I am scared and torn. Please help me

[rdt123 0]

I am in a very difficult situation right now. Before, when I began persuing the surgery, I was almost totally sure it was what I wanted. My mother supported me, and my father accepted it. I am one of five shildren and one of my older sisters is almost finished with her degree in Oriental medicine. My family as a whole are into natural remedies. We are not extremists to any degree, but just prefer the natural method if it produces results. My dad is openly against the surgery because he says that if all the band does is restrict what you can eat, then I could do that myself. I could just decide to eat less and make the diet changes you would if you had the band and it would produce the same results. Is that possable? My two older sisters are against the surgery too, for one because they are worried about my mental health in the future. They are worried about what effect not being able to eat a normal portion of food is going to have on me and the interaction I have with people. My dad is also worried because even if you have the band, you can cheat, so what is it that is stopping me? He asks what is going to be different when I have the band, as opposed to now? If I can't do the post- surgery diet now, then I am not going to be able to do it then. I am also worried about it. I don't have the willpower now to say 'no' to a cookie that is sitting in front of me, or the piece of chocolate in the fridge. I sneak food a lot. If I can't eat healthily now, what is going to make me make the right decisions after I have the surgery? Right now I am living with my parents because I am going to school and can't afford to live by myself, so any decision I make is greatly influenced by my parents. I am not a decision maker, but I know I have to make this one. I just need to be prepared to defend my decision because if I decide to go through with it, I am not able to keep it from my family.

My underlying question is: Is it possible to have the same lasting results if I followed the post-surgery diet?

I would really appreciate any input, especially if anyone has medical schooling.

I am supposed to go in for my lab work on the 5th and my surgery is scheduled for the 20th. If I am not going to have the surgery, I need to let the hospital know.

Someone, anyone, I am looking for answers. :cursing:

[GratefulHeart 0]

I don't think I can answer all of your questions, because it's true - the motivation has to come from within you. With that being said, I had the band surgery almost two weeks ago and have to say that for me, it has made a big difference in the hunger I feel, and therefore makes it much easier to say no to food that my family is eating around me. While they are not eating food that is bad for them, I still do not personally feel the need to grab a bite of whatever they're having. The Protein shakes keep me full enough. I did try the Protein shake diet before surgery, and was successful with that as well, but I did feel more hunger.

Every case is different; there are some folks who have been banded that do feel hungry after the surgery (affectionately known as "Bandster Hell") - until you get to that "sweet spot" where you no longer are driven by physical hunger to overeat or eat too fast. Of course I'm not there, as I haven't had a fill yet. But I don't feel as hungry as I used to, as often, either. The band is a tool that will enable you to resist eating more than you should because of physical hunger. Your family is right, though, about the "head hunger," or what makes you eat whether you're hungry or not. So it's really a combnation of a very effective tool if you work it, and your own motivation to keep working it. No one is perfect and follows the plan exactly, but the point is that it sure makes it easier to get back on track if you get off track. At least that's what I've been able to gain from reading the posts here.

The bottom line for me was discovering what motivated me to eat, handling the hunger, and at my age trying to make the rest of my body healthy to live long enough to enjoy maybe another 30 years or so. My own personal motivation is the high blood pressure I suddenly developed, as well as wanting to be able to do things I can't do now. But your own motivation has to come from within yourself, not your family. You CAN do it, and the Lap Band IS an effective tool. It's not magic, it won't do the work for you, but it sure will make it a lot easier.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do...this board is a great support for you too, and most people are more than willing to help wherever they can.

[Shauna80 0]

I am in a very difficult situation right now. Before, when I began persuing the surgery, I was almost totally sure it was what I wanted. My mother supported me, and my father accepted it. I am one of five shildren and one of my older sisters is almost finished with her degree in Oriental medicine. My family as a whole are into natural remedies. We are not extremists to any degree, but just prefer the natural method if it produces results. My dad is openly against the surgery because he says that if all the band does is restrict what you can eat, then I could do that myself. I could just decide to eat less and make the diet changes you would if you had the band and it would produce the same results. Is that possable? My two older sisters are against the surgery too, for one because they are worried about my mental health in the future. They are worried about what effect not being able to eat a normal portion of food is going to have on me and the interaction I have with people. My dad is also worried because even if you have the band, you can cheat, so what is it that is stopping me? He asks what is going to be different when I have the band, as opposed to now? If I can't do the post- surgery diet now, then I am not going to be able to do it then. I am also worried about it. I don't have the willpower now to say 'no' to a cookie that is sitting in front of me, or the piece of chocolate in the fridge. I sneak food a lot. If I can't eat healthily now, what is going to make me make the right decisions after I have the surgery? Right now I am living with my parents because I am going to school and can't afford to live by myself, so any decision I make is greatly influenced by my parents. I am not a decision maker, but I know I have to make this one. I just need to be prepared to defend my decision because if I decide to go through with it, I am not able to keep it from my family.

My underlying question is: Is it possible to have the same lasting results if I followed the post-surgery diet?

I would really appreciate any input, especially if anyone has medical schooling.

I am supposed to go in for my lab work on the 5th and my surgery is scheduled for the 20th. If I am not going to have the surgery, I need to let the hospital know.

Someone, anyone, I am looking for answers. :cursing:

I am in the medical profession, and was banded on Sept 18th. I have lost 20 pounds so far...You have to go into this surgery with the right mental attitude towards food and life. This is a LIFESTYLE CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is not an easy fix...if you cant get your mind around the fact that you will have to change your eating habits, and exercise then this will not work for you. The band is a TOOL, its not going to make you lose weight, its a tool to assist in your weight loss. If you want to lose weight and not really do much work, then the band is not for you...maybe the bypass is a better option. Your family is not educated on what the band is, or does by what you wrote. You are not going to have mental distress because you can't eat a normal size plate of spagetti. You can eat most foods, depending on the person. Me personally have a hard time eating white starches because they get stuck, and its uncomfortable, so I dont do it..I guess if I really wanted them I could suffer through the pain but its not worth it, and I dont miss it! This is something that you have to do when you are mentally ready to do so. If you are not a decision maker, then you need to talk with a professional about how to make a life altering decision that is for your health. NO one can make this decision for you. I LOVE MY BAND...and I can honestly say this is the best thing I have done for myself. I eat pretty much what I want, just smaller portions..I dont deprive myself, but the band does not allow me to overeat. You wont be able to eat 5 Cookies and a bag of chips...Im good to get 1 or 2 Cookies down on an empty stomach. If you have any other questions, feel free to PM me. Good luck, and do whats best for you!

Shauna

[sara7venus 0]

Maybe it's best if you just don't discuss your surgery with your family, if they're not supportive. I made it a point to keep my surgery a secret from almost everyone I know (except my husband and parents), simply because I was afraid that I would hear all the unsupportive crap that everyone has to say. "It's the easy way out". Well I'm here to tell you that having the band is NOT easy. It's the most difficult thing I've ever done! It is a whole different lifestyle. And you CAN make bad choices with the band. The band doesn't stop ice cream from going down, and it doesn't stop Cookies, either (for the most part). I just got to a good level of restriction with my 14cc band, and I am now eating roughly 1100 calories per day, while not being hungry AT ALL. This would simply not be possible without the band. If I were eating this many calories previous to having the band, I would be going nuts from hunger, and would probably be unable to concentrate on my work/daughter, and have little or no energy. This way, I am totally satisfied eating a VERY small portion, and I don't have that need or want to keep eating. I just CAN'T eat anymore. Feeling stuffed after eating a hardboiled egg is an awesome feeling! I have lost 30 or so pounds since June, and I feel GREAT. You can't change your families' minds, but you can decide not to let their opinions affect the decisions you make. You are more important than that.

[chicagomom312 0]

My dad is openly against the surgery because he says that if all the band does is restrict what you can eat, then I could do that myself. I could just decide to eat less and make the diet changes you would if you had the band and it would produce the same results. Is that possable? My two older sisters are against the surgery too, for one because they are worried about my mental health in the future. They are worried about what effect not being able to eat a normal portion of food is going to have on me and the interaction I have with people. My dad is also worried because even if you have the band, you can cheat, so what is it that is stopping me? He asks what is going to be different when I have the band, as opposed to now? If I can't do the post- surgery diet now, then I am not going to be able to do it then. I am also worried about it. I don't have the willpower now to say 'no' to a cookie that is sitting in front of me, or the piece of chocolate in the fridge. I sneak food a lot. If I can't eat healthily now, what is going to make me make the right decisions after I have the surgery? Right now I am living with my parents because I am going to school and can't afford to live by myself, so any decision I make is greatly influenced by my parents. I am not a decision maker, but I know I have to make this one. I just need to be prepared to defend my decision because if I decide to go through with it, I am not able to keep it from my family.

Hey rdt - I'm not a trained medical specialist but I'm not sure if I need to be one to at least share some observations about your situation with you. 1) Your family situation doesn't sound so ideal right now - your dad asking why you can't do this w/o the surgery indicates to me that he is still unclear about what the surgery is meant to be - a last resort for people who have spent many years dealing with weight-related illnesses and diseases. If you were suffering from Type-II diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, lower-back sciatica, or whatever and the doctors said: well, this lap-band surgery will be a step in the direction of healing, I'm sure it would help him see the light about what the surgery is for.

2) If you are still sneaking food and you're supposed to get this surgery on 11/20 (which is when my date is) then I'd request from your PCP some additional visits to a nutritional psychologist, someone who can help you address the underlying issues that have been driving you to do that to yourself. When I started this process 4 months ago, I just saw all the visits to the nutritionist and the psych. eval. stupid hoops I had to jump through to satisfy my HMO. But I've lost 10 lbs in the process, and actually changed my eating behaviour (which included a lot of mindless snacking). Even if you could address the sneaking food part successfully, I think it would be a huge step forward in preparation for the surgery.

3) Finally, as for your sisters - I'm sorry, but I think their "concerns" are quite transparently self-motivated. Maybe they're thin, maybe they're overweight too - whatever it is, I really really don't think how other people will react when you have a small portion of food is a valid "concern". What I'm starting to realise is that for some people around us, even family members, our being obese sometimes acts like a security blanket for them - they may not be aware of it, but knowing they can count on you to fix a huge meal and to overeat with them when they're feeling low is something that maybe they can't handle?

Well, I hope these observations helped - I can't say I know exactly what you are going through b/c we're about 15 years apart in age, but I do remember my early 20s and I wasn't as overweight as I am today and I still had a lot of issues to deal with :rolleyes2:. Good luck to you - have faith in yourself!

kathleen

[sharnut 0]

Hello, I was banded on 6/24/08 - The biggest thing I noticed was that after the surgery, I was not hungry as I was pre-surgery. Yes, I get hungry but i've become aware of what my body wants.. and needs not the "I want voice" that talks to me.

Good luck with your decision.

[zoomomma 1]

Hello. I get the feeling from reading your post that your family is not entirely educated about the band. They don't understand about the hunger and overeating, or maybe they understand too well and don't want to lose their eating buddy. Either way, this is your decision and no one else can make it for you. You have to be willing to see and understand why you eat the way you do or the band will not work for you. It is merely a tool that helps keep the insatiable hunger away. I have not been banded but have been researching for about 5 years now. Everything I have read says the same thing. You have to work the band or it won't work for you. It's not a magic cure - it won't magically make the pounds fall off of you. As for the mental health aspect, your family needs to understand the mental anguish you go through now. Do they want you to be miserable for the rest of your life because of the weight and failed attemtps? Or do they want you to be healthy and happy? Maybe you should ask? I hope this helps. While I don't understand a family being so unsupportive, I do know that I can do this, with help from the lap band. This is a personal decision and cannot be made or influenced by anybody but you. Remember, TOOL not magic cure. Also remember that you can find tons of supportive and caring people on this site. It has been my best resource so far. Hoping and praying for you.

[PSJ71 0]

I just posted a question sort of like this about eating. I just wanted to say thank you to you all who provided this type of insight. I know this is something I really want to do. And this makes me feel better about my decision to have the band. I have a lot of bad habits to break, but I still feel the band is the right choice. I can't wait to be able to post my progress after I get the band.

Thank you!

[rdt123 0]

I know I have to make the decision, and more and more I am wanting to do it. When I tell my dad this his question is going to be why not do the diet without the band, so my question is, is that possible?

Raphaella

[GratefulHeart 0]

Sure, anything is possible, but it's far less likely that you'll be able to stick to it without the band. I can't speak from personal experience yet, because I have no restriction yet in my band. The whole point is that the band is a tool to help you do what you know you need to do. When you get the proper amount of restriction, you'll have the added advantage of less hunger, which means you won't be as driven to overeat as you otherwise would. Yes, you still have to use your own choices to work the band, but the band makes it easier to stick to something that you (and the rest of us) have already proven we can't stick to on our own. There will be tough times, as the band is not the total answer; it is just part of the answer. It won't always be easy; but you'll have a surgeon and his/her staff on your side to help you along the way. They, unlike your family, understand what you're going through and what's happening with your body, and have helped lots of other people succeed in losing weight when they otherwise couldn't.

Have your dad (and anyone else who will go) attend a seminar with you. I have heard that a lot of people's minds were changed after hearing the information at a seminar. It's worth a shot!

[sara7venus 0]

Your question is "can a person just diet without the band and get similar results?". I think the answer for me is *absolutely not*! The result, for me, after a day of eating no more than 1100 calories, is being unable to sleep or concentrate on anything but my hunger. Another result of that inability to sleep is an inability to focus on taking care of myself, the way I should be. As I said previously, the band takes away the hunger that I used to feel. I feel full after eating 4 oz. of food! I would say that's pretty miraculous, especially for me; I have always had a seemingly insatiable appetite. The band changes things for people. I can already see that there are questions about how much food I eat. "Is that ALL you're eating? You must be sick." Well, for the first time in my life I feel truly HEALTHY ... The band controls something that was completely out of whack for my entire life - my hunger. I am here to tell you that, no matter what anyone says, it is your decision. All of this is entirely up to you, and if you let what other people say discourage you or alter how you're thinking about yourself, then you will not succeed. If, on the other hand, you make this decision for yourself (and for no one else), and if you approach it with honesty about your weaknesses and strengths, you will have a much greater chance of succeeding. I think I speak for everyone here when I say that we all want you to succeed. Best of luck to you.

-Sarah H.