Other people set goals. I set traps.

[Alexandra 55]

It's bizarre. All along I've had no particular goal for my banding journey, just wanted to be healthier and more mobile. I haven't even really set mini-goals, except one that I didn't articulate to anyone until after I'd met it.

Well, my two-year bandiversary is coming up and I've made an appointment for a checkup with my surgeon. I'm hoping that by the time it comes around on August 10, I will have lost a few more pounds and can tell him that reflux is totally gone and I'd like to get another fill in September. So I decided what the hell, I'll set myself a little challenge: 210 by August 10.

And what happens? I get hungry!! I've been munching almonds all morning, when usually my mind just doesn't go to snacking in the a.m. And now I have to run an errand and all I can think about is whether I can stop for frozen yogurt. :rolleyes

Honestly, I've never been able to challenge myself because as soon as I do the excuses start. How do I get around this? What's the inherent benefit to trying to change it? Talk me down off this ledge, people!

[vinesqueen 2]

Alex, you set goals for yourself every single day. You just don't recognize them as goals. Anytime you plan something, you are setting a goal, whether that goal is to go grocery shopping or to take over the world. *narf!*

have yourself a lovely bit of hard Protein, that should help with the craving, or snack on something healthy (yeah, I know, I know) How are your calories looking these days? Can your calorie budget cover the yogurt?

[La_madam 20]

Alex you are not alone in battling this demon.

I speak for myself when I say that if I start my day with any kind of carbs, all I do all day long is think of food usually carb/sugar loaded foods. Could it of been the almonds that set off this frenzy for you? Just a thought. I think it is great that you have set a mini goal for yourself to reach by August 10th. I know you can do it despite the excuses you think you are making for yourself You have done a fantastic job, even though you say you set no goals for yourself I think you have accomplished the major goal by being more healthy and happier. That is a victory. I did not come into this journey either to look like a supermopdel when I was finished, I just wanted to be healthier and feel better all around, the band has help me to accomplish it!

Enjoying food and still losing weight, how awesome is that? Be proud girlfriend even if you have a bad day

[the best me 6]

Okay, I get the ledge.

I replied to a post by Lins...leeme find it in a sec, that was about perfectionsism. Perhaps that is the culprit? You set a goal, you want to go about it well, even perfectly, and the mind game begins.

It's the food demons, it's the "set myself up for failure just to prove myself right" thinking (as if fat is better than wrong?!but at least right is good? better than nothing, and easier to prove).

Just some thoughts. I'd love to dig into this more with everyone. I'm right here with you.

Here's that thread...see if any of that rings bells for you?

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=7972

Another thought about excuses...speaking form personal experience, of course. I think in excuses. All day. I'm justifying. I'm managing, problem solving, making excuses for what isn't good enough...not enough time, other priorities, whatever for ANYTHING! Didn't sweep the kitchen floor, didn't take a shower until the last minute and now I'm late, didn't prepare the nice dinner I intended to and now it's chicken pot pies from the freezer for hubby and kids...you get the deal. All day excuses. So I munched the almonds, made me hungrier, worked the yogurt into my calorie budget, set myself up for failure by challenging myself.

I THINK what helps me is a good dose of putting myself in my place. Since when do I have to be perfect? Who requires all these excuses? ME? Hello, it's MY LIFE ANYWAY!!!!! So who the hell am I arguing with?! OMG!!!! And I find some peace and calm and a bit of self-love and sigh...breathe...let it go...slow...peace...it's okay. And maybe I'm not so hungry after all. I can decide to not eat for another hour and a half. I don't have to create stress to create an atmosphere of excuse-making in my life in order to justify my band rage.

Wow, that was good for ME! Thanks!

[donali 57]

It amazes me how quickly I fall back into the same trap of diet mentality, in spite of all my good intentions and "training" and practice...

Why do these traps continue to haunt us??? Because we are STILL thinking about our WEIGHT as the problem. When we focus on weight, there can be nothing but diet mentality response, because that is the only way we have been trained to deal with "weight" issues.

Alex, you have done exceedingly well in the REAL challenge - improving your health! I would humbly suggest that you revise your goal to have nothing to do with "weight" - challenge yourself to get in an extra 15 minutes of exercise a day, challenge yourself to add an extra helping of dark green veggies, challenge yourself to drink an extra quart of Water. Look at your HEALTH plan, and determine where (if) you want/need tweaking, and make THAT your goal. I'm willing to bet the hungries recede once again.

When we focus on our weight, we focus (naturally) on WHAT/WHEN/HOW MUCH/HOW OFTEN we will eat - so, basically we are focusing on food. Of COURSE we're going to feel hungry then!

Start up a new, all attention absorbing project - forget about your food demons, concentrate on your health, and you WILL reach your "true" goals... <3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

As you have, really, already...

You are MARVELOUS!!

<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

[FRECKLES3 1]

I Have Found That It Is Better To Allow Yourself A Bite Of That Yogurt Rather Than Fight With Your Inner "fat Demon" As I Call It And End Up Eating A Gallon Of Yogurt....the Key Is Portion Sizes...i Think If You Allow Yourself A Bite Of Yogurt You Will Find Out That It Wasnt As Great As You Thought It Was Gonna Be

[Iluvharleys 15]

And what happens? I get hungry!! I've been munching almonds all morning, when usually my mind just doesn't go to snacking in the a.m. And now I have to run an errand and all I can think about is whether I can stop for frozen yogurt. :rolleyes

Honestly, I've never been able to challenge myself because as soon as I do the excuses start. How do I get around this? What's the inherent benefit to trying to change it? Talk me down off this ledge, people!

I do the same thing, that's why I didn't take part in the last challenge on this board. It seems like as soon as I try something like that my brain tells me I can't eat what I want to anymore, and I start craving stuff. It's usually things I normally don't eat either, but all of a sudden, I have to have that frosty from Wendy's or something sweet! I actually do better if I just don't think about it, and eat normally.

[Alexandra 55]

Whew, that was close! What wonderful wisdom is oozing all over this thread. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

V, you've said something profound I am going to try to remember. I do set goals, all the time, and I meet them. It just seems like when they have something to do with ME they turn into traps.

Kathy and La_Madam, thank you--there's lots of good advice there. And Donali, my light in the wilderness, I'm sure you've hit it exactly on the head. It's the friggin' NUMBERS!! I hereby banish all thought of number-goals OUT of my head forever.

So: When I see my doctor on August 10, the goal I want to have reached is...no reflux for six weeks. I know how to make that happen, and if weight loss is a side effect? Good.

[Zoe 6]

I would humbly suggest that you revise your goal to have nothing to do with "weight" - challenge yourself to get in an extra 15 minutes of exercise a day, challenge yourself to add an extra helping of dark green veggies, challenge yourself to drink an extra quart of Water. ...

Brilliant suggestion! Count me among the number-obsessed, too. Sure, I can tell myself that the scale number or BMI doesn't matter, but that's not what I really feel.

Alex, if you're going to try to "banish all thought of number-goals OUT of my head forever," maybe some of the rest of us can join you. I love your goal of having no reflux for six weeks. I'm going to try to have no PBs this week, for a start. Anyone else? (Sorry for the mini-hijack.)

[vinesqueen 2]

I'm number obsessed too. I think part of it is that I'm just so darn impatient, and I want the weight gone NOW. Heck, it's been 3 and a half months since I was banded. Shouldn't I have lost 100 pounds by now? I mean Geez! Is that too much to ask?

(jumps deftly out of the way of Zoe's boot)

[donali 57]

I'm number obsessed too.

Most of us are. Or were.

The best you can do is honestly ask yourself:

"How is that working for me?" If you're feeling frustrated, depressed, let down, I'd have to hazard a guess that it's not really working all that well for you... lol I mean, how has being obsessed about the numbers helped any of us? Seriously?

What's that definition of insane? Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results?

[Alexandra 55]

No kidding, Donali. And I proved again this week to myself that being number-oriented SURE doesn't work for me. So out with the number-goals!! In with the health-goals!! Zoe, a week without PBing is a GREAT goal, since it will require you to really think about the behaviors that cause it. And THAT'S learning to be a better bandster.

I'll also set a goal of working out at the gym at least three times every week for the six weeks of my reflux-prevention regimen. Last fall my Y had a little challenge whereby everyone who worked out three times/week for 8 weeks got a t-shirt. Well, I got that t-shirt and it wasn't even hard. But since then it's been more like twice a week most weeks. So back on the program I go!!

[vinesqueen 2]

What's that definition of insane? Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results?

Oddly enough, that is also the definition of testing software...

[Guest Jodi]

I am new to this lap band procedure. I have my first consultation Aug. 2. I am 40 yrs. old and have a wonderful husband and four daughters. My life is GREAT! The problem is and always has been my weight. I weigh 224 lbs. My whole adult life I've been over 200. I am only 5'3". No one in my family has a problem with my weight except for ME. I just think if I could just lose 40lbs. I would feel better and look better. I try to lose weight all the time but I always gain it back. My question is, Knowing what you know now about this procedure, Would you do it again?

[Alexandra 55]

Jodi, you should start a new thread with your question so more people will see it. There have been several people asking just about this exact question from time to time, not surprisingly.

My answer is YES, I would do it again. Absolutely. No question about it.