Supporting my old lady

[critter 0]

My old lady is getting the surgery soon. I am somewhat concerned because she has said she can't have any bread or carbonated anything.

We love to eat and I am worried this will ruin eating forever.

Also she said that she can only have like two bites of food at a time.

If the band is above the stomach and the stomach is the same size then won't she get really hungry because not enough food gets through?

[critter 0]

From reading a lot of the posts it sounds like people get really depressed from not being able to eat normal afterwards.

And there's a lot of pain. I am really worried about my GF.

This is pretty scary stuff.

[adamsmom 4]

OK, first of all, if your "old lady" is getting banded through insurance, she has probably had to jump through a lot of hoops to get to this point. She could have changed her mind several times along the way, but apparently she hasn't. If on the other hand she's a self-pay patient, this is a lot of money and she must really want to do this. You talk as if you are the one getting banded. Just because she can't eat the way she used to doesn't mean that you can't. And wouldn't you rather she ate little bits with you for many years to come rather than live a shortened life because of her weight--then you'll have no one to eat with. Have you considered what things you may be able to do together after she sheds those excess pounds? travel, dancing, outdoor sports, improved sex? She needs your support now more than ever, and it seems that you are concerned about how this surgery might negatively impact you, rather than how it will improve her quality of life. Sorry if I seem harsh, but if my "old man" said the things you're saying, I'd be very hurt. You should be happy for her that she wants to change her life and get healthy. Is there risk involved? Yes, but probably not as much risk as staying 100 pounds or more over weight. Will there be pain? Sure, but I live with knee and back pain every day of my life because of the weight, not to mention high blood pressure, asthma, and the hernia I had, as well as the emotional pain of feeling fat and unattractive. I am willing to take a little post-surgical pain for a new lease on life, and I bet your "beautiful, fabulous, brave lady" is too!

Just my 2 cents. Peace out!

[Carrie_C 9]

My husband was worried about a lot of the things you are. But it is not bad. She will have to eat slow, so you will probably finish eating at the same time. It is no big deal once you get used to it.

[HarleyGirl 1]

You're sweet to worry......some of us go through a bit of a depression right after the surgery. For me, it was that time period that I couldn't really eat, but hadn't seen results in weight loss.....

The pain....geez, I don't really remember! Seriously, it wasn't that bad....

Fast forward six months.....I'm down fifty pounds....several sizes...I have more energy and a better mental attitude than I have in years.

I still enjoy eating, I just don't eat as much.

We still go out to eat, I'm just selective about what I order.

Go in to it with a positive attitude and you will have a much more positive outcome.....

[RestlessMonkey 7]

If her surgeon has an informational seminar, you should attend one. That will give you some solid info. Many people CAN eat bread, many others can't. Carbonation can cause pain and stretch her new smaller stomach. No beer, no champagne, no sodas.

The band is not placed above the stomach. It is placed near the top of the stomach and, when tightened, forms a small pouch that holds only a little bit of food. The "hole" or "Stoma" between the upper little pouch and lower intact "rest" of her stomach slows the food down as it passes from the top on into the rest of the stomach to be digested. Apparently food at the top or upper neck of the stomach triggers hormones and other body signals telling the person "OK we're full you stop now". She should be able to eat more than 2 bites; more like 1/2 to 1 cup at a time. There may not be any foods, except carbonated beverages (and chewing gum...can block the stoma) that she can't eat. Everyone is different.

We have to chew well (everyone is supposed to; we have to) and eat carefully. But we can eat.

Now, using myself as an example, instead of a double meat double cheese hamburger, once I've lost I'll maybe eat the kiddie burger. I may pass on some of the bun. I'll have some fries instead of a super size. I'll be happy with less food.

While I'm losing I'll try to choose more healthy options to lose weight and stay in shape. But if I want a few bites of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, or a cookie at christmas, I can indulge.

She'll lose weight. She'll feel good. She may not let you get away with calling her "old lady" any more...the surgery will change her life. Better get ready!

[MacMadame 81]

Actually some banded people drink things with carbonation and some eat bread. But some can't. It depends on how tight they need to get the band to get proper restriction.

The eating a few bites at a time may be just immediately post-op when her tummy is swollen and irritated. Eventually she should be able to eat 1/2 - 1 cup of food at a time which is way more than a few bites.

Post-op it's all about QUALITY, not QUANTITY. You learn to savor your food and only put in good stuff since you can only have a small amount -- you want it to count. So she'll probably come to enjoy food (once the early days of recovery are over) again, just in a different way.

[critter 0]

Thanks everybody.

Old Lady isn't an insult in our social group, it's a compliment:)

In context: "Bro, don't take this as an insult, but your old lady is hot."

"All right, you're cut off now Bear."

Anyway.

I'm most worried about the depression. She's already pretty prone to depression anyway.

I am aware how weight loss can improve peoples lives. I am in a personal training class and will be assisting her with resistance training so she can maintain tone while losing the weight.

As for the travel response though, we already travel several times a year, and the food is a big part of that. Trying piroshkis at Pike Street in Seattle, the buffets and the Pepper Mill in Vegas. It is going to be quite a change for both of us. Much of our relationship has centered around food.

I am supporting her in this and it is her decision, I just worry also and want to understand as much as I can.

Edited October 10, 2008 by critter

[thesuse2000 698]

Everyone is different, but I can tell you that I'm somewhat prone to depression myself and actually weaned off an antidepressant I'd been taking for years just a few months before my surgery. My BF was worried about that issue too, but I've been just fine!

Sure I have some down or crabby days, but overall I'm feeling more confident and that makes me feel a bit better overall. Also I feel less out of control with my eating and that reduces my anxiety - which is closely related to depression.

I think it's really nice that you came on here to learn more and get answers to your concerns! Sounds like you love your "old lady" and want her to be happy. As far as eating and whatnot I find that my band doesn't impact my social life much at all - I can eat most things - I eat slower and less, so I generally eat at the same pace as others - it's really not an issue for me.

Good luck to you both!

Susan

[plain 12]

My old lady is getting the surgery soon. I am somewhat concerned because she has said she can't have any bread or carbonated anything.

We love to eat and I am worried this will ruin eating forever.

Also she said that she can only have like two bites of food at a time.

If the band is above the stomach and the stomach is the same size then won't she get really hungry because not enough food gets through?

It's not that bad, dude. Some people can't eat certain foods, like bread (I have some trouble with doughy foods), but some people can. Everybody's different. The band is around the upper part of the stomach. What it does is keep food in the upper part of the stomach for longer, making the person feel more full on less food.

[gingerbug 3]

It is the same thing with my husband and I. We travel and look for really good food. Sometimes I am jealous of what he can eat but I cannot but to be honest, my band has gotten me to try foods I might not ordinarily try and I have been thrilled with many of my choices. It does not change what we do, just my food choices when we get there. I also find that I can usually manage a taste of what I want but cannot eat a lot of. I still get the experience without it impacting my weight. Remember, sometimes change is good.

[kjhack 3]

My husband is strugglin with this too. He is worried, because we like to go out to eat. I've been trying to watch what I eat for the last few months, to show him somewhat how it will be. He is very supportive, which it seems like you are too. Best of luck to you and your honey. You guys will get through it.

[critter 0]

Thanks, this helps a lot. We've been talking about it more lately too.

Everyone is different, but I can tell you that I'm somewhat prone to depression myself and actually weaned off an antidepressant I'd been taking for years just a few months before my surgery. My BF was worried about that issue too, but I've been just fine!

Sure I have some down or crabby days, but overall I'm feeling more confident and that makes me feel a bit better overall. Also I feel less out of control with my eating and that reduces my anxiety - which is closely related to depression.

I think it's really nice that you came on here to learn more and get answers to your concerns! Sounds like you love your "old lady" and want her to be happy. As far as eating and whatnot I find that my band doesn't impact my social life much at all - I can eat most things - I eat slower and less, so I generally eat at the same pace as others - it's really not an issue for me.

Good luck to you both!

Susan