Confessions of a Sugar Addict

[DesertRose 0]

Since being banded and diagnosed as Metabolically (Insulin) Resistant, I've come to learn a great deal about myself and my relationship with food. The band has been a wonderful tool in assisting me with recognizing my problem areas.

I have done some REAL listening to my body lately and that has opened up doors I've kept locked up for so long, I've forgotten they existed. This, along with journaling, has helped me to unlock these doors and discover these hidden rooms inside myself.

Today, I have decided to air out these rooms, by confessing. I've never been addicted to drugs or alcohol, nor have I ever been through a 12 step program. I neither claim to know anything about psychology, nor do I claim to be an expert in health and nutrition. However, I have learned for myself, that in order to begin a healing process, we must first recognize there is a problem, confess it and move on.

This is why I am starting this thread. After some negative reactions from some of the posters on this forum, I am a little nervous about this, but this is something I MUST do for myself. Confession, after all, is good for the soul.

Here goes:

1. I am a sugar addict. My body constantly cries out for sweets and no matter how many times I try to give up sugar for good, I always go right back to it.

2. I've kept this secret hidden from my husband, my family and my friends. People have made remarks that I eat like a bird. They don't know about the chocolate hidden in my closet. The secret trips to the snack machine at work. How I make "cover up" noises to keep them from hearing the noises of the wrapper as I open my 3rd Snickers bar for the day.

3. I don't like cake but I love frosting. I can't tell you how many times I've eaten a whole bowl of frosting or eaten all the frosting off the cake, then pretended to drop the cake in the floor to cover up my secret.

4. Sometimes, when I buy groceries, I buy a jar of Smuckers hot fudge and eat the whole thing on my way home. I drive by a dumpster before I get home so I can toss the empty container. I would be mortified if anyone knew this. But now YOU know.

The Addiction Resource Guide difines addiction like this:

The physical and psychological craving for a substance that develops into a dependency and continues even though it is causing the addicted person physical, psychological and social harm. The disease of addiction is chronic and progressive, and the craving may apply to behaviors as well as substances.

Yes, my friends, I am a sugar addict. I thank God every day for making it possible for me to have the lap band, because now I know, there is hope and with the help of my band, I can start moving in the right direction. With the band I can feel full and satisfied longer, which will help to keep my blood sugar regulated and reduce the cravings. With the help of my band, and reading this forum, I'm finding the strength to say no and make it through another day.

[HeatherO 7]

That is indeed quite a confession. However, I would be amazed if less than 50% of us bandsters do not have a few food addiction skeletons in our closets as well. A healthy relationship with food does not lead us to seeking surgery (unless of course there are other causes such as thyroid, medications, etc.).

I am a carbohydrate addict . . . which includes sugars, chips, potatoes, Pasta, Cereal, etc. It can be highly sweet or salty and fatty . . . I crave them both. The band has helped me to recognize this, admit it to myself and move on with life.

Congratulations for putting it out there so boldly . . . now it is time to kick the healing and recovery into high gear :0).

Thank goodness for our bands . . . I know I never could have gone this alone.

[HeatherO 7]

I actually have one more comment. I was also "in the closet." Only my child really had a clue that I was a hidden junk food eater. Children notice too much to not "get it," or at least mine does. It was part of the obsession. Also, I can't tell you how many "car" pig outs I had. I don't know what it was, but being alone in the car while driving is an excellent opportunity to stuff yourself without anybody being the wiser.

I also would go to friends houses for dinner, eat reasonable quantities . . . but you can rest well-assured that unless my husband was with me I was stopping at a gas station or fast food joint before I got home . . . then would stop one last time at a gas station to get rid of the evidence.

These behaviors would have me in their clutches from a couple of times a month to weekly during the worse stages. I have never previously admitted it to another soul because it causes considerable shame for me.

Many people have told me I eat like a bird and they don't know how I can be overweight . . . but I know the truth. However my husband eats with gusto and big quantities as well, never hides it and he is athletic and trim . . . go figure???

My food obsession did not start until after I had a child and put on a little too much weight . . . it then started yo yo dieting and food obsessions began as well and over the years increased in proportion to my weight (what a surpise that is, lol). I always felt I had to be in starvation diet mode or eat everything in site mode. I didn't know how to stay "normal."

Recovery for me involved making changes about my "hidden" eating. I only eat with family, friends or coworkers near . . . my car is offlimits. This has made a huge difference . . . because it involves self-honesty and personal responsibility for my decisions.

Another big part of recovery for me is eating a relatively low-carb diet. I stay away from trigger foods, because I know cravings will return and make me want to overindulge. I am not saying low-carb is best, it just is for me for now. I do eat carbs but only in whole fruits, vegetables and the occasional whole-grain cracker or tortilla shell.

Edited October 4, 2008 by HeatherO

[simone 0]

I would be very surprised if many of the people on this site aren't addicts. I know I am. I've done everyone of those things that you talk about. I'm a closet eater, a sugar addict, love breads, pastas, pancakes, anything sweet. I've always been willing to be the person who cleans up after a meal, just to sneak in a few last bites of something I felt I wanted so bad, hoping no one else would get it first! I'm hoping this band will help me rein it in (banded less than a week). It was all I could do to not stop for a LAST XL ice cream cone the day before my surgery when I was alone in my car running last minute errands. Thank goodness I didn't! I know I'm going to run into some issues I have to deal with. I have no idea where my addictions came from, I had a great childhood with plenty to eat. Was always overweight though. I'm determined to make this band work! Good luck. Simon

[speck 1]

Wow, I was completely shocked by your past eating habits. NOT!!!!

Guess what? That was yesterday. This is today. And quess what else? You have a new life now. Leave the old behind.

Hugs!

[DesertRose 0]

Heather: I completely concur. Part of my healing process is being able to admit to myself and to others, albeit anonymously, that I was such a closet sugar addict. Confessing that I ate sugar in such large quantities is a huge step. From here on out, I am a RECOVERING sugar addict. Your advice is great. I will make sure I am only eating in the presence of other people. Thank you.

[DesertRose 0]

Wow, I was completely shocked by your past eating habits. NOT!!!!

Guess what? That was yesterday. This is today. And quess what else? You have a new life now. Leave the old behind.

Hugs!

Thank you for your well intended advice. Actually, this is a daily struggle for me, even TODAY with the lap band. But, thankfully, with the help of the lap band, and getting this out in the open, for my own sake, not yours, the road to recovery is well within view. Hugs back at ya.

[DesertRose 0]

I would be very surprised if many of the people on this site aren't addicts. I know I am. I've done everyone of those things that you talk about. I'm a closet eater, a sugar addict, love breads, pastas, pancakes, anything sweet. I've always been willing to be the person who cleans up after a meal, just to sneak in a few last bites of something I felt I wanted so bad, hoping no one else would get it first! I'm hoping this band will help me rein it in (banded less than a week). It was all I could do to not stop for a LAST XL ice cream cone the day before my surgery when I was alone in my car running last minute errands. Thank goodness I didn't! I know I'm going to run into some issues I have to deal with. I have no idea where my addictions came from, I had a great childhood with plenty to eat. Was always overweight though. I'm determined to make this band work! Good luck. Simon

Thank you, Simon. Your determination will help make the band work. It has made a tremendous difference in so many people's lives. Just take a look at people on here who have already lost 100 lbs....some even more...they will provide you with a lot of inspiration. Don't let any negativity you might encounter get you down. Good luck in your journey. We DID THE RIGHT THING. :crying:

[Shamrockgirl60 1]

Gee I also am a sugar junkie and Type II diabetic to boot. I used to hide my stash of Reeses Peanut Butter cups and Milky Ways and Snickers in my underwear drawer. How awful is that. Been 4 months since I had a candy bar. Halloween will be hard, I won't buy candy till that day, and then half as much as normal, when it runs out it runs out. And I will buy candy I don't particularly like also so I won't be tempted.

I also had a thing for Hot fudge sauce. Hey smuckers has a sugar free kind now that ins't bad. I put it in my Protein shakes. I still have one a day for Breakfast. I hate to eat early in the morning still.

[Nena 0]

I have always struggled with sweets my entire life. An overweight child, thin teenager, then overweight again after my child, then I joined overeaters anonymous. I lost over 100 lbs by the grace of God. I maintained it for 3 years then I got away from 12 step and gained every single pound back. Now with the band, it's still an every day struggle but it's not as hard.

I know most of us are sugar addicts because when my doctor told me about my pre-op and post op liquid diet- he made sure to say to me as he does all his patients, "This does not include any type of ice cream!" I thought that was funny because that's exactly where my mind went. The previous comment about the sugar free hot fudge...for me, it doesn't matter if it's sugar free, fat free or regular, I will overeat until sick.

my father was diabetic but I am not. Not sure how that's possible with my terrible eating habits but with this band, I hope to improve my eating habits to become healthy and not just thinner.

Thanks for the confession, I think we all need to purge our demons so we can leave them behind.

[Gracey 7]

I too am a sugar addict. I don't do the binging in one setting but I can graze all day. Unfortunately I have been addicted to ice cream over a year. My plan, once I am banded, is to pretend that ice cream makes me sick like it does those with RNY so that I can hopefully break the addiction. I'd done it once while on Jenny Craig but of course, re-addicted myself.

Be strong everyone!

[simone 0]

ShamrockGirl60 and all of us other sugar addicts. The thing I've done for years for Halloween treats is to NOT buy candy but to give out nickels and dimes to the trick or treaters. They love it and I can't eat the left overs, plus it almost is less expensive. Simon

[cobrien78 0]

I am a carbaholic! I don't care too much for candy but I love ice cream, pudding, cake, pie, bread, potatoes, gravy, etc. If noone is around I can finish a whole pie by myself! And I am insulin resistant. I'm praying and ready to change bad habits and can't wait to get banded for help to NOT overeat on these sorts of items. I'm hoping my new eating habits will help curb the cravings.

[kirafiki 0]

I used to hide cake mix in my room and eat it dry. I don't like cake as cake, but could polish off an entire bowl/jar of frosting. I still find myself at the pantry at least 20 times a day looking for something, even though I know there is nothing there for me. I am trying to recognize it when it happens, the next step is trying to figure out why I am doing it at all. I hoped that getting the band would take away the hunger and preoccupation with food so I could deal with the psychological stuff I have about food, and it is slowly working. Thank you brave soul for putting yourself out here like this.