How do you tell your friends?

[natashabands 0]

As you guys can probably guess from the thread title, I'm having trouble finding a way to tell my friends I'm getting the surgery. I only have one other overweight friend and she's actually talked to me about wanting the surgery herself, but me telling her I'm getting it is a whole different ball game. Anyway, my point is that most of my friends are skinny and honestly, it seems a little strange telling them about me getting banded.

So do I tell them or not? I mean eventually, they'll notice my new eating habits. And if I do tell them, when? Before, or after the surgery?

It's just really difficult because none of my friends are really alike. Like I said, one is overweight so she understands up to a point, another is skinny, but she gets super angry if anyone mentions my weight and the other two ignore it and probably think I think I'm fine with the way I am.

So who do I tell? Everyone? One person? No one?

What did you guys do?

[sil 0]

it,s up to you an only you, i only told my bf, my 19year an my daughter18 i have a good friend i talk to everyday on the phone, but i haven,t told her, i will after surgery, she,s really small like a string bean, but she knows i,m trying todrop some pounds, but as you know or will find out some people will be judmental including your friends, not bashing them but its depends on which one you can relate to or the close one.i say if you wanna go for it you got my vote.

[MaxDrmmr 0]

tell your friends. they'll most likely not get it or understand, and most likely be against it (like my friends), but you should tell somebody!

[katiebug 6]

Hmm, see in retrospect, I wouldn't have told anyone. If I run into an old friend who doesn't know I have the band, I just tell them I eat significantly less. People judge & I'd rather not have that burden while I'm going through a life-changing experience.

But you should find maybe like one friend, who you KNOW will understand & support you. I don't know.

[drew05 20]

I'm not telling anyone. I've told only my best friend, and my brother. The negative response from my brother made me decide not to tell anyone else. If they notice I don't eat as much I'll just write it off that I'm not hungry. You have no obligation to tell anyone about your decision to have this surgery.

[momcof3 1]

I told my parents and two good friends - one was at work. I ended up telling the other 6 people in my unit and a few others who I work with frequently as they were worried that something was wrong. I have not heard any negative remarks - I don't really care what they think as long as they keep negativity to themselves. I can't lie openly to someone who asks me how I lost 55 lbs - I also see it as an educational moment. Two women at work didn't even know Kaiser did lap-band and now they are looking into it.

It is up to you to decide who to tell, but you will need someone to talk to when you need support.

[natashabands 0]

I'm pretty good support system-wise. Literally five people in my family have gotten the same exact surgery (including my mother) so I can probably go to one of them for help. It's just that I'm horrible with keeping secrets and how do you hide eating habits when your two closest friends love to eat?

It's just frustrating because I KNOW my two closest friends won't understand. Not because they're skinny, but because I've never mentioned a thing about my weight loss or weight gain to them. Yet at the same time, they're probably the ones that deserve to know.

I can tell I'm getting nowhere with this.

Thanks for all the suggestions though.

[gmwatson16 0]

how do you tell friends that you know won't understand? I am pre op right now and just beginning the process, but I have already thought about this. . . my mom and sister know but beyond that i feel like i cant tell anyone.

I have been judged my whole life based on the fact that i am overweight and making something which is supposed to be a positive thing for me negative will ruin it. I dont want to get the lap band and start to feel good about myself only to have friends disapprove.

I thought about lying and just saying i am on a strict diet and only eat a bunch of small meals a day. but what happens when she wants me to have a junk food day or to come over for dinner. My friend will expect me to eat more than i would be able to post op. Maybe im thinking too much into it and i know its early to be worried about it, but i dunno. . .

I dont see how i can tell my friends but i also dont see how i can keep it a secret.

[Sarah.R 2]

Overall the real reason people are usually against it is because they don't really know alot about it, maybe tell your friends like what it exactly is and how it will benefit you, also maybe add in that although you may not have health problems now they way things are going they might happen? I decided to only tell my immediate family (mum, dad and sisters) and then my mother told my aunt who eventually told her son and will eventually tell her daughter and then my mum told my grandmother (even though I said she could) but the fact is basically my entire family is going to know which you know fair enough because I have alot of health problems anyway so they would probably understand - As for friends - I also have a couple of overweight friends who I won't be telling, mainly because they might react the wrong way (most likely will) or react as though why don't you just do something else about your weight or why can't they have the surgery as well? Maybe you can always suss them out and see what there opinions are if you were to get it - in a hypothetical question kinda way

[pholloway 0]

I am not a teen but I am very open minded and my daughter was banded along with me when she was 18. We didnt tell very many people, I did think people may be critical of such a young person as my daughter getting the band. We have told people slowly and I think that is better. When the other young people start noticing a difference in you you can decied all along how to handle it. There are still people who we tell that we are just eating more sensibly, smaller portions, ect and it seems to satisfy them. People you are close to will be happy for you and understand but distant people seem to respect us more if they think we are doing it all on our own. These are just our experiences. Good luck, Hope it goes well.

[hannahj914 0]

teens are just soo quick to judge and i have only told two of my best friend they understand and i wont tell anyone else my age because i feel like the wont understand and honestly most of the time i feel like its none of there BI at the end of the day....

[gamyj 0]

i only told close friends and family. it was no secret that im unhappy with my weight. I don't mention it to anyone on the street lol. I know some people were sceptical when i told them, but they weren't negative, they just wanted to make sure i had really reseached it and knew the pros and cons. everyone has been very supportive. If these are ur true friends I would tell them before the surgery, they may feel really hurt that u didn't mention such a huge life altering event especially if ur super close. good luck whichever you decide!!

amy

[iHaveh0pe3 0]

yeah like i really don't think i want to tell my friends... like i def. realize im doing this 4 myself n not my friends... DONT get me wrong i love my friends&besties.. but i just want this to be just my business... but yeah thats just how i feel.. i dont even think ima tell my best best best bestie(l0l) idk it depends because alot of ppl like to talk.. n i really dont want my business out there.. ya know? :tongue:

[pholloway 0]

I am an adult but I have been there and I think with all the ups and downs that you may go through that you would want to keep this more private and not tell everyone. I think you have the right idea. Some things are better without all the attention.

[brenpren07 0]

As you guys can probably guess from the thread title, I'm having trouble finding a way to tell my friends I'm getting the surgery. I only have one other overweight friend and she's actually talked to me about wanting the surgery herself, but me telling her I'm getting it is a whole different ball game. Anyway, my point is that most of my friends are skinny and honestly, it seems a little strange telling them about me getting banded.

So do I tell them or not? I mean eventually, they'll notice my new eating habits. And if I do tell them, when? Before, or after the surgery?

It's just really difficult because none of my friends are really alike. Like I said, one is overweight so she understands up to a point, another is skinny, but she gets super angry if anyone mentions my weight and the other two ignore it and probably think I think I'm fine with the way I am.

So who do I tell? Everyone? One person? No one?

What did you guys do?

Wish I had friends that would stand up for me if someone talked about my weight. Heck I wish I had friends. Anyways I would tell the first two you mentioned. It seems like they would totally be supportive and that would be good support through your process to have.