Unsupportive Spouse

[Dragonflies74 0]

Hi There, I'm new to the site. I've been really thinking about having the LB surgery. It is quite costly, here in T.O. and because of this, my spouse is very unsupportive. I've got about 120 to 140 to lose and I just seem to keep gaining more and more. It's getting to the point where I am quickly becoming a gorophobic (did i spell that right). i hate leaving the house! How do I get him on board? Also, any advice would be great as I prepare for this journey. I met with a centre in April and I am going to reschedule another consultation. What specific questions should I ask?

Many thanks everyone. I appreciate the support.

[Mrs. Bubba 0]

I'm sorry your spouse doesn't see that your health is worth so much more than any surgery could cost.. Or maybe you need to remind him of that..... At any rate, I have some questions. Do you have insurance? If not, maybe getting it now, even with a waiting period would be cheaper than paying outright.... Do you have any health problems at this time? With 140 pounds to lose and comorbidities, you should qualify with insurance. My best advice to get him on board is to make him part of all the research and meetings... Let him know just how important this is to you and your health. He loves you.... he'll come around... Maybe he's just a bit scared and won't tell you that.... Good luck... Julie

[Jodi_620 37]

Also remind him of what an extra 120-140 pounds is going to do to your wallets when the health conditions start to come. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease can really put a dent in the wallet.

I am saving money since the surgery...stopped smoking, stopped eating out so much, food bill is less, and due to my weight loss, I am off one of the two prescriptions I was on. My husband has also become healthier due to my changes in shopping and cooking. He is not overweight but his cholesterol was high..it has been cut in half with no meds. I am more energetic, get tons done around the house and I am happier (which makes the hubby happier too). In less than five months I can honestly say it has been worth every penny.

[Jesangel76 0]

I think it would be an excellent idea to have your spouse join you in the consultation. He'll understand the magnitude of your condition if he hears it from a professional. And it's so true about how much you'd save on medication and food once you've lost all that weight. I don't know what comorbidites you may have, but WLS can put an end to all of it.

Yes, it's costly, but we're talking about your life. Money can be replaced, but you're life can't. Please try and explain this to your spouse and have him join you on any consultation and/or information sessions you attend. I think he'll be more receptive to the idea if you include him in your efforts.

Very Best of luck! :biggrin:

[gentylwind 1]

Yes, money can be replaced, but without knowing the details of your personal financial situation it is hard to know if he is being reasonable or not. These are hard economic times for many families. If you are already in debt with house and car payments, credit cards and no end in sight, living paycheck to paycheck, that is one thing (and in that situation he is not out of line to veto the surgery right now)....however, if you are doing well, have more than enough income to debt ratio to meet your needs and still be putting money into savings, then yeah, I think maybe he is being unreasonable. There is no denying that it is going to cost your family, one way or the other, either through something drastic like WLS or through the health problems it gives you down the line.

Just keep your financial situation in mind when y'all talk about this and present it to him in financial terms. Most men think that way to begin with. Also try to decide if money is his only objection. It may just be the easiest one to vocalize. If he is overweight or if he fears the surgery is dangerous, it may be easier to say that money is the issue than to admit he is afraid of losing you.

[Dragonflies74 0]

Thank you everyone for your responses! I don't have any health issues - yet. I'm generally pretty healthy, surprisingly! Financially, we are good. He's just very frugal, which is why I guess financially we are good! My husband is as slim as the day i met him and is very healthy. Personally, i think he's afraid. He was quite the jealous man before I started gaining weight. I think me being over weight does offer him some security, but it is hurting our relationship at the same time.

Also, here in Toronto, insurance companies do not cover the cost of the surgery nor does our provincial health plan. Here it costs approx. $16,000. I'm curious as to how much it costs in the U.S.

Thanks again everyone!

[gentylwind 1]

I am in the Dallas area and paying $9990, all inclusive for the surgery with the exception of the psyche eval and the pre-op Optifast. My price includes the first six fills over the first year as well.

[Goalwatcher 0]

If all of the incredibly sage advice above doesn't convince him, you could always tell him that one of the benefits of losing weight and feeling better about oneself is a possible increase in sexual activity. Would that get his attention? :biggrin:

[Dragonflies74 0]

Goalwatcher: That is too funny. I've already told him he won't be getting any! LOL. But, it didn't work.

[peaches9 3]

With over 100 lbs to lose you could qualify for OHIP paid for Gastric Bypass surg. (done laproscopically) OHIP will pay for you to travel to Michigan BARIX clinics they are a good clinic, I know from experience because I took my good friend there.

The wait time for a OHIP approved CDN Doc is years just to get the consult and then you wait another year or two for the surg. Get your family doctor on board, do you have any other co-morbidities? Diabetes, heart problems, High blood pressure, bad knees or back? These all count towards you getting easier approval.

Lapband is expensive $18k in Toronto, and you have to go back many, many times for adjustment fills.

JMHO

[Dragonflies74 0]

Gastric is so dangerous. A fella around the corner from me passed away on the table. The risks are so much higher. I haven't really done that much research into it. Any links or anything?

[Goalwatcher 0]

Goalwatcher: That is too funny. I've already told him he won't be getting any! LOL. But, it didn't work.

Yeah...I think they're catching on to us! :biggrin:

I finally talked to my husband about having surgery after contemplating it and hemming and hawing for two years. I told him how tired I was all the time, how much my back hurts from the weight of my front, how much my feet kill me and that $100 Dansko shoes are the only things I can wear now, etc. I think the last one was the clincher. :smile: But seriously, we're both on our second marriage so we have kept our finances separate from the beginning...and I pay for HIS insurance so he really doesn't have too much of a say in the matter. I think he knows that if I want something badly enough I'm going to get it with or without his blessing. I realize that may sound like I don't care about him. I really do. However, I think I realized that it's time I cared about myself just a little more.