Should my spouse be my support partner

[najah27 1]

Today I had my psych consult. It went better then I thought. I was there over an hour and a half and learned alot about the process and the long term commitment. I am ready more now then ever. My issue is that my husband is scared for me to have the surgery and keeps getting the process confused with gastric, despite all the literature I printed out for him. Because of his fears, I was going to have my mom and sister come for the decision visit the end of this month. When I told him the pysch doctor suggested he go to put his fears at rest, he responded as if he was on board with the surgery again. I am determined to lose this weight for a better health, with or without him on board. Now I am worried he will come to the decision visit and ruin my chances of surgery. I know he wants me to live healthier but his own insecurity is making him irrational. Should I bring him or not. I don't want any negativity around my weightloss journey

[maguirre67 0]

whats a decision visit ive had the band but i never heard of that

[najah27 1]

It is the visit you go to after you have all the pre op work up done, where you and the doctor decide which surgery you will have. Then he send the information to the insurance company for approval.

[MacMadame 81]

I think it works better to bring the spouse to a support group or intro seminar. They can ask any question they want and they can hear what other people's concerns are.

[molinomama 0]

I think it is very important you have your spouse on board, as they are usually your ultimate support person. But for this initial journey into weightloss surgery, having a fellow bander to partner with makes life easier. I know my husband wants me to be the healthiest me I can be, but as a thin guy all his life, he just cannot truly understand what I am doing and why. Maybe you can find another husband who has been through it with their wife to talk to. Good luck!

[najah27 1]

I have a few weeks to really feel him out. I know he is scared and concerned, but his wishy washyness makes me not want him too involved. I can picture me having a hard time recovering and he throwing in my face how he was right. You know how men can be.

[Sunwyse 1]

Just for this one, I'd leave him at home. No matter how much he says he's all for it and with you, there could still be insecurities going on in his subconscious that he's not aware of.

What is his fear? Is it losing you? He might be saying that he's concerned about the health risks, but underneath he may be concerned that you will be successful and then leave him and he'll 'lose you' that way.

I totally agree he should join a support group, or take him to one of the into nights where they talk about the lap band and whats involved. Just don't take him to this visit. Go alone, you don't need him. After all you've made your decision and its between you and your doctor.

My partner was dead against this to begin with. He kept finding all these statistics about failure rates and deaths on the internet. I did my research and showed him that was all really old stuff. That today, the procedure has been perfected and now its less than 1% chance of anything going wrong. As for death, no-one has died in Australia from this procedure in over 7 years as far as I can tell.

It was through my own reseach and my determination that I was going ahead with or without him onboard that made him decide to support me. I never forced the issue, I simply made my decision and left him to come to terms with it. I made it very clear from the start that this was about me and my health and I would not be leaving him once I had lost all the weight. I made sure to discuss any of his concerns, but made it clear I was going ahead anyway. He is now fully supportive of me. He will be paying the gap and I will be paying him back later on. We are both confident that this will be successful and change both out lives for the better.

[najah27 1]

In 2004 he came with me to the doctor and we were discussing my gall bladder issues. I was pushing to have it removed because of all the pain and he was against it because he just lost a close family member to a surgery gone bad. Before I left the doctor's office, the DOCTOR and HIM decided I can live with the gall bladder through proper diet.

3 years later I had a stone obstructing my common bile duct and had to have "laproscopic" surgery to remove the gall bladder. He was so scared, a friend of mines drove to NC from NJ to be there to comfort us b/c he was so scared of me dying. Needless to say, the surgery went well, except the doctor had to cut me open and I had to stay in the hospital 3 days. My husband stayed with me, but you can tell he was uncomfortable. He could not handle seeing me in pain. Earlier this year, we had to decide if we were going to have my youngest child natural or with a c section. Again, in the office he is protesting the surgery. I told him to shut up, until he gives birth to a baby, the decision was all mines. I had a c section and that surgery went well but left me with a severe spinal headache. Eventhough I recovered quickly from both, based on our past 2 surgeries, I understand his initial fears. Not to mention when he met me I was only 20-30 lbs lighter so he liked what he saw. He has an issue too about me losing too much weight, but he agrees for health it's the best thing to do. My husband is supportive in the fact that he will go exercise with me, handle the kids and the house so I can go to the gym, and discourage me from eating poorly. However, the idea of weightloss surgery has not settled well with him yet. More then likely, I will take my sister on the decision visit and let him come with me before the operation. This way my doctors can know that I do have support available to me.