Did I overreact?

[MyDay2Shine 1]

Melolo-I completely agree that a discussion would have been much more mature-I acted before I took time to think about how I felt. If I thought what I did was completely justified I wouldn't have asked how everyone here felt about it! I have been contemplating having my husband read this entire thread. I know if I were to ask him about the magazine (by the way it was just one) he would automatically apologize and not think about how he really feels about it. He rarely disagrees with me to my face, we never get mad or argue with each other. Neither one of us likes confrontation-so I thought if he reads the thread he will see some people agree with me and some with him. We are a great team and have a wonderful life. We come from really different places. I have had a lot of life experience and he has had very little, so I know at times I can be very hard (think tough love). He does by the way point out when I treat him like a child, and reminds me to back off. With other men I've been with I have NEVER had a problem with them going to strip clubs, adult movies, magazines. When I first met my husband I didn't mind that stuff either, then my husband did something no one has ever done. He made me let him in, he made me trust him, love him and depend on him. And that makes me feel really vulnerable. I think he is the most amazing person in the world and the first person to ever really love and care about me. And the first person I have ever depended on. I think this is the first time in my life I have felt like I could say no. In past relationships I felt like the guys "needed" strip clubs, movies, magazines and other stuff because I was so worthless/unattractive. Now because my hubby makes me feel like I am worthy of his love, I think it makes me feel really vulnerable. I HATE FEELING VULNERABLE. Those feeling of inferiority came back when I saw the magazine. Its also funny that every single close friend (that knows us both) has confessed to doing the same thing with their husbands. For example: busted adult DVDs, a piece left on each step in the house, playboy magazines tossed in the fire, smashed up home movies (okay he deserved that one, it was with an ex). I don't know if it is who my friends are or where we live, but these are some beautiful, confident, freaky in the bedroom (tmi) kind of women, that all reacted the same way as me. I'm not saying I was right-I'm just saying I'm really glad to have people here to tell me how they feel. I always value both sides to every story. Thanks!

[luluc 6]

, then my husband did something no one has ever done. He made me let him in, he made me trust him, love him and depend on him. And that makes me feel really vulnerable. I think he is the most amazing person in the world and the first person to ever really love and care about me. And the first person I have ever depended on. I think this is the first time in my life I have felt like I could say no. !

that is an extremely honest response.

my husband is the only who has ever broken thru the walls i have, rather had...so i get it. i had taken care of myself for a LONG time before he came into the picture, and to "share" / be vulnerable / trusting / honest / communicative - all at the same time was a bit overwheming.

we decided early on that if i can't express it; i can't expect him to read my mind - so therefore the issue doesn't exist. it wasn't fair for him to not get what was bothering me just reading my body language.

so now - it's his own damn fault because i comment on everything :thumbup:.

i will say this; my husband has 2 friends who's wives are agains ANY porn / strip club you name it. guess what they want to do when they have a night out??? you got it, and then i have the 2 wives complain to me that since i allow my husband, he corrupts their husbands. speaks more to their insecurity really.

set realistic expectations with each other on the subject & set parameters - he can't guess where your coming from unless you tell him.

[Melolo 0]

Smartiegirl are you trying to make me cry? Because that was so beautiful. Ok! So it sounds like you have a healthy and loving relationship and maybe you just had a moment and he slipped. Maybe you should suggest the next time he gets the urge for some spiciness that he gives you a hint...like for example leaving you a note or whispering in your ear what he wants to see you wearing. After I get rid of this weight I not only promised my husband some wild stuff but myself as well. FUN! FUN! FUN! So girlfriend I hope you both can agree upon a fun alternative to replace the magazine. YAHOOOO!:thumbup:

[kimaly 57]

I think your Daughter is is old enough to be taught to respect other peoples property, You should have told her it was not her concern what was in the bag it didn't belong to her. with that being said, where is the trust? why didn't you ask your husband about it before you went snooping? makes me think you might have bigger problems then porn. anyway, hope things work out for you. try to work on communication. It can really help and the lack of can destroy a marrage

[Melolo 0]

i will say this; my husband has 2 friends who's wives are agains ANY porn / strip club you name it. guess what they want to do when they have a night out??? you got it, and then i have the 2 wives complain to me that since i allow my husband, he corrupts their husbands. speaks more to their insecurity really.

set realistic expectations with each other on the subject & set parameters - he can't guess where your coming from unless you tell him.

I guess this is a no brainer because once again I agree with you LuLuc. You know I had to do some growing up after I got married because in a ideal world for me (and maybe some other women) but I'm talking about me... I felt my husband should just have eyes for me. I also felt this way when it came to my exes I thought they were being so disrespectful when they looked at other women.

I just learned that most men are visual by nature and sight is the first and most used sense out of all the senses for some men. I had to learn that just because a man may glance at another woman doesn't mean he wants to sleep with her and even if the fantasy does run across his mind doesn't mean he's going to act on it, and even if he tries doesn't mean he has a snowball chance in hell that it will happen.:thumbup: I also had to learn that just because he look at other women... that didn't take away from me being the Fabulous Woman that I am. So we keep growing and learning.

Edited November 13, 2008 by Melolo

[Donna113 2]

I have a question for everyone/anyone who wanders into this thread: Would you consider a happy finish in a massage cheating?

I told my husband that I would not consider that cheating and he looked at me like I was an alien.

[Melolo 0]

WOW! It's like you know me. My goodness I had to stop asking a fellow co-worker for massages because while his magic hands were working on my back, neck, and shoulders I would be making sounds, and telling him if it wasn't for the fact that he's gay I would ask him to marry me. So that's a tough question, because I know how I react to big strong hands kneading and manipulating tired and aching inches of my body... Oops! I lost myself for a minute:blush: Ahhhh...I don't think it's cheating I think it maybe a natural reaction to what I just stated above.:thumbdown: Boy! I need to schedule a massage.

[luluc 6]

I have a question for everyone/anyone who wanders into this thread: Would you consider a happy finish in a massage cheating?

I told my husband that I would not consider that cheating and he looked at me like I was an alien.

donna you made me crack up!!!

DH calls it a happy ending - are you talking via manipulation or just something that happened while relaxed & aroused at the same time.

i would view as cheating if junk was touched.

[Melolo 0]

Ok LuLuc I'm disagreeing with you on this one. Because I still say it maybe a natural response to what your body is experiencing. Now when you say the junk being touch are you talking about a slight graze because that can happen or a full hands on massaging the butt or other body parts. If the full hands on is the case than of course that's cheating especially if you allow it to proceed and not get up and smack the hell out of the masseuse. If it happens like the first part where it's just an accidental graze then no I don't think so I beleive the body experiences the greatest pleasure through touching and feeling and it automatically responds to such manipulation whether it relaxes you are arouses you.:thumbdown:

[Donna113 2]

I'm talking via manipulation. I mean, there's nothing more relaxing than the big O so wouldn't a massage feel a bit incomplete without one? I've never had a professional massage but all my private sessions have ended with the big O. I'd feel gyped otherwise. :thumbdown:

[Melolo 0]

Ok! I need to ask this question if it's not a professional massage than who's giving the private lesson? I'm confused.

Are you talking about someone besides your significant other. Please clarifiy because you're losing me.:thumbdown:

[luluc 6]

I'm talking via manipulation.

i view manipulation ***close ears for those offended - jerking one off***, not the natural course of a massage where parts are grazed and arousal takes part.

i say that - because there are a LOT of "happy ending places in dallas - where one does not go for the enjoyment of "massage" nor get one.:thumbdown:....

see above post re- husband friends, it's a joke around their wives that they're clueless about...

ohhhhh taking this thread elsewhere i see...LOL

[Melolo 0]

Donna 113: IT'S CHEATING. I would probably look at my husband the sameway if he came at me with this scenario.:thumbdown:

[Melolo 0]

Boy I must be green :thumbdown: because I thought you were talking about a professional massage.

[Melolo 0]

Oops! I just read it again. You're saying if you get a professional massage and have the big "O" is that consider cheating because when that signicant other has given you one that is the end response to them massaging you. Duh! I finally got it. Wow! I would have to think about that...because it depends on whether you're seeking to have one or it just involuntarily happens. I get back to you on this one. I have to let it marinade.:thumbdown: