Told my MIL- that was a mistake, LOL

tomatogirl · October 22, 2008

I've been avoiding telling my MIL about my surgery because she's very judgemental, plus I didn't want to have to explain if insurance denied me. My son is going to stay with my parents while I'm recouping and they're planning on taking him to see her. My husband pointed out that if I don't tell her, our three-year-old's big mouth will. So, I finally spoke with her the night before last and the conversation went as badly as I imagined it would. She thought it was awful. She said that I was jumping into this decision and that I was making a huge mistake doing this while I was so young (1. I didn't jump into an decision, 2. I WANT to do this while I'm still young). She said if I were going to have anything I should have had RNY, because it's been around longer (:grouphug: So has anorexia- would she like me to try that?). I thought I would feel worse about all her negativity, but honestly, I just don't care. I'm doing this for me, not her.

My husband says she's just jealous- she's probably 300+ lbs and probably wants the surgery herself. Oh well, she knows now.

meschultz · October 22, 2008

tomato.....I thought my MIL would be the same way, but when we told her (both my hubby and I had surgery) she was actually very supportive.. I only thought she would be negative because about 7 years ago I mentioned having the RNY and everyone thought I was crazy and they said they were concerned I would not live... Well 7 years and about 100 lbs gained later.. She is supportive and I am glad.. it really makes it easier when people are on board.. One thing I might suggest is to ask your MIL if she would like to ask you any questions or maybe go to a few appointments with you. The more knowledge of the procedure people have the more open to it they seem to be.. You and your husband are right .. your MIL might be a little jealous because she would like to have the surgery as well, but remember it is better to share your experience and talk then to just think she is being negative and not caring.. Honestly it could be that, but most people just don't understand and are afraid to ask questions.. When I am with my family I like to just tell them EVERYTHING we have to do and sometimes they say it is A LOT, but they will catch on and I simply remind them it is a small price to pay for a healthier longer life.. Best wishes and keep us posted

MustangGirlRN · October 22, 2008

I have made the decision to NOT tell my parents because I know my mom will be very judgemental of me and say all of the things that your mother-in-law said. My Dr's office had some great ideas to explain why I won't be eating much on Thanksgiving, (I'm having my surgery around Nov 10th). The best tip was to tell her that I am serious about losing weight and not waiting until the new year to begin to do it. That's it, end of discussion, and no thank you, I don't want any dessert this year!

I'm sure my mom will figure it out in the long run because she's convinced I'm sloppy and have no will power just because I'm overweight. She would never believe I had it in me to "lose" the weight the "easy" way. I'm fortunate to have a loving husband and mother-in-law as my support people.

noosagirl · October 22, 2008

Its funny I have no problem telling strangers and aquaintances but family and some friends, thats really hard. I know I will never tell my husbands family, not in a million years!

Jachut · October 22, 2008

I had the same experience, I avoided telling my inlaws for AGES, because I thought they'd be judgemental. Afterall, everything was better in there day and mobile phones give you head cancer and young people these days want everything at once, blah blah blah. They're just OLD. But they were very supportive in the end.

Of course, once DH decided to get banded they thought it was the most perfect idea, lol.

Next year, once i have a teaching job lined up (I graduate next year) I'm having breast surgery. I wanted a lift, but have been advised by several surgeons that after feeding 3 kids for six years and losing 100lb I have no breasts left to lift, just empty bags of skin, it will have to be a small implant. I'm DREADING telling them that. In fact I wont tell them I've got implants, specially not my sister who is a breast care specialist and is very anti them becuase they make cancer detection and treatment very difficult.

luluc · October 22, 2008

Its funny I have no problem telling strangers. I know I will never tell my husbands family, not in a million years!

that is TOO funny, i'm the exact same way. my fed exp guy who i hadn't seen in a yr (hubby works out of the house & we get lots of deliveries) asked me yesterday what have i done. i just blurted out that i got the lapband last yr. he's was very sweet.

i have not , nor will tell my MIL about getting the band, nor will my husband tell his mom either he too is banded. her idea of support, is that what's shown to her, and her only. i'm sure she wouldn't be against WLS, however if a conversation should take place where she is not the focus, well an ER trip is on the horizon, as a "heart attack is taking place"...

Swisskaese · October 22, 2008

My mother and sister have both been pushing me to have the lapband surgery. I decided not to tell them anything about it until I have the surgery date. Otherwise, they would have bugged the hell out me. And this is in spite of the fact that there is an ocean and a sea separating us.

aubrie · October 22, 2008

I initially told my mom and dad. they were okay at first, and then mom started doing "research" and got it all confused with bypass. No matter what I said, she was scared half to death. I finally had to tell her I changed my mind and decided against it. she's old, and I didn't want to stress her unnecessarily. After I lost some, I went home. They were stunned and delighted with the results. I looked very healthy and happy, so they were okay with it. I didn't tell my MIL right away, as she has been hyper critical of me in the past. When I did finally let the cat out of the bag, she totally ignored me, and never metioned it positively or negatively. She simply kept her trap shut and didn't say a word. It was wonderful. Almost a year later, she still has never once even mentioned it. She doesn't ask, so I don't tell. She has no idea of the amount of weight I've lost. For ONCE she has minded her own business.

BethFromVA · October 22, 2008

My mom is notorious for saying one thing one time and then flip-flopping on it later on.

She suggested surgery to me a couple times in the past, but frankly, the only surgery I knew about was gastric bypass which scared the bejeepers out of me and was a huge NO in my book. However, I know if I told her before the surgery that I am doing it, she would probably start talking against it. It also doesn't help that one of her neighbor friends is a very opinionated nurse. You can do the math from there. :sad_smile:

Heck, even hubby doesn't know yet, and I just got my surgery date today! I was going to tell him about it last night, but we are still so jet lagged from a trip we got back from on Monday and he was so tired I said I'd tell him today. I wanted to be sure of what I was wanting and getting myself into before I involved anybody else.