I think I am ready

justbeingme · July 8, 2005

If we can get the loan and the dr approves me, I think I am ready to go with the surgery. There is one thing I know if I don't tell my sister that she will find out some other way, but I am afraid to tell her in fear she will want it done. My sister was anorexic and buliamic and still will do anything to lose weight. I know she wouldn't be qualified to do the surgery but she will want it. I am not telling anyone but you know how the sisterly bond goes you want to tell but I don't want people to know. Thanks in advance for any help and advice you can offer!

July 8, 2005

One of the things I've learned on this journey is that you can't control other people's actions - only yours. Tell your sister if you want to or not, but you can't control how she'll take it. Just do what you can.

jayme

giveyouthemoon · July 8, 2005

You need to take this journey for YOU and not worry about how it will affect other people. Your choices are for YOU. You cannot make choices for anyone, no matter how much you love them.

As a recovered/recovering bulimic, I can tell you if she's actively in the middle of the disorder, there is no reasoning with her, there are no logical thoughts when it comes to food and eating and body image.

Will she be upset if you lose weight? Yes. YOU need to figure out how you feel about that and how you'll be okay about it. You can't fix her or how she feels. But how do YOU feel about yourself in a situation where your sister feels bad abour herself standing next to you? You can't make her feel better, you can only make choices for yourself. And her feeling bad is no reason to not have this surgery.

It's the old saying...don't hide your light under a bushel basket.

Will she whine at you and say she wishes she could have a band? Yes. How will you manage what feelings that brings up in you?

As a sibling of someone who suffers the terrible demons of an eating disorder, you too have suffered the effects of this addiction (and it IS an addiction). If you don't already have a therapist of your own I HIGHLY suggest you find one well prior to your surgery. They will help you deal with your own food issues and with how to better handle dealing with your sister. (If your sister doesn't have a therapist that's her own deal but know she'll never climb out of the addiction without professional help. It's a long and twisted road.)

"Nita · July 8, 2005

My sister, who certainly wouldn't qualify for any sort of weight loss surgury at a size 8...have to hate her, huh? LOL...has gone on and on about how she wants it too. How she is gonna try to find a doctor to do it, yada, yada, yada....

She won't find anyone to do it, she won't pay that money even if she did, she knows somewhere in her rational thought that it just isn't gonna happen and so do I. I knew this would be the case and proceeded without giving it another thought. You can't let someone else's reactions to things (especially irrational reactions) dictate your choices.

Best of luck. She will eventually get the idea out of her head once she finds that no doctor will do it if she isn't in need of it, so don't worry, just do what you need to do.

justbeingme · July 14, 2005

Thanks for the input! I told my sister yesterday and she is all for it. She says anything that makes me healthier is a good idea. I was so surprised i got the exact opposite reaction than I was expecting!! Well again thanks!