sabotoging myself...why oh why???

[midwestchickie 0]

Sooo, I had my first fill, and I have no restriction. None. Nada. I expected this could happen. I keep on trucking along, as of Saturday, I've lost 30 pounds. I am able to eat up to 4 oz 3x a day. I got on the scale yesterday and I was up .8 pounds. I *know* in my head to just let it go, but I got in a funk. I ate candy yesterday. I ate 3 musketeers, thinking, "ohh well...it will just slide on through...who gives a fluck? I ate chips...and the bad behavior has continued today. My "justification" is b/c I have no restriction and I'm very hungry. I hate myself right now. What the hell is that??? I paid cash for this surgery and I eat chips? ?

FYI...I don't really have any deep seated problems tht cause me to do this...it's just bad habits...me wanting that ONE LAST piece of crap to eat. It's sooo silly. I know I can do it. I was perfect for my preop diet and up until a few days before my fill. *sigh*

ps...I think I'm also feeling a sense of "this isn't going to work" I know in my brain that it may take 2,3, 4 fills before I feel restriction, but since I feel nothing, it's hard for me to understand that there will come a point when I eat a tiny meal and feel full....right????? It's almost like my mind is saying, "well, you fat azzz, nothing worked so far, why would you think this would work?" As my dh would say, "that is stinkin' thinkin"!

Edited October 30, 2008 by midwestchickie

[dal 0]

Take it easy on yourself! Awareness is the key and this is a journey. We have wanted quick fixes forever. This is not that, but it is a direction that will help restrict us. Just try to eat Protein stuff - it does stick with you better. Soon you will be at that zone of less food for longer periods of time. How about patting yourself on the back instead of the beating - you are a gift from God...try that one! I bet you will feel better. We will make it!

[midwestchickie 0]

Thank you Jack for that insightful answer. I've always appreciated your posts since I've been around.

Some good points to ponder as I start a new day tommorow.

Yes, I will rise above this, and yes...I will eat tommorow until I'm nurished...not stuffed and feeling horrible. :biggrin:

[midwestchickie 0]

Thanks dal, that was a very sweet reply...brought a little tear to my eyes!!

I'm thinking a good nights sleep and a fresh day tommorow....!!!

Thank you, thank you all...

[terilynn112 1]

You slipped into bad habits of the past. I've done it. Today is a new day. This day God made for each of us. We need to take it, and make better choices. With God, our hope, and our support, we can do this. We will learn to make better choices.

I know one thing that really helps me not to over eat, is I measure out the amount I'm supposed to be eating each meal. Sometimes that satisfies, other times it does not. I have no restriction at all yet. I've had no flls yet. It's going to take time.

*Holding hands* we can do this! We will win this battle!

teri