite low and I am self pay.

Carpe diem and all the best!

Bellessima in CA

[Sooverit! 1]

Thank you so much Kh and Bell for your comforting words! Kh I will look for your post that's for thinking of me. Bell...I think you're right....I've been a parent of younger kids for 21 years.....I've got to parent me now..I suppose ...thank you again!

[LSF 264]

I went through that "mourning" period - then I thought "Was food REALLY that good a friend? Look at what it did to me!" Now I'm miserable because of all the weight I gained. Then, I realized that it's worth the chance - I have 5 more days until I get banded.

[imwiththebandfl 0]

Sooverit---what you wrote really hit home for me, too. My surgery is just 3 days away, and I keep looking longingly at all the yummy stuff I can no longer eat and feeling a bit sad. However, I have also found, and I don't know where this came from, that I am finding little projects around the house to do to keep my hands busy. I have NO willpower on my own, so this is such a blessing. Maybe its the power of the subconscious mind, I don't know, but all those projects were there before I decided to do this surgery. I just chose not to do them because I was busy thinking about my next meal.

So, you and I need to delve into some exciting new hobbies....or re-decorate a room, call an old friend, volunteer at a deserving charity. food, our comforting friend, really isn't a friend who has solved any of our problems. He certainly hasn't made me feel better about myself. I just want food to be more of an afterthought, not running my life anymore.

Best of luck to you....those pre-teen girls are always a challenge. Hang in there, my experience is that they are always meanest to the person they know won't turn away from them. She needs you. You'll be best of friends again very soon.

[MISS.SUSAN 0]

i think its just like any other addicion. over the years i got sober, so i turned to food and cigerettes and got really fat and unhealthy. so now here i am 40 and had to stop eating and smoking. and let me tell you, i didn't want to stop ANY of them. i kept thinking "if i can't EAT, SMOKE, DRINK OR GET HIGH" what am i suppose to do with myself? thats all i know. so i went out and bought an electric guitar. the doctor suggested i start reading. forget that!

its true, you have to replace those bad habits with good ones. and its ok to miss the bad stuff!

[MellyB 0]

I had the same thing this weekend, sort of. I was at my grandmothers and my entire family was there working on remodeling her kitchen. They decided to go and get pizza. I left because I'm on the pre-op diet, and I came home and cried. I told my husband that I couldn't really explain it, because I wasn't at all hungry (the hunger stopped after about day 3).

I realized that it wasn't the eating I was going to miss, as much as the socializing. We go to lunch, sit around and talk and laugh. My family is really close and we get togethe weekly for dinners. The holidays are coming up and of course there is tons of food then.

I guess for me it's about not fitting in because I can't eat. This is how I got fat in the first place, by pretending I'm like everyone else and I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want, blah blah blah.

It's hard to come to terms with yourself. I'm having to take a good hard look at who I am and how I am going to have to change. It's scary, but it's worth it in the long run. At least I hope it is. Good luck to you.

[tracie30 0]

Hi Everyone! Please know that this surgery is not the end of your world. I am 4 weeks post op and I had to call my doctors office and beg for a fill tomorrow because the swelling is gone and so is my restriction. I can eating anything and everything even though I shouldn't be. I have 4.5cc's in a 14 cc band, believe me, when you get to the other side of this, you're going to realize that you are stilling dealing with the same "head" hungry and that at some point, nothing is off limits.

I also feel that food is my best friend. Thank God for LBT!

Good luck to each of you!!!

[lellow 1,713]

I'm 3.5months post op and I want to let you know that I mourned food too. I looked longingly at fried chicken and ice cream and coke and wondered about the sacrifice I was making, and if I really wanted to make that sacrifice.

Then someone said something to me that changed the way I looked at it: You don't have to give up the things you love, you just eat less of it. That means I even now still have fried chicken, but only one piece, and only once in a while. I find that because I get full faster, I don't crave deep fried stuff as often as I did before. But if I want it, I have it.

I haven't had a coke since my op. I didn't realise it until recently. I just reach for Water everytime I'm thirsty, and not coke because I worry that the bubbles will make me feel gassy (and gassiness is always a problem) Next thing I know I haven't touched the stuff in months.

I don't eat ice cream anymore either. Ice cream is a dessert, and I'm usually full after dinner, so have no room for ice cream. But if I really wanted some, I'd have some. I just don't want it anymore.

I do eat chocolate. I have a little bit instead of a whole bar. I have some, savour it, then put it aside and tell myself I can have some more another day. There's always another day, and I keep the option open. The bar I started on a month after my op is still on my bedside table now, less than 1/4 eaten.

I don't feel deprived because I don't deprive myself. And yet, I'm not craving anything sweet or fattening most of the time. And by allowing myself a little bit of naughtiness sometimes, it means I don't feel like I need to fight myself all the time.

So you don't have to 'mourn' anything. You're not losing anything. You're gaining a whole lot!

[Cappy 0]

I'm 3.5months post op and I want to let you know that I mourned food too. I looked longingly at fried chicken and ice cream and coke and wondered about the sacrifice I was making, and if I really wanted to make that sacrifice.

Then someone said something to me that changed the way I looked at it: You don't have to give up the things you love, you just eat less of it. That means I even now still have fried chicken, but only one piece, and only once in a while. I find that because I get full faster, I don't crave deep fried stuff as often as I did before. But if I want it, I have it.

I haven't had a coke since my op. I didn't realise it until recently. I just reach for Water everytime I'm thirsty, and not coke because I worry that the bubbles will make me feel gassy (and gassiness is always a problem) Next thing I know I haven't touched the stuff in months.

I don't eat ice cream anymore either. Ice cream is a dessert, and I'm usually full after dinner, so have no room for ice cream. But if I really wanted some, I'd have some. I just don't want it anymore.

I do eat chocolate. I have a little bit instead of a whole bar. I have some, savour it, then put it aside and tell myself I can have some more another day. There's always another day, and I keep the option open. The bar I started on a month after my op is still on my bedside table now, less than 1/4 eaten.

I don't feel deprived because I don't deprive myself. And yet, I'm not craving anything sweet or fattening most of the time. And by allowing myself a little bit of naughtiness sometimes, it means I don't feel like I need to fight myself all the time.

So you don't have to 'mourn' anything. You're not losing anything. You're gaining a whole lot!

So well said, lello...that helped me out tremendously...thank you!

We all are addicted to food, to some degree, and we rely on it to make us happy and give us comfort...I think I can speak for most of us when I say that we are all scared that the band will restrict us from so many of the foods that we have come to depend on...for some people, there will be foods that they can never eat again... but for others, that won't be the case...its very scary not knowing which category you will fall under! Not knowing if I could ever eat pizza again, one of my favorite foods, terrified me for a long time! But honestly, what has helped me up to this point has been the wealth of knowledge I have gained from this board...you all have truly helped me to realize that I don't need to mourn food because food will always be a part of my life...I just have to make adjustments, I can handle adjustments! I cannot wait to be the person that eats to live and NOT lives to eat!

Sooverit, your going to be just FINE!!! You will struggle a bit, we ALL will, but what you have to believe and trust is that, in the end, your NOT losing your best friend, just gaining a new one!

Hope this helps....best of luck to you!

[elvira 0]

Hello everyone:

I guess this is a typical case of be careful what you wish for, for when you get it, you may still not be happy. My surgery date is scheduled for December 2nd 2008. I've been wishing, praying, hoping to be able to get banded with the Lap Band for over 2+ years now. Recently everything fell into place as if by a miracle. Money I didn't know I had turned up in a hidden bank CD where the bank didn't have my new address. (for real.. not from a crazy email from Nicaragua :-)) I found a low BMI study near my home that accepts patients under 40BMI and the price is affordable! I found a great follow up center with caring wonderful people. I couldn't ask for more.

Why then am I so depressed? I think finding a solution to one problem only relieves that pain then switch, focus moves to next or real"problem". I am so afraid that I will miss one of my only friends left....food. I realize at night while my husband is watching sports/financial news with the remote in one hand while his laptop in his lap watching like a prey animal for bad news. I am in the other rooms of the house escaping with a book or TV and you guess it my friend food. I am so afraid of losing this loyal friend who I know eventually will ask for my health in return for friendship. Currently I'm not working....I switched careers at age 49!! ...what was I thinking. I am bored and lonely lately and dealing with a puberty stricken 12 year old girl who hates me most of the time. This girl, my dd, was a living doll who idolized me up until last year. I probably spent too much time making her life wonderful while I forgot about mine. Oh and my parents and sibs are gone, friends moved away, I'm an older mom and no longer a person everyone wanted to be friends with...being older and overweight doesn't help matters, I have no one with kids to bounce things off of. On top of it all I'm in the throws of change of life hormones....up, down, up, down. I know my life was pretty cush for the past 7 years so I guess I'm due for a new test. Thanks for letting me ramble and keep me in your prayers- just kidding. Just thanks for letting me take up word space.

With hope and gratitude to all,

M

M-I know what you mean about your friend food. I am haqving my surgery in Feb 09 and I worry about what I can eat afterwards. I am in my mid 50's and live alone and food is my comfort when I get lonely. I hope my weightloss will help me to feel more energetic and I will get out more and do things. You need to be positive and know you will look great after the surgery, husband may want to do more than watch the games and spend more time with you along with the your daughter being proud of the way you look. Do this for you, you are worth it and should look forward to making new friends to replace the old one. Good luck. E

[mattsmom1 0]

I am feeling the same way. Wow thank you for being so open and honest about how you are feeling. My surgery date is Dec 14. I feel like I am eating anything and everything I wouldn't normally have. I feel like it is my last meal everytime. I have gained weight since my initial consult. I know it's not true that we can never have some of our favorites and your posts are helping prepare my mind that it is not about deprivation like past diets. I always failed when I felt deprived. (I know some foods are difficult like bread, Pasta, soda)

I also realize I need new hobbies and things to keep me busy living my life instead of thinking about food and what I am going to eat, or what I shouldn't have eaten, and how I will change tomorrow, or keep wishing I was different. I am going to starat living to the fullest and be thankful for my family and friends in my life.

Good luck to everyone. I am happy we can share these feelings. :rolleyes2::redface::tongue2:

[plh2u 0]

In my lapband support group at the hospital, I was one of the youngest out of about 50-60 people, and I'm 40! you're NEVER too young to LIVE! and enjoy life!!! An 80 year old woman would be very offended to hear someone in their 40s saying "am I too old for this? or that?" Thats what I tell myself if I start down that track. Good luck to you all!

[Vicki J 0]

Hey all - I was banded last December at the ripe old age of 53. LOL! Let me tell you a little bit about it. I never had my band synched down so tight that I had problems other than an occassional pain in my chest saying "hey dummy, you ate too much (or too fast)." Yeah, if I really wanted to I could probably eat more than the 3 oz that we're supposed to eat but I'm so satisfied with the 3 oz that I rarely go beyond that. Being "restricted" is not being choked by the band but a subtle contentment.

As far as missing food goes, you'll be able to probably eat pretty much like you do now. Try things gently because some things that work today may not work tomorrow and it will go back and forth like that. Lello said it well. The main thing is to get over the fact that there are "forbidden" things out there. If you want something do it in a controlled fashion so that you will be able to put it down and not eat it all. Living does not mean eating cardboard.

The hardest thing for me was to stop eating when I was enjoying my meal so much (taste). I had to learn that if I wanted more I could always have more later, cleaning my plate is not manditory and I usually forgot all about the item that I so craved within a few minutes. If I still wanted more, I had more at the next meal. Also, when you get mad or upset you have to react like other people and vent. Yep, becoming one of those skinny beings we all admired from the side takes some learning. The big thing is to realize what the emotion is and deal with it. You will stop craving the stuff and you will adjust.

Life on this side is grand. You'll move around better and enjoy it more.

Good luck.