The emotions of losing 100 pounds

[BethFromVA 5]

This thread is really hitting something within me. I am still pre-op, but I know the issues discussed here are a reality -- more for some, less for some. Years ago I used to have visions of returning to my pre-fat, 120 pound range. Not just the range, but the body as well. Then a few years ago I lost 70 pounds (which has re-found me, by the way... :grouphug:) and I noticed my big belly was turning into an apron. I remember back then thinking, WTF?? All this work and this is my reward??

So now I'm going into this procedure knowing those days of being a tight 120-pound raven-haired beauty are gone. After reading these replies, I now realize I may look older too (I am 42 and can pass for early 30's easy). I had said for years that I figured if I lost the weight, all the fat that was pushing out my wrinkles would be gone and then what?

Right now I say I would rather be healthy and not worry about the fact I will never be a hardbody. I say I would rather be able to tie my shoes without sounding like a bull in heat than worrying about extra wrinkles. I say I would rather be able to walk up my 14 stairs and not sound like an overheating VW Bug than regaining my apron. I say I would rather not risk the diabetes that is knocking at my door than potentially losing some hair. I tell myself now that the realism is my weight loss is needed -- desperately needed -- for my very life and, just as important, my quality of life.

I too was one who was blessed with having a nice body for some time. I don't know which is worse -- those who were always overweight who lose or those who remember when they looked fantastic and seem to have it in their minds that that is what they will regain with the lost weight.

The thought of Hair loss, wrinkles, and looking like a flying squirrel do not appeal to me in the least. However, being thisclose to 300 pounds is, for me, worse. Right now I say I will gladly choose the lesser of two evils. One hundred pounds from now I may also feel the bittersweet tang of what that loss means, but for now, I would take 100 pounds lost over anything else in this world. I hope that when I hit the century mark, I will look at the sagging skin and even my wrinkles as a testament to a job well done rather than a punishment. For me, the punishment is being the weight I am and the life I am losing as a result of it.

Edited October 22, 2008 by BethFromVA

[tapshoes 2]

When I look in the mirror, I see the pre-op me. When I look at pictures of myself, I can tell I've lost weight.

For me, whether it is in the mirror, or in pictures (of course pictures of me are only a recent phenomenon) I still only see a fat me. Everyone else sees a person who was MIF (missing in fat) for a long time, but not me. I still see fat.

My upper arms...egads, they are disgusting wingspans. I'm sure I could flap and fly! But there is nothing to be done (or will be done) about them. I consider them the constant reminder of why I need to stick with the bandster life.

Maybe this will change when I get closer to goal, but at 8 months post banding, these are my thoughts.

[OH Juli 15]

""Here I am, 100 lbs lighter, 100 lbs later. I am sitting here with all kinds of emotions and I am not even sure I understand them all. The obvious new thing in my life is people’s comments and reactions. I have never been a shy person. I am very social and out spoken. Drawing attention to myself had never been an issue, but I find the issue that is getting attention is uncomfortable.""

this is one of my biggest concerns, I have always been the class clown, the funny fat kid, "good friend" all of the familar support roles heavy people play but ( not yet banded, soon though ) from past attempts at weight loss, I know I will drop it fast, I ve always been told Im good looking for "my size" so that has always been a safe zone for me, keeping girls in high school and now women that I meet and work with at a distance, I am married and have a great marriage but my dad was always a looker and a cheater so this is a huge fear for me that I will freak out and follow in his footsteps if all of a sudden I start getting too much attention, I hope I am not coming off as a conceaded jerk, Im not, but I think this has always been my weight loss undoing but now I have diabetes and sleep apnea so I have to loose weight or risk my health or even die, soo I guess fear it or not Im heading down this road, has anyone else had to deal with this or am I just mental :grouphug:

thanks for the support...

SPEED

Speed,

I can tell you I've had the same thoughts about philandering. (Is that with a PH?) Anyway, I having always been the chubby girl, fat friend, etc., thought that if I were "hot" I'd be a hoochie. I'd sleep around, people couldn't resist me and I wouldn't resist the attention.

However, reality kicks in, and while it's nice to be told I'm looking good no one is really pushing up against me looking for action. And I'm in a happily committed relationship which is more meaningful than any kind of fling could be. The reality of our situations is that we might be cuter, but we are wiser. And screwing around seems like it would be huge work. Who has time for that?

[--SPEED-- 0]

yeah I dont have time that is for sure, lol, thanks for the encouragment, I guess I wont know till I get there, huh.... I will let you know how it goes !

Thanks !

[BethFromVA 5]

Speed,

I can tell you I've had the same thoughts about philandering. (Is that with a PH?) Anyway, I having always been the chubby girl, fat friend, etc., thought that if I were "hot" I'd be a hoochie. I'd sleep around, people couldn't resist me and I wouldn't resist the attention.

However, reality kicks in, and while it's nice to be told I'm looking good no one is really pushing up against me looking for action. And I'm in a happily committed relationship which is more meaningful than any kind of fling could be. The reality of our situations is that we might be cuter, but we are wiser. And screwing around seems like it would be huge work. Who has time for that?

I like that.

[BethFromVA 5]

Hey SPEED, it's sounding as if the extra skin thing will be enough of a deterrent for us to keep our clothes on with strangers, eh? :thumbup:

[--SPEED-- 0]

yeah... lol, but my skin retracts AAGGHHH what am I to do !! lol its not so much that I think I would cheat on my wife cause I have a great marriage, I just have a really screwed up childhood and clearly have issues that led to me being fat all my life, freaking out everytime I lost weight and not wanting attention, its one thing on-line, I can be more open, its reality where I freak out i.e. when I am face to face with someone, when I can see them looking at me... does any of this make any sence ? I just know this is the thing that always sabotages my weight loss...

frustrating...

[Lana24 10]

Wow, so much sadness tangled with joy.

[BethFromVA 5]

yeah... lol, but my skin retracts AAGGHHH what am I to do !! lol its not so much that I think I would cheat on my wife cause I have a great marriage, I just have a really screwed up childhood and clearly have issues that led to me being fat all my life, freaking out everytime I lost weight and not wanting attention, its one thing on-line, I can be more open, its reality where I freak out i.e. when I am face to face with someone, when I can see them looking at me... does any of this make any sence ? I just know this is the thing that always sabotages my weight loss...

frustrating...

You make total sense, really. I know that there was at least one time when, after losing 50 pounds and being about 180 a nice guy was paying attention to me. Not leering or nasty, just acting like I was somebody, you know?

Nothing happened other than we flirted a teeny bit, but I have a husband who has never been very sexual with me (I don't think it's about the weight, it's just him) and I found the attention flattering. Once I found myself making plans to lie to my husband just to go out and dance with this guy (hubby doesn't dance), I became scared. I didn't go dance, and I wasn't planning an affair, but just the fact that I was willing to lie to go out and have fun freaked me out.

Immediately thereafter I gained the weight back just from the stress. And I think I have mentally sabotaged myself when I've lost before too.

I realize that I will likely have to address these issues as I lose through therapy. I know a lot of the reasons I gained, so I don't need to research that; I will just need to work on me -- the new me -- as I become this different person on the outside. And hopefully during this process, I will become a different person on the inside too -- one that isn't so mean to myself and self-deprecating.

[BethFromVA 5]

Wow, so much sadness tangled with joy.

Yeah, ironic, isn't it?

I guess I look at it this way: We didn't gain weight because we were happy campers. Losing the weight won't make us happy campers either. We will still be the same people, just in different packaging. Whatever made us react by overeating will still be there. It's up to us to address both issues -- physical and mental.

[--SPEED-- 0]

yeah, Im glad in a way that I will finnaly have to face this but like I said its the monster in the dark from my childhood, like you said we didnt get fat because we were happy campers, it was my escape from my reality... yes it is ironic, I am so excited and happy about having the lapband done but at the same time keeping one eye on the monster in the closet....

[BlooEyez 13]

We didn't gain weight because we were happy campers. Losing the weight won't make us happy campers either. We will still be the same people, just in different packaging.

I've been struggling with these thoughts/feelings over the last few days and you have summed it up perfectly Beth. I guess going into this, I expected/anticipated everything to be different once I got to goal, or close to it. I guess I thought that losing weight was going to "fix" everything that I felt was wrong in my life, and that I would be happy. Don't get me wrong, I am "happier" than I was 125+ lbs ago and I am LOVING the new, smaller body (and clothes shopping has become fun again) but the fact of the matter is, I still feel alone. I didn't have many friends pre-band and the few that I had (who were overweight like myself) have stopped communicating with me ... My husband, who spent every waking hour while at home sitting on his ass playing Everquest online, still spends every waking hour while at home sitting on his ass playing Everquest online. I still have my down days, still deal with depression and I guess I need to do exactly what you said, address both the physical and the mental issues somehow ...

[--SPEED-- 0]

I know the feeling alone deal, I think its because when you are in the mode of being a fat person ( I still am ) you somehow develope a hollow space inside yourself that only you can get into or out of..? and losing weight is great obviously, but I think we have to learn how to live in the real world again, that includes being seen by others, Blue eyes- I can relate to your hubby about getting lost on the game, former play station2 junkie, my wife sold my PS@ one day while I was out of town lol... I was pretty pissed at the time but now I can see how rediculus it was and how much time I was robbing from her and the kids, I have another one now but hardly ever play it... just a thought.

makes you ask why is this so hard, but the fat comes on slow so I guess undoing the affect of being fat for so long cannot be expected to go away over night or in proportion to the weightloss even ?

[BethFromVA 5]

I've been struggling with these thoughts/feelings over the last few days and you have summed it up perfectly Beth. I guess going into this, I expected/anticipated everything to be different once I got to goal, or close to it. I guess I thought that losing weight was going to "fix" everything that I felt was wrong in my life, and that I would be happy. Don't get me wrong, I am "happier" than I was 125+ lbs ago and I am LOVING the new, smaller body (and clothes shopping has become fun again) but the fact of the matter is, I still feel alone. I didn't have many friends pre-band and the few that I had (who were overweight like myself) have stopped communicating with me ... My husband, who spent every waking hour while at home sitting on his ass playing Everquest online, still spends every waking hour while at home sitting on his ass playing Everquest online. I still have my down days, still deal with depression and I guess I need to do exactly what you said, address both the physical and the mental issues somehow ...

Reality sucks sometimes, doesn't it? :sad_smile:

The fact is, many people DO believe all their problems are due to their weight. It's a hard reality when we find out that the weight was just an additional problem to the ones we already had.

I know that adjusting to my new body (when it happens) will be exciting and scary at the same time. I know that I must address the issues that made me overeat. Many people replace overeating for overdoing something else: shopping, exercising, gambling, sex addictions... all sorts of things. Which creates all NEW problems.

My sister is like that. She was a bulimic. Now I believe she has that under control, but she is (I believe) an alcoholic. And when I saw her this past summer, she was WAY overdoing the exercise thing. It was absolutely manic.

So long as we know these things going into this journey, we won't be surprised or potentially even more depressed in our thinner selves. I think it's very important that we heal the mental self as much as we are working so hard to heal the physical self. No matter how great thin feels, there was still something within us that drove us to get fat. Heal that as best you can and you will succeed in the long run, in my humble opinion.

[--SPEED-- 0]

I agree with you Beth, as much as we invest in the lapband and changing our outward body and health, we need to work equally as hard on our mental health. Thanks for listening...