Did I overreact?

[MyDay2Shine 1]

OK so here's the story. Last night my husband was at school and I was getting my 10 year old daughter ready for bed. She wanted to know what daddy would have in a black back that she found in his car. She said she saw the bag and he tore it away from her and put it in his trunk. I quickly racked my brain and dirty magazine popped into my head. So this morning my husband went to work in his work truck and just for the heck of it I looked in his trunk and sure enough in a black bag was a VERY GRAPHIC PORNO magazine. This was not a Playboy or even a Penthouse, this was way more graphic. Anyway I was irritated, I mean true it wasn't in the house, but my little girl did almost see it. It also bugs me that my husband treats me like an absolute princess, and secretly he is more into dirty raunchy sluts! Anyway I decided the best thing to do was to shred it up in our paper shredder and throw it in the garbage! Now in many ways this makes me laugh, but I have to admit that while I was shredding I did feel a little over whelmed with guilt that I was destroying his personal property. What do you think, did I overreact with the shredding? Oh and by the way my plan was to not say anything to him at all because I KNOW he is never going to ask me if I took away his porno. Sometimes I feel more like the mother of a teenage boy than a wife of a 30 year old man! And yes I do know shredding the magazine and not confronting him is very passive aggressive.

Edited November 11, 2008 by Smartiegirl
typo

[Esmeralda 2]

I think maybe you did overreact but I can't speak for you because porno to me is not a problem, I don't mind my boyfriend enjoying it whether I like it or not. I guess I rather let him see around me than do it behind my back then I would feel like he is hiding something.

[Vangirl 0]

I woulda done the same thing.

[tapshoes 2]

Probably. Your anger may be understandable, but to search 'his truck' then open up the bag, and then shred the contents is (IMO) over the top.

You are right though, he probably won't ask you about the bag! Did you leave the empty bag (and really make him squirm wondering where the mag is:sneaky:) or remove it too?

[MyDay2Shine 1]

I tossed the bag out with the shreds. Also I did not search his work truck, I wouldn't do that, I just opened the trunk of our mutual car. We have a Jeep and an Elantra, I usual drive the Jeep and he usually drive the car, but they both belong to both of us. I don't know, I'm still torn, I keep giggling to myself about it:lol:, then I feel bad for destroying his property.

Edited November 11, 2008 by Smartiegirl
spelling

[Donna113 2]

I take it you two have never had a discussion about pornography. My husband and I both agree porn is stupid so we don't have it in the house, but if he liked porn and wanted some mags, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. Porn on computers is another matter entirely.

[luluc 6]

like donna - i wonder what conversation you had about porn be it a magazine, video, computer. DH and i are pretty open about the first 2, i think computer pornography can demonstrate other issues - mainly because i see that as something private & individual. the other 2 can be shared.

that said, we have no children - so there is no issue of "who" may find "what".

overreact - ya, i think you did. more so invading the privacy and then destroying. if it was such a bother, he may have been receptive to an honest discussion about your distaste of the subject. he'll notice it gone, and likely come to the conclusion you destroyed / threw it away......and that might bring up other issues, such as trust.

just my 2cents...

[Melolo 0]

Wow!? I kind of understand where you're coming from but than I don't and I'll give you several reason why.

First of all you didn't talk to him about what you found. You didn't talk to him about why he has the magazines. I know some people think "Well that's obvious," but maybe not. I would have asked him if there is something lacking in the intimacy department.

You stated that he like's to treat you like a princess, but than he looks at dirty raunchy sluts. I'm not trying to tell you how to handle you're business...but have you ever heard of the saying, "Be a Lady in the streets, but be a Freak in the sheets. Maybe he treats you like a princess out of respect among other things, but sometimes you got to show him a little sumthin sumthin.

Then you stated that you feel more like the mother of a teenage boy... but didn't you just treat him like a boy by destroying his personal property without having a mature discussion. I know I would want to find out why he thinks he needs to waste money buying those kinds of magazines. What is there to prevent him from purchasing more magazines.

I'm not saying that he's right to be sneaking around... He's wrong for not addressing any issues that he may have, but then he could simply enjoy looking at the magazines. But if it was me I would give those magazines a run for his money... Shoot! He would be spending the money he use to buy those magazines on some purchases from Priscilla's so we could have some real fun:wub: HOLLA!!!

Edited November 11, 2008 by Melolo

[Nanook 2]

I think you can explain to him how it makes you feel without sounding like his mother. If he understands you better and you two have an agreement about porn in the future it would be much easier for the both of you.

[MyDay2Shine 1]

I'm so happy with the feedback. To be honest I thought more people were going to agree with me, or find it funny. It is good for me to hear the truth. I do tend to treat him like a child sometimes, and I need to stop. I used to not care about his magazines and dvds, but he got sloppy and he was leaving them around the house. You can't do that when you have kids. Every guy I know has this stuff, I just like to think that my husband is different. From what I know about men and porn, it really has nothing to do with his relationship with me, he just likes it.

[pattig 0]

I don't think you overreacted. I don't know how raunchy this stuff is, but it sounds pretty bad to me. I think you should speak with him about it. Raunch just gets raunchier!! Playboy is ok, but raunch COULD be a little much. Yes, I'm in my 40's and have become pretty conservative, but you need to speak to him.

[BethFromVA 5]

In my belief, when in a marriage (or even a mutually exclusive relationship, but for SURE a marriage), porno must be agreed to by BOTH parties. If one doesn't agree, the other should respect his/her mate's feelings on the matter. Period.

[Sunwyse 1]

If you didn't have problems with it before, what's changed now? It wasn't in the house, it was in the trunk of your car, you daughter can't get to that. OK, so it was in the car at first, but mistakes happen.

Do you have a problem with the way he treats you? A lot of women have fantasies about being slutty, maybe you secretly would like him to treat you this way occasionally when intimate, like fantasy role playing, but you don't know how to bring it up with him and your reaction to the mag (shredding it) was really you saying, if you can't have your fantasy, then neither can he.

[MyDay2Shine 1]

Sunwyse, You may be on to something there. I have actually asked him to treat me like that, but he acts uncomfortable with it. I think I may have come off like a bit of a prude . I'm the one that was wild-he was the one that wanted to settle down. Don't get me wrong marrying him is the BEST thing I have ever done. At no point today was I angry with him, I was just irritated. I've talked it over with 2 close friends that know us both and they think shredding the magazine was hilarious. But they also said I really need to talk to him. I don't want to talk to him though. What am I supposed to say "sorry hon at some point when you weren't looking I turned into a jealous spaz?":lol:

[luluc 6]

What am I supposed to say "sorry hon at some point when you weren't looking I turned into a jealous spaz?":lol:

yes, then buy him some "new ones" - get a sitter for the kids & improvise:wink: