How do you tell your friends?

[MrsLadyHawk 5]

I've told three people outside of my family. One of them is my best friends in the entire FREAKING world, and the only reason I told her is because she goes after anyone who is rude to me in the slightest way. The second one weighs more than I do, and he is supportive but is now upset because he can't afford it. The third was a mistake, he now can only talk about dating me when I get down to a 'reasonable' size. I tell him to go away, because obviously I want nothing to do with him anymore, but he won't.

I think that you should, as should everyone else, be careful who you tell, and maybe even word it differently to each person.

[embot15 0]

well I just flat out told all my friends.. you should not be afraid or hesitant to tell them because if they are really your friends they will understand and support you 100% if they don't then you don't need friends like that sorry to be frank but its true you only need real friends that will be by your side..

[Erin18 143]

i havent told any of my friends yet, havent even told my best friend. i get my sugery on july 31st and i think ill tell them when school starts up, i dont want people to be telling me its a bad idea and that kind of thing, so i'm just going to wait to tell them (: but its totally up to you if you want to tell them, only if you feel comfortable telling them now or after (:

[drew05 20]

It's been a little over a year since I started my whole journey and still only two of my best friends know. My roommate doesn't even know. As far as she knows I'm on a diet and exercising more. Even better my new job is all physical labor so I'm losing weight even faster. I am perfectly fine with not telling them. Why do they have to know what I've had done to my own body?

All in all I don't see anything wrong with keeping it a secret.

[VQ Motors 0]

I had the same dilemma. i didnt wanna tell anyone but i didnt wanna keep this hidden. I decided not to tell anyone, not any of my friends, not my girlfriend, only ppl that know are my parents.

[oherin 0]

i haven't been banded yet, but i have still told most of my friends. one of my friends is coming with me the day i have my surgery and staying with me a few days afterwords and helping me do what i need to do for school and what not because i can't miss that many days. telling the majority of my friends was not easy, i just came out with it but they have told me they are just worried about the risks involved, not the actual surgery. they are really understanding. some people are less understanding and claim i am taking the easy way out, but over all i have the best friends anyone could ask for in regards to the surgery.

[Harley D 0]

I myself am not going to both telling anyone unless they ask but even then I may not even tell them. I would if I were you keep it with in a few close close close friends that you trust. The only one I have told was my best friend Neva and we have known each other since I was born...no joke..for real, since I was born. Other then that if you feel confertable telling people feel free. They should be understanding of what you are doing.

What I am getting at, is that no one needs to know. Just go about and if you dont want to tell anyone carry around some of those drinks like slim-fast and what not. Truthfuly no one NEEDS to know...its just if you feel confertable telling them.

One way of telling someone is just be yea what ever kind of mood. It will be hard for you and place you and your friend in a weird spot if you say hey we need to sit down and talk. Just be hanging out with them, and just be like "hey man, you know what lap- band surgery is? yea well, I am going to go have it done" something along those lines. If they ask why just tell them that why you are going to have it. It will make things relaxing and not put anyone on the spot so they arent like "oh...ummmmm...well then" sort of thing

Edited August 15, 2009 by Harley D

[greytz 4]

I think it totally depends on your relationship with your friends and if you feel they will support you. I told only my mother (we are really close), my hubby and one other friend. I decided if someone asks me about my weight, I will decide at the time whether or not to say anything. It depends on the situation and how they ask. So far, I have had a lot of support from the people I chose to tell and don't need support from anyone else. I have had a couple of people say something like "Wow you are losing weight" and I just smiled and said "Yeah, I know" and left it at that.

[KimDB 0]

This thread is interesting to me this morning. I am still only in the beginning stages, my full-day consult with psych, dietician, PA, etc. is this wee. This is so much on my mind, I wish I could talk about it with other people .... unfortunately, I just don't have that particular community when it comes to my friends or family.

They're all slender people for the most part, the ones who would say "oh NO please don't mutilate your body, let's go for a walk instead, I'll be your buddy!"

No thanks, I have done that. I well remember the two years I worked out with my neighbor, my workout "buddy" ... I lost count of the times I ended up standing there holding her babies while she did "just another 15 minutes" on the stairmaster. No wonder she wanted a 'workout buddy' ...

My husband knows about this, and my kids. My therapist knows, and one very discreet neighbor ... though that neighbor, while understanding, is one of those people who would not be interested in chatting about "stuff." They are, though, 100% supportive. I think my husband has asked at least three times, when I think I might get a surgery date :w00t:

Thank heaven for this forum. I feel like I can get my dose of "chat" in no matter what.

[Harley D 0]

This thread is interesting to me this morning. I am still only in the beginning stages, my full-day consult with psych, dietician, PA, etc. is this wee. This is so much on my mind, I wish I could talk about it with other people .... unfortunately, I just don't have that particular community when it comes to my friends or family.

They're all slender people for the most part, the ones who would say "oh NO please don't mutilate your body, let's go for a walk instead, I'll be your buddy!"

No thanks, I have done that. I well remember the two years I worked out with my neighbor, my workout "buddy" ... I lost count of the times I ended up standing there holding her babies while she did "just another 15 minutes" on the stairmaster. No wonder she wanted a 'workout buddy' ...

My husband knows about this, and my kids. My therapist knows, and one very discreet neighbor ... though that neighbor, while understanding, is one of those people who would not be interested in chatting about "stuff." They are, though, 100% supportive. I think my husband has asked at least three times, when I think I might get a surgery date

Thank heaven for this forum. I feel like I can get my dose of "chat" in no matter what.

I hope you get the help you need. It is a struggle when your work out buddy isnt working out WITH you. I have to start working out more to I fail at it:thumbdown:. Everytime I go to at the end of the day I am whipped. I want to start doing horse back riding again on the weekends but dont know where to go. If you were in florida I would help you out but sorry. Though, lately I dont even have to work out. Even with out working out I still am able to loose my weight goal for the month and some more. I have not had a fill in for the past two months. I lose to much weight at once and with me being so young doc doesnt want to take a chance so he is trying to slow the weight lose down:thumbdown:. I am ready to get rid of the weight all together...time to move to the moon:thumbup:

[Agent_weinbach 9]

I tell anyone. The more, the merrier. I think that having every single person that is around you on a daily basis knowing what you're going through, then it's going to be a lot easier. I've told almost everyone I know that I am going to get it done and the only people who have responded in any sort of negative way are my sister and my father...but they're both fatties that love being that way. Everyone else is super supportive. They'll know what the actually surgery will be like, the healing, the food, the exercise, emotions, etc. They can relate if they know what they're relating to. And, I think the two that aren't very supportive now, will be once I actually get the procedure done.

[toffeesocks 0]

Only my parents and Gran know. I did tell someone that I was looking to get it done but they're no longer in my life. I brought home a puppy a few weeks prior to my surgery and he's been my comfort buddy. :w00t: It gets a bit lonely going through all the psychological stuff though.

[cmjx34 0]

yeah thats exactly how i feel, i feel like everyone in school would be talking about me if i tell one of my friends and it gets out. i dont know how im going to hid it, its going to be hard.

[thin-over-time 0]

I'm just in the stage with my doctor about getting started with all the before operation stuff. I had my blood taken 2 weeks ago and my doc phoned my house tonight and told me to call tomorrow because i wasn't home. I hope it's about doing more stuff for the surgery and not something really wrong with my blood (wish me luck).

I have only told my parents I'm doing this and am not sure i'll tell anyone else. I'm really having a hard time deciding whether or not I should tell my best friend. She is more like a sister to me, we've known each other since gr.one and she has lived with me for the past 4 years. I'm 18 and we're both in college, she is now renting a room at my brother's house while going to college and we don't see each other as much as we want to. I know she will be really supportive and won't tell anyone but sill...

The reason I'm sure if I want to tell her,or anyone else is because I don't want them to have some expectation of what I should be like after surgery. I want want to have expectations for myself and for myself, I'm not doing this for anyone else but me. I want my life! I fell like I've missed the last 12 years because of my weight. I can't remember the last time I looked in a mirror and even remotely liked the person looking back. Does anybody else feel this way? I feel like I can never have a good time and let loose because of my weight (305 currently). I feel like everyone is always staring at me. I want to be able to go into a store and not have to go to the plus size section to buy clothes...anyways should I tell her?

[Melancholytown 0]

Although people are quick judge, yes that is always true but people are quick to judge with anything you do. I didn't tell my friends for a while and it was eating me up inside so I told them and they took it pretty well. There were some who didn't take it well and there were some who said they would support me no matter what and there were some of my friends who were scared for me.

After I told my friends I felt a bit of regret because yes, I felt like they were judging but I realized there is nothing I can do so I just went with it. Tell you friends the truth, but if strangers ask just tell them you went on a diet and exercise and you're not lying about it either.