Breastfeeding in public:

[lellow 1,713]

As a function of being a mother to my son, one of the things I do is feed my baby. That is my right as well as my son's right - for me to feed him when he's hungry. That a man may sexualise my breasts while I'm using it for the pure function of feeding my child is honestly the problem of perception of the man, and nothing to do with my son or me. In my opinion, this 'man' needs to learn the difference between breasts for feeding and breasts for sex.

I equated it to ankles because it shows that with society can learn to accept that a display of a women's body shouldn't automatically mean it should be sexualised. And to say that you believe it's 'normalised' and yet in the same breath say you think that it should be doing under wraps shows that it is in no way normalised at all. 'Normalised' would be that it is considered ordinary, normal and an everyday occurence that no one, not even the poor, lustful male, would bat an eyelid over. That's 'normalised' and from your posts alone, you prove it's not.

I don't have a problem with breastfeeding in public. I don't feel that it is an issue of modesty. Neither, for that matter, does my husband. He feels no discomfort in women breastfeeding in front of him. Nor does he have any issue with me breastfeeding in public. I don't believe women breastfeeding are generally immodest about it at all either (which I expect is an assumption you made about me). In fact, and I would suggest that most women (including me) don't make a display of it. They just get on with the job at hand, they're not into flashing themselves to all and sundry, they just want to feed their baby quickly and without any fuss or disapproving eyes on them.

And you know what? You may think it's no skin off my nose to throw a wrap over my son, but IMO to say my son SHOULD be under a wrap to eat is insinuating that I have something to be ashamed of. And I'm not ashamed, so why on earth would I use a wrap? To make someone else 'comfortable' because they may view my breasts as something by which they might get turned on?

Maybe I should cover myself from head to toe then? Because apparently, if you're right, men have no control over their lust, and I wouldn't want someone with a foot fetish, or a hand fetish to get turned on, would I? Or perhaps I should just stay indoors all day?

You know what's funniest about this? Once your baby is 'latched on' you show almost the same amount of breast a someone in a bikini. In fact, in my case, I would suggest I showed far less of my breast than someone in a low-cut top. In fact, you could barely see any of my breast at all behind my son's head. So I suspect it's more about the ACT of breastfeeding in public that people find offensive than the possibility of a breast being on display.

So no, basically I don't feel responsible for people discomfort over my breastfeeding. I do what's right for my baby, and I will do it the best way I know how. I am not an exhibitionist, and I breastfeed my son in public only when he's hungry and needs a feed. I will not I put a blanket over his head as though I'm ashamed of what I'm doing, so that's he's sweaty and sticky from being under there, nor would I skulk away to feed him in some unsanitary toilet. I have my own very real motherly responsibilities without being lumbered with the responsibility of whether some pervert will stare at what little bit of my breasts are on display and get turned on.

Edited March 11, 2009 by lellow

[Jachut 487]

I said she sounded high and mighty because of her saying "you're the one who has a problem with it, so you go throw a blanket over your head."

Breast feeding is already 'normalized'. Everyone accepts it as a way to feed your baby. It's the 'revealing' of the breast, which is a sexual part of the womans body, that is not 'normal'. Why can't women be discreet about showing their boob while they breastfeed? Is that too much to ask?

In all honestly, yes I think it IS too much to ask. Throwing a blanket over your head is hot and stuffy for starters. I wouldnt want to eat with a blanket over my head.

But what about feeding a toddler rather than a baby? How do you keep a 2 year old under a blanket? How do you stop a 1 year old pulling and off as he's distracted? How do you avoid a flash boob he turns his head without letting go, stretching out your nipple to a foot long?

Really, if somone has a problem then the onus is on that someone to not look, not on the mother to suffocate her child under a blanket. And if someone cant differentiate between using breasts in a sexual way as opposed to a nurturing way, I'd say that someone has hangups and is somewhat of a prude. And I find it fascinating that its always other women that are the harshest - modern males dont seem to have a problem with it, its women.

Edited March 11, 2009 by Jachut

[pattygreen 5]

I don't think a 1 year old or older needs to be breast fed in public. By this age you can give him a cracker or babyfood to satisfy him till you get home. An infant, yes, because they are usually fed on demand, and need to be nurished asap. Don't exagerate. You're not 'suffocating' them by being discreet. I asked a few men how they feel about it, and they said they didn't care if women breastfed in public, but were more comfortable if they covered. Believe me when I say, It's not offensive at all to me. I wished I could have breast fed my 7, but I wasn't able. I know it is the natural way to feed your child. God provided the breasts for this reason. But the breasts are also a sexual body part, and because of this, I feel they need to be covered.

[lellow 1,713]

And you're entitled to your opinion, pattygreen. It seems to me that you generally view breasts as a sexual thing no matter the circumstance, and I don't share that view, especially when I'm breastfeeding, so obviously I would feel differently from you about it.

And as someone who breastfed my 3 of my 4 children well into their 2nd year of life, I can assure you that sometimes a biscuit or some other food does not suffice for a toddler, esp when breastfeeding is also about comfort as well as nourishment. Some children depend on a pacifier, I was my children's pacifier. And until the age of 12 months, breastmilk remains their main source of nutrition. It is recommended that until that age, breastmilk is offered before solids, and this is what I adhered to, whether I was in my own home, or out in public.

And with younger babies (esp newborn infants) learning to breastfeed is really hard on the new mother, and expecting someone to try to get the hang of it, and baby to get the hang of it, while trying to 'shield' your poor 'offending' breasts from prying eyes, is almost cruel and unusual punishment. No wonder so many mothers give up in despair.

And as for 'suffocating' them, I would say that in a country like Australia where 40 degree days are commonplace, 'suffocating' them under a blanket is in fact a real possibility. But even if it wasn't, I would never put someone potentially being uncomfortable at the sight of me breastfeeding ahead of my son's comfort, especially when I just don't feel like I have anything to be ashamed of in feeding my son in the way nature intended.

So I think this is where you and I will just have to agree to disagree. Breastfeeding is as natural as breathing for me. As it was for my son. I will never believe that it's something that should be hidden like some dirty secret.

[Jachut 487]

Hmmm, how would YOU like it if someone told you you were fat enough to last till you got home, that you didnt need to eat in public and offend everyone who doesnt like to see fat people stuffing their faces?

I think you just *might* be a bit offended. What you are saying is really the same thing.

Why should a one year old wait for their meal just so you are not offended?

[pattygreen 5]

Hmmm, how would YOU like it if someone told you you were fat enough to last till you got home, that you didnt need to eat in public and offend everyone who doesnt like to see fat people stuffing their faces?

I think you just *might* be a bit offended. What you are saying is really the same thing.

Why should a one year old wait for their meal just so you are not offended?

WOW!!! Unbelievable. Are you wound a little tight today? What's with the defense? We're only discussing breast feeding here, not politics or religion or anything.

Did I say that? The kid is fat and can wait for his food till he gets home? No. I said "at that age, a child can wait till he gets home to have breast milk and he can be given something else to satisfy him till then."

And as for offending the baby, Babies are not able to comprehend what's happening at their age. Get real.

BTW, Breast milk at 1 or 2 or 3 years old is not their meal.

[pattygreen 5]

lellow, I shall agree to disagree then, as you say.

ok bye.

[Jachut 487]

No, what you really said was "breasts offend me so your child should wait till he gets home so that I dont get offended".

My response is that I feel that is as inexcusably rude as me saying "you're fat and your eating Mcdonalds offends my sensibilities, so please do it behind closed doors". Its entirely politically incorrect, judgemental and offensive. And so is your belief that women should make their one year olds make do with something other than what they want so that you dont have to see a breast. Or so that all these men who dont have a problem with breastfeeding (except in YOUR mind) dont see a breast.

Its rubbish pattygreen, complete rubbish. I'm not wound tight, my breastfeeding years finished long ago and I have NEVER been made to feel I was doing anything inappropriate - and I might add, I would seek out a quite/private spot where possible because the lack of distractions made feeding quicker and easier - a food court was not my first choice. I dont really have a vested interest in this. But your attitude is offensive, REALLY offensive actually. Especially since most of the time you cant actually tell whether a woman is feeding her baby or holding him on her lap.

You say "is it too much to ask". Well, really, if its not your child, you dont have any rights in the matter so yes it IS too much for you to ask. You're not a relevant part of the equation.

And in Australia at any rate, at 1 year old breast milk IS the main part of their meal. And the benefits of continuing to feed your child on demand until 2 were convincing enough to me that I would have completely ignored some old biddy who told me to cover up. Well, I did, my mother thought it went on a bit long. I didnt listen to her either.

(.) (.)

Cheers!

Edited March 11, 2009 by Jachut

[gabbyami 0]

I think it should be discrete and respectful. There are many things we do as humans that are natural but not all of them are appropriate anytime, anywhere. I bf my children but I was also mindful of others. I don't know why anyone would want or seemingly delight in making others uncomfortable. Some of the attitudes, the "I don't care about anyone else but me," in some of the comments are an example of why our world today is such a mess. It's all about me, me, me without respect for others.

[pattygreen 5]

I think it should be discrete and respectful. There are many things we do as humans that are natural but not all of them are appropriate anytime, anywhere. I bf my children but I was also mindful of others. I don't know why anyone would want or seemingly delight in making others uncomfortable. Some of the attitudes, the "I don't care about anyone else but me," in some of the comments are an example of why our world today is such a mess. It's all about me, me, me without respect for others.

I like your approach of being mindful of others. I personally am not bothered by breast feeding, but I know some might be, so as not to embarass or make anyone uncomfortable, I would cover up. No one is harmed by it, so why not?

[pattygreen 5]

No, what you really said was "breasts offend me so your child should wait till he gets home so that I dont get offended".

No. What I really said was it might offend some, so be courteous.

My response is that I feel that is as inexcusably rude as me saying "you're fat and your eating Mcdonalds offends my sensibilities, so please do it behind closed doors".

I feel you are the one being rude here. Wow!

Its entirely politically incorrect, judgemental and offensive. And so is your belief that women should make their one year olds make do with something other than what they want so that you dont have to see a breast. Or so that all these men who dont have a problem with breastfeeding (except in YOUR mind) dont see a breast.

Its rubbish pattygreen, complete rubbish. I'm not wound tight, my breastfeeding years finished long ago and I have NEVER been made to feel I was doing anything inappropriate

Who said breast feeding was inappropriate? Not me. I said not being discreet for the sake of others around you while feeding your baby is inappropriate.

- and I might add, I would seek out a quite/private spot where possible because the lack of distractions made feeding quicker and easier - a food court was not my first choice.

wonderful.

I dont really have a vested interest in this. But your attitude is offensive, REALLY offensive actually. Especially since most of the time you cant actually tell whether a woman is feeding her baby or holding him on her lap.

Please. What's so offensive about asking breastfeeders to consider how others may feel uncomfortable around a naked breast, whether it's doing the job God gave it or not?

You say "is it too much to ask". Well, really, if its not your child, you dont have any rights in the matter so yes it IS too much for you to ask. You're not a relevant part of the equation.

Everyone around you and in every situation should be relevent. What's wrong with you? Don't you ever consider the feelings of others, or is it all about you and your desires? The rest of the world can bug off as far as you're concerned? How about this? You feed your baby anywhere, anyway, anyhow, covered or not, discreet or not and if it makes anyone uncomfortable, they can jump in a lake. You're swell. and you have a chip on your shoulder.

And in Australia at any rate, at 1 year old breast milk IS the main part of their meal. And the benefits of continuing to feed your child on demand until 2 were convincing enough to me that I would have completely ignored some old biddy who told me to cover up. Well, I did, my mother thought it went on a bit long. I didnt listen to her either.

(.) (.)

Cheers!

Well, I live in America. And even here you can breast feed as long as you desire. But regular food is usually introduced before the age of one. So are other fluids besides breast milk.

[lellow 1,713]

Actually breastmilk being the main source of nutrition until age one isn't an Australian idea, it's endorsed by the World Health Organisation.

I also don't believe that my attitude means it's all about me, and I don't believe I'm being selfish in wanting the freedom to feed my child when he's hungry, without covering him up in shame. It's not a shameful act, and that you think it is and should be hidden is your prerogative. Not everyone shares your view. And just because I don't share your view doesn't make me selfish, or self-centred.

In my opinion, intolerance of women doing what they have to do to feed their babies, and not giving them the freedom and support to do it without being demonised as breast-flashing hussies for doing something so natural and beneficial to their child, without having to be ashamed of it either, is the sort of attitude that makes this world the mess that it is.

It isn't the mothers who just want to feed their children that's the problem. IMO it's the ones who view this natural and essential part of mothering as sexual and offensive that promotes intolerance against something that should be accepted as normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I (and many other women, and yes, men as well) simply cannot accept that feeding a child is offensive and needs to be hidden.

Edited March 12, 2009 by lellow

[TQUAD64 9]

Hmmm, how would YOU like it if someone told you you were fat enough to last till you got home, that you didnt need to eat in public and offend everyone who doesnt like to see fat people stuffing their faces?

?

OMG....LOL:biggrin::thumbup::biggrin::crying:

[Jachut 487]

There will always be women who need to cut other women down.

They are the ones who call you a bad mother for having a caesarean, or for bottle feeding, or for breastfeeding or for having a home birth, for not disciplining their child the way another would - whatever choice you want to make, there's another woman who (probably through guilt and disappointment at her own perceived failings) will crucify you for it. Nothing is uglier than those types of women.

When it comes to the wonderful role of being a parent,there should be sisterhood, not judgement.

Edited March 12, 2009 by Jachut

[pattygreen 5]

There will always be women who need to cut other women down.

OMG! Are you kidding me???!!! I NEVER cut anyone down. You two are like , looking for a reason to jump on someone? Give me a break. We're not talking about an all that extreme topic here. It's breastfeeding for crying out loud. It's a discussion on how people feel about public bfing, right? How you put words in my mouth and insinuations that I never said.

They are the ones who call you a bad mother for having a caesarean, or for bottle feeding, or for breastfeeding or for having a home birth, for not disciplining their child the way another would - whatever choice you want to make, there's another woman who (probably through guilt and disappointment at her own perceived failings) will crucify you for it. Nothing is uglier than those types of women.

crucify you? WOW! All I said was there may be some people who may be uncomfortable around breastfeeding, so out of respect for them, you should be discreet about it, IMO. Now all of a sudden, I'm having guilt and disappointment at my own failings? Oh brother, I'm out of here. You are wack!

When it comes to the wonderful role of being a parent,there should be sisterhood, not judgement.

If you call my opinion judgement, you're sadly confused. Why would there even be a thread on public bfing if you don't really want to hear or know what others think about it? Go talk to your sisterhood then. BYE!