anyone's husband gain what you lost?

aubrie · October 6, 2008

I'm at wits end..... My husband has since high school been very thin. Almost skinny. He put on weight as he aged, but it was healthy weight and he looked GOOD. I on the other hand went out of control. Now that I'm losing, HE is the one who is out of control and he's gaining dangerously fast. Why would this be happening now? I'm finally of the weight where I can dance again, get in and out of a kayak with him, hike in the woods while on vacation, enjoy pretzel shapes during lovemaking..... and now he gains the weight and is having trouble doing things. His back is always out, he snores horribly, and he doesn't want to do anything. It's like we traded places. Why NOW???? I'm so discouraged and disgusted. He's so heavy I even have trouble bearing his weight in a missionary position. He won't listen to my gentle urgings. Why is he doing this???? I can finally enjoy life WITH him and he's turning in the other direction. Coincidence or is there an underlying reason?

HeatherO · October 6, 2008

Perhaps he is eating the portions you are not, lol.

Seriously, just talk to him and let him know your concerns. Are you the primary cook in the home or do you have a big influence on meal choices? If so, focus on healthy cooking and smaller portions of those items that could be higher in calories.

She Smiles · October 6, 2008

My husband has easily put on 60-70 pounds in the last year or so. It bothers him a lot and we know that there are a few contributing factors -

1. he eats my leftovers most of the time (or goes back fro seconds if there is any)

2. He eats large meals (larger than before I was pre band)

3. He works a job that he can't take lunch from home to and eats a bought lunch every day (he eats a lot of fried chicken a fries).

4. His work is stressful and he works shift work.

We're working on trying to find him a new job so he's not so tired all the time, has energy to exercise and can start eating better.

I think you need to talk to him about your concerns and help him realise that you wanted for both of you to be healthy. Maybe there are underlying issues that he's not really thought about or not aware of. I think with this one, communication and support are the key, just keep it loving and choose your words carefully. Good luck!

BethFromVA · October 7, 2008

Aubrie: Wow, that is interesting! Sad, but interesting. Could it be that he is threatened by your weight loss and trying to adjust to you being a different person?

She: Just curious... why can your husband not take brought lunches to work? If it's the lack of a fridge, he could take a cooler. It would be way better for him than fried chicken! :crying:

aubrie · October 7, 2008

Heather. Yes, I am the primary cook. I have always cooked healthy, just ate way to much of it. I cut back on my portions, and I guess maybe he is eating the portions that are left over. I've cut back on certain things, and he just runs over to Burger King or Sonic if he's still hungry. So he circumvents my efforts to control his caloric intake. He has even started offering me fries and ice cream!!!! He is definately stressed at his job, and I've noticed that rather than having a cocktail on Friday evenings at the end of a stressful week, or just on weekends, he's having a cocktail nightly before dinner. I know that adds up. He's not exercising at all. He used to walk the track at the gym. Now, nothing. I truly thought that my efforts would inspire him to exercise and maybe lose a few pounds. It boggles my mind that he's gained so much. He's gone from a 36 to a 40-42 inch waist in one year. I'm concerned for his health. Heart disease runs in his family. That doesn't seem to faze him.

skinipete · October 9, 2008

Sounds a bit passive/aggressive to me. Sorry. You should talk to him about it & if he won't examine his motives, see a professional about it before it goes to far.

She Smiles · October 9, 2008

Aubrie: Wow, that is interesting! Sad, but interesting. Could it be that he is threatened by your weight loss and trying to adjust to you being a different person?
She: Just curious... why can your husband not take brought lunches to work? If it's the lack of a fridge, he could take a cooler. It would be way better for him than fried chicken! :eek:

He works in a Supermarket and they aren't allowed to take their own food into the store (or into the locker room where they leave their bags when they are working) because they had too many instances of staff stealing while working and eating it during their breaks. They often do random bag and locker checks. Its completely ridiculous, but if he did take food and they accused him of stealing it, its a fireable offence.

BethFromVA · October 9, 2008

He works in a Supermarket and they aren't allowed to take their own food into the store (or into the locker room where they leave their bags when they are working) because they had too many instances of staff stealing while working and eating it during their breaks. They often do random bag and locker checks. Its completely ridiculous, but if he did take food and they accused him of stealing it, its a fireable offence.

Wow, that totally sucks. I guess it makes sense, but still... wow.

What about a cooler left in the car with his lunch? I know, I'm grasping here. :eek:

aubrie · October 10, 2008

Actually, forbidding him from bringing his lunch from home sounds illegal. they can't dictate what you eat. MANY people have dietary restrictions not only for health but for religious reasons. They're breaking all kinds of rules. Sounds like a call to the Employment commission is in order.