Confessing, Moving Forward

[kimmyv 0]

Hey everyone...I have been lurking here since right before my surgery on 9/15 and I have to say that you all are all inspirations and support in many different ways. I now am joining the ranks--officially... And I need to confess. I know that I deserve to get blasted-- I made a really stupid mistake and I could have hurt myself etc- I am not here to justify my actions but I am moving on from it but I think that in order to so I need make sure that I hold myself accountable. I know you all understand and have been there/here.

I made a really bad food decision today. Twice. I am cleared to eat solid food (had appointment yesterday) and haven't had any issues with drinking, eating, etc since my surgery. Only gas pains and some random port incision pain. Mostly everything that I have eaten since my surgery-except cottage cheese---almost tastes like absolute poo--kind of metallic. eggs, Jello, pudding, all Soups, all juice-sugar free and non sugar free-doesn't make a difference. All thru the liquid, mushie--it all tastes gross. Not that I have really been actually hungry. Warm tea with lemon tastes good so I have been drinking TONS of it.

So- I fell onto old habits in sheer want for the taste. I had 2 soft shell tacos from Taco Bell for lunch that I ate really slow. Tasted gross and I was disappointed in myself but learned that they are not worth the effort. Kind of felt sick cuz I am pretty positive it was more than my 4 oz max. So what do I do? Go after work and get a MCD's cheeseburger and small fries. I havent had MCD's for like 6-8 months, maybe more. And I feel REALLY sick to my "stoma" and very full. Didnt taste worth it either.

Hopefully, I didn't hurt myself--kind of freaks me out but I just needed to get it out there.... No more food secrets. Thanks

Surgery 9/15

200/190/130

[Lisa B 0]

Hey Kimmy - Everybody screws up sometime, as long as you learn from it it's not a complete waste. Just remember the sick feeling you had after eating the junk food, resolve to do better tomorrow, and move forward. Can't undo what you did, but mistakes in judgment show you're human. Just don't do it again!

I sometimes think we need to screw up a few times before getting it through our (fat) heads that we can't (and don't want to) eat like that any more!

Chin up!

[kimmyv 0]

Thanks Lisa!!! I really appreciate your positive reply--I thought I was through with those foods... I guess I just needed this to get it thru (as you say ) my "fat" head! Hehehe...

So gross.... Never thought I would actually think those foods were nasty--just figured I move on and think fondly... Nope- yucky.

[Lisa B 0]

I figured you'd probably already beat yourself about it better than any of us ever could!

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Hmm. I was told that, until my doc started giving me fills and tightening the "belt" as it were, there was nothing to stretch, actually. Once you've healed and until they start fills, I think your stomach processes like it did. I know I have consistently eaten more than 4 ounces. I don't eat as much as I did, but I don't eat 1/8 of a regular meal, either.

I don't think it matters until you're restricted, actually. Your choices may not have been healthy, but so what?

[BethFromVA 5]

It sounds like the food wasn't worth it, which hopefully will stick with you if you get the urge again.

No bashing... we are all human. Be proud, go on to the next day, and move forward. The only one who will judge you the hardest is yourself. Just try not to be too hard.

[kimmyv 0]

Thanks--- I am just feeling the guilts ( my typical Catholic, Italian reaction to just about everything--which usually ends up in eating-good thing I couldn't even possibly put something in my mouth I feel so sick) about my bad choices when I REALLY just want to move forward to health and make the right choices. And of course from reading a ton of posts about eating solids or the wrong stuff too soon (although I apparently didn't heed them) I didn't want my snazzy new little purse (that's what I call it) to get hurt from churning around.

Restless Monkey-- You're great! Always to the point and up front. Love it.

[littlefroggy 0]

Probably not the best thing, but when in a lurch (stayed to late at work, terrible traffic, wouldn't be home until 8:00) I have twice gone to taco bell and got a regular beef taco.

They are 140 calories. I just get one.

I like it as I know it's something I can digest, since it's made of all approved textures and things. The corn tortilla shell is not the best, but it's not the worst either.

The McDonald's... not a good choice! Remember- no bread!!!

[Kat817 19]

I too am a taco regular!!! I do the crunchy shell, the flour tortillas are way too hard when you get restriction, to digest well---the crunchy corn ones, are not an issue with me. I have eaten them in moderation---one per meal----since I was approved to eat solid food.

I have had a few cheeseburgers through the last couple of years as well---I generally remove one half of the bun and do a fold over, and then manage about half a burger. Once I got restriction french fries were history---they are really hard to digest for me, and I have a choice, I can eat half my burger, or I can eat 3 fries......might not be the best nutrition, but it is more than I would get from 3 fries!!!

The great thing about being banded is it is so easy to get back on the BAND wagon again----and when you can begin the fill process, avoiding these things will be much easier!!!

Hang in there, and do your best to make good choices.....it IS hard, but SOOOOOOOOO worth it in the end!!

Kat

[chicamam1 1]

trust me, we all do this, we are not perfect at all. I cant tell you how much for me its been hard. my hubby and i went to my fave restie, and i had blackened prime rib. not the best choice andddd. im not supposed to eat red meats until 6 weeks but i have been. I havent had any stomach issues, but still. Then here is the biggie ok??? we went to the movies and I had about 15 peices of popcorn which is on the no no list too. man that stuff is sooo baddddd for you... I didnt have any issues eating one at a time but still. sigh.... we all screw up. I have been craving tacobell like mad. if a crunchy taco is only 140 cals maybe ill consider it. I dont know. sigh..... dont beat yourself up. I didnt feel too guilty only because ive worked my butt off for the last month. However, i cant afford to make it a daily habit. I like to eat out alot that is my downfall. I found the best fishmarket place that grilled me up halibut with cajun tartar and whole black Beans. yum. they only charged me 3.00 bucks. I know where im eating now if im going out

[BethFromVA 5]

Good thing for me I HATE Taco Bell! lol

[tqtena 0]

Hey everyone...I have been lurking here since right before my surgery on 9/15 and I have to say that you all are all inspirations and support in many different ways. I now am joining the ranks--officially... And I need to confess. I know that I deserve to get blasted-- I made a really stupid mistake and I could have hurt myself etc- I am not here to justify my actions but I am moving on from it but I think that in order to so I need make sure that I hold myself accountable. I know you all understand and have been there/here.

I made a really bad food decision today. Twice. I am cleared to eat solid food (had appointment yesterday) and haven't had any issues with drinking, eating, etc since my surgery. Only gas pains and some random port incision pain. Mostly everything that I have eaten since my surgery-except cottage cheese---almost tastes like absolute poo--kind of metallic. eggs, Jello, pudding, all Soups, all juice-sugar free and non sugar free-doesn't make a difference. All thru the liquid, mushie--it all tastes gross. Not that I have really been actually hungry. Warm tea with lemon tastes good so I have been drinking TONS of it.

So- I fell onto old habits in sheer want for the taste. I had 2 soft shell tacos from Taco Bell for lunch that I ate really slow. Tasted gross and I was disappointed in myself but learned that they are not worth the effort. Kind of felt sick cuz I am pretty positive it was more than my 4 oz max. So what do I do? Go after work and get a MCD's cheeseburger and small fries. I havent had MCD's for like 6-8 months, maybe more. And I feel REALLY sick to my "stoma" and very full. Didnt taste worth it either.

Hopefully, I didn't hurt myself--kind of freaks me out but I just needed to get it out there.... No more food secrets. Thanks

Surgery 9/15

200/190/130

My guess is you are human. Don't be too hard on yourself. Sounds like you learned from your actions. Speaking of Taco Bell, for Breakfast I had refried Beans with melted cheese and loving it. Good Luck! WE CAN DO THIS!

[heartfire 4]

I guess I'm not really sure why you're confessing. You are approved for solid foods. You may not have made the best choices in what you ate but we have to get over the "bad" food, "good" food mentality. There are always better choices we can make. Always. Does that mean we always do? No. But now with the band, those not so good choices aren't as detrimental as they used to be.

I don't have any fill and yet I can NOT eat as much as I did before my surgery. Am I picking the best food all the time? No. Am I eating better than I ever have? Yes.

I also don't understand the "no can do ever" list that I hear folks talk about. The only thing my surgeon said I can never have is carbonation (sodas, beer, etc.). I am supposed to eat Protein first but there is no list of foods my surgeon will not ever allow. I don't understand where a "no" foods list comes from that includes bread, Pasta and popcorn. I've heard of bandsters having problems with them and on their own aren't the best choices (no protein) but I've never heard of a surgeon saying no to certain foods. Anyway, just asking.

Please don't beat yourself up. There really is no reason. This whole thing is a learning process. (You may not ever eat any of those things again just because they made you so sick feeling!) Just because we have the band installed does not make us perfect eaters overnight! We came in to this with our bad habits intact. It's up to us to work on the head stuff. I keep saying, they did surgery on my stomach, too bad they didn't work on my brain while they were at it!

Hang in there and learn from what turned out to be a mistake (feeling sick) and then move on.

[avm 0]

I agree with everyone's sentiments. The brain does not automatically switch overnight. I think a big way we learn how to be successful bandsters is by eating too much and/or foods that do not work with our band. The discomfort is a huge teacher! I also agree that you cannot make a set in stone list of not allowed foods. Everyone reacts differently and by trial and error we will learn what works for us. Now, everyone please stop talking about Taco Bell!! I am getting a serious craving going here.

[chicamam1 1]

I guess I'm not really sure why you're confessing. You are approved for solid foods. You may not have made the best choices in what you ate but we have to get over the "bad" food, "good" food mentality. There are always better choices we can make. Always. Does that mean we always do? No. But now with the band, those not so good choices aren't as detrimental as they used to be.

I don't have any fill and yet I can NOT eat as much as I did before my surgery. Am I picking the best food all the time? No. Am I eating better than I ever have? Yes.

I also don't understand the "no can do ever" list that I hear folks talk about. The only thing my surgeon said I can never have is carbonation (sodas, beer, etc.). I am supposed to eat Protein first but there is no list of foods my surgeon will not ever allow. I don't understand where a "no" foods list comes from that includes bread, Pasta and popcorn. I've heard of bandsters having problems with them and on their own aren't the best choices (no protein) but I've never heard of a surgeon saying no to certain foods. Anyway, just asking.

Please don't beat yourself up. There really is no reason. This whole thing is a learning process. (You may not ever eat any of those things again just because they made you so sick feeling!) Just because we have the band installed does not make us perfect eaters overnight! We came in to this with our bad habits intact. It's up to us to work on the head stuff. I keep saying, they did surgery on my stomach, too bad they didn't work on my brain while they were at it!

Hang in there and learn from what turned out to be a mistake (feeling sick) and then move on.

thank you for your post. I have been making very health choices and have also eaten the best I have in my whole life!! Im not banded ( i meant to say not filled blah) lol yet but so far nothing has caused me discomfort but that might change when i get my first fill. funny thing is tho almost 4 weeks out i get full between 4-6 oz im not complaining at all lol. your right, we shouldnt be ourself up. thank you for posting that. its not like i have prime rib everyday lol. mostly chicken turkey fish etc, healthy choices. the funny thing is when i upped my calories, i kicked in the weight loss again. before i was only eating about 400-600 cals a day. my goal now is 800-1000

Edited October 7, 2008 by chicamam1