Need Advice, Please help

[SalOdyssey 441]

I needed a place to ask for advice, and this is the first place I thought of. It may be long so bare with me.

I currently live with my mother, fiance', younger brother and sister. My bro and sis are not involved directly so to speak. My dad passed 10 years ago this December.

Here is the dilemma, Timing. My DR. switched hospitals sometime after I started seeing him. I am a medicare patient. He was certified as a Center of Excellence but because he switched hospital his certification was put on hold till the new hospital could be visited. The visit took place but as with anything to do with the government they are taking forever getting the doctor his certificate so he can resume surgery for medicare patients.

I called his office the beginning of September and was told there certificate is on the way should be here by months end. I said Ok and will call back then. I called last week and still no certificate. I spoke to the office manager who said medicare will notify them within 90 days. The medicare rep said probably more like 60 days.

The office manager said they have set aside 2 days for his loyal patients who have waited for medicare to move there a@@es. ONe day is right before Thanksgiving the other is a week after. This is all pending if they receive their certificate in time.

Here's the problem.

Mom and fiance both work for a school district that frowns upon taking time off. Surgery time for me is 3 weeks out of state. 7-10 prior for pre-op and final meeting with doctor. Then surgery day, and then 2 weeks stay after surgery to make sure all is ok and then a visit to the doctor one final time before I come home.

I want this so bad and I would like my mom and finace' to be there when I have surgery at the very least. I know they can not take the 3 weeks off. The problem is god forbid anything should happen to me on the table, I do not think my mom would ever be able to live with herself knowing I was there getting cut open and she was home. I think that would send her into a tailspin especially that my father has passed.

My options for surgery are these:

1. do it on the 2 days the doctor set aside. Because of the holidays i will get killed on airline tickets. Also the added expense of getting around, to appointments

2. doing it after the new year and save some money flying. Also the added expense of getting around to appointments.

3. wait till June when I am do to go to NY anyway. Fiance' and I spend 1 month there visiting her parents since she is done with school. Doing it in June would eliminate flying. Also this save me additional monies because I already have my car there. Also mom would be off from work as well and could be there.

So many decision. I am torn as to what to do. I have wanted this surgery like it was yesterday, but I am also trying to think of everyone else. I don't think that if I were to god forbid die that I could live with myself knowing I left my mother behind and she wasn't there with me.

I haven't been able to sleep because of this,my mind is working overtime.

Can anyone help, Please?

Sal :tt1::confused:

[♥Amy♥ 5]

Hey Sal!

That sounds like a tough one.

I guess you need to decide what is more important. You having the surgery asap and not having your mom or fiancee there or waiting till the summer and being able to have someone with you.

Would it be possible for your mom and fiancee to maybe take less time off? If you have the surgery in Nov can one of them spend a week or week and a half with you and then go home and the other one comes in their place?

I dunno. How close are you with your fiancee's family? Close enough that maybe they can spend some time helping you out so your mom and fiancee can take even less time off of work?

Where in NY are you having surgery and who is your surgeon, BTW? I'm in NY too. Long Island.

[jmegirl 2]

Based on what information you've given us, I say wait until June when you can have your mom go with you and when you can also save money on flights.

However, I don't understand why you need to spend so much time out-of-state? I am having surgery in CO (and I live in NC). I have done all my pre-op things over the phone. I will fly to CO on a Tuesday, get the band on Wednesday, and fly home on Friday. That's it. Getting the band is a very minimally invasive surgery and should not require you to stay in town for 2 weeks for observation. I won't even see my doctor the day after my surgery - just a phone call to make sure I'm feeling OK.

You also suggest you are being "cut open" and you don't want to die on the table and leave your mom feeling bad that she wasn't there. Sounds to me like you're referring to a gastric bypass procedure, and not a gastric banding procedure. The gastric bypass probably requires a much longer recovery than the band does, but I don't know how long.

[Kalipso2 25]

3 weeks seems like a lot of time. why do you need to be there for 7-10 days pre-op and why do you need to stay 2 weeks after? are you going to Mexico? even then, i never heard of anyone needing to be away for that long.

my surgeon is 4 hours away and i was able to get my pre-op stuff done in 1 appointment and i spent one night in the hospital before my parents drove me the 4 hours home.

i didn't even need to go in for my 1 week post-op visit. my surgeon just asked that i take digital pictures of my incisions and email them to him to look at.

maybe see if that is an option so that you don't need to stay 2 weeks after?

[SalOdyssey 441]

Well. Like I said the doctor wants to see me 1 week before surgery to I guess go over everything. Then after I see him I have to go to the hospital for pre-op blood work and stuff and I am sure a ton of paperwork.

My finace' and mom are going to try to come for 3-4 days to be with me after surgery. The rest of the time I would be on my own. I would be staying with my aunt ( moms sister) before and after surgery.

Fiance' family doesn't have a spare bedroom and when I stay in the summer I sleep sitting up on a love seat.

I am getting the band. They still have to make 5 slices in me to access the area. Thats what I meant by cut open.

I do not mind the 3 weeks at all.

I am going to Long Island to get the surgery. The doctor is Dr. Collin Brathwaite. I hope I spelled that right.

Sal

PS: thanks for the responses.

[erikadawn 0]

It is comforting to have someone with you when you wake up. But I wanted my lapband so bad that I wasn't worried about who was there. The anesthesia makes you really groggy after surgery, so that you are sleeping. You will probaly need for someone to pick you up though. Waiting to june is so long away, you could lose like 70 pounds by then. If it was me I would just go.

[jmegirl 2]

OK, the pre-op appointments make sense. The reason I just had a phone consult with my doctor is because I am a self-pay (not using insurance) so there really is no bloodwork or psych/nutritionist consults required. The phone consult with the doctor was simply to describe the process and give me a few pointers for before/after surgery. But, I definitely don't think you need 2 weeks to recuperate after surgery. As I said before, I'm flying home literally 48hrs after my surgery. I've got First Class seats, but that's it. Everything I've read says you will be up and walking around just a few hours after surgery, so personally I don't think you should stay in Long Island that long once you've got the band. Head on home and see your fiance and your mama! :tt1:

[SuzanneG 1]

Based on what you are saying here, I think I would wait until June when you can have your family there. If you are already planning a trip there, it makes perfect sense to do it then.

Why can't you have it done closer to home? Isn't there a doctor/hospital near you that takes medicare?

[SalOdyssey 441]

Based on what you are saying here, I think I would wait until June when you can have your family there. If you are already planning a trip there, it makes perfect sense to do it then.

Why can't you have it done closer to home? Isn't there a doctor/hospital near you that takes medicare?

The medicare requirements here in FL are ridiculous! They make you jump through hoops. In NY there is little or no restriction. So my decision was easy so to speak. The surgeons here in Fl will not even see you until you have completed month 16 or the 18 month diet requirement, among other things.

Thanks everyone! The family and I are going to sit down this weekend and hopefully Iron this out.

Sal

[jjsmiles 3]

OK this is going to sound incredibly unsympathetic, but for some reason I can't help myself today.

It sounds like you have a pretty good setup that you can stay with relatives during your 3 week stay. Other than the first 24 hours (as you clear the anaesthetic out of your system) or so, you don't need to have anyone taking care of you. You will be able to do everything for yourself (how hard is it to make broth or a clear liquid diet anyways). In fact you will probably prefer being able to rest on your own rather than trying to entertain your relatives.

Many people plan on going back to work within a few days of the surgery, so you REALLY don't need to have two people looking after you, honestly.

Having BOTH your mom and fiance stay with you and stare at the walls for days after surgery seems like way over kill to me, especially while in someone else's home, out of state. I know they love you, but I think there are other ways that are more convenient and less expensive to show that caring.

I know that this surgery is the biggest deal ever for you and your family, but it is really minimally invasive and other than getting over the anaesthesia and the first few days of discomfort, it is not that big of a deal (I had way worse pain and discomfort getting over wisdom teeth removal in a dentist's office six months after lap band surgery).

The chances of anything bad happening during the surgery are very slim and you certainly want to make contingency plans, but it sounds like you are making a huge issue that is causing great stress, expense and inconvience for people that just doesn't need to happen.

Good Luck with your decision.

[jmegirl 2]

^i agree with her :eek:

well said!

[flowers 0]

The tests should not take that long. It sounds like you just are not wanting to travel back and forth from testing and surgery and stuff? I dont know of anyone who spent 3 weeks with their doctor. Maybe you have a lot of health issues Im not aware of.

I went by myself to Mexico. I admit I decided to come home a day early, wasnt much fun by myself when hardly anyone spoke English. Wished by the time I got home I had spent the one extra night. Iv never heard of spending 3 weeks though. At most 2 extra nights to indulge ourselves with some Mexican doctors.

[SalOdyssey 441]

Thanks for the advice all. My family and I are discussing the options. I am leaning towards doing it at Thanksgiving.

Sal