Anybody's spouse an "eating buddy"?

[BethFromVA 5]

I go for a seminar tonight to find out more. For once in my life I am truly considering doing something like this, and so far I like the sounds of this procedure.

However, I have this husband... lol... I have gained 140 pounds since I've known him -- double my weight from when we met. I gained 100 of that within the first couple years. I have now been fat for nearly 20 years.

My husband LOVES food, but he's not fat. He's maybe gained about 20 pounds since we met, but he's certainly not fat. He can eat massive amounts at one sitting. I, however, just look at food and blow up. Oftentimes he only eats one meal a day which SHOULD make him fat.

I have tried dieting before, and he was as supportive as he could be in the beginning. Maybe 6 months or so into a diet, he'd really want to start going out to eat and having stuff that certainly was not on my diet. The problem was, I could do pretty well, but then his constant want of bad foods really got to me and my weakness. I'm certainly not blaming him, but his love of food and wanting me to eat with him would override what he knew I wanted. Does that make sense?

Anyway, this type of procedure, should I do it, will really put a change in that relationship... with food, that is. We even have friends who would have us go out with them nearly every night of the week if they could, but it's easier to say no, we're busy, to them.

Anybody else have this concern/issue? If so, how did it go or what ended up happening??

[misskitty84 0]

Yup, right here. We've been together 2 1/2 years and I gained 100 lbs in the first 2 years (I was already big when we met, too). He's a big guy and we both loooove to eat so we really bonded over things like going to dinner, vegging in front of the tv & eating, etc.

I've been banded for 2 weeks now and even though it's such a short amount of time I don't feel like anything has really changed. If anything it's encouraging him to stay away from foods that I can't eat anymore (especially bread and pasta) or if he does eat them it's in much smaller portions. He was actually really excited about it because he knows his eating habits will change because mine are.

Hang in there and don't let that sway you from doing what's best for you!

[dperson 0]

I am 4 weeks post op and it is the best thing i could have done for myself. My husband is a junkaholic and i used to be one also. Since being banded i did fall off the wagon a few times but i'm fine now. Those few times i was really just eating to eat. I didnt gain any weight but didnt lose any either. Like i said i'm back on track and figure thats pretty stupid to go through the surgery just to cheat in the end. So i've had know cravings, not even when he is gobbling down junk food. My husband like yours is not overweight. Good luck

[amberstar 1]

I completely understand. I've gained 25lbs since I got married, that was just in May! We love to eat together. But since being banded he's been very supportive. Getting me fat free pudding, weight watchers ice cream, going walking with me... I think it's encouraged him to help me and help himself. At the same time I don't want to penalize him because I had surgery. So we compromise. I still make a good dinner for him, I just eat on a way smaller plate and we still get to enjoy food together.

[austex 0]

HAHA my hubby is a great cook that is my problem when we met I was weighing 135lbs and over the course of 7 years I have gain all my weight now I am at 216lbs so that isnt good, he is a good cook and for that I am how I am , I will have to control my self later on , I dont blame him for my weight gain but that is how I got where I am at today LOL

He plans to get on a diet when I get banded LOL

[luluc 6]

Anybody else have this concern/issue? If so, how did it go or what ended up happening??

hi beth,

hubby and i both packed on the pounds, gaining over 75lbs each after we got married. we just stopped being active & our meals became our source of "entertainment" as we threw a lot of diner parties / drank too much wine & went out a lot.

we were both banded last oct & we STILL do all the above (less wine tho:tongue:), just in a healthier way and "IF" we still want the higher calories meal it's just in a smaller portion. we weren't much "junk" eaters, rather than volume & the band has helped immensley.

hubby got to goal relatively fast (6months), and i'd like to lose a bit more - but we're totally active, which helps replace a lot of the "food" obsession w/trying new recips on healthier ways of cooking.

hope it all works out for you!!!

[KelinTx 1]

Enjoying good food together has always been my husband and i's favorite thing. From the day we met would always seek out the GREAT restaurants even if it meant traveling FAR! How can you not love a guy who is always bringing you presents of the best chocolates, wines, pastries and ice creams money could buy. I loved it 359 pounds worth!! I was 142 when i was married 15 yrs ago. Hub went from 180 to 275. After i was banded we both continued dining out at least 3 times a week, but made much healthier choices. Hes managed to lose 75 lbs of his own since ive been banded. Yes he still comes home with "Food Presents" for me but they are band friendly and never more then enuff for us each to have one serving.

[jmegirl 2]

My husband is looking forward to my band, because it means I won't buy junk food anymore. Now I'll buy a bag of chips or ice cream, and even though he wants to stay away from it, he tends to eat it just because it's there. So when I'm banded I'll be eating less, and I'll obviously be buying more nutritious foods, so he's looking forward to my change in diet because it will also force him to change!

Hopefully this will happen with your husband eventually. You'll stop stocking the house with junk and he won't have any junk to eat! Good luck!

[BethFromVA 5]

For me it's not so much the junk food. One would think it is, but it isn't.

He goes to costco and buys the industrial sized Snacks and usually takes them to work, though some end up at the house. I rarely touch them.

My issue is the Portion Control and eating healthy foods. When we go out to eat, I'm not choosing the chicken, we're going to a restaurant where we love the drunken ribeye... or we do Thai or Indian or Greek or Japanese (and though sushi isn't bad, it's the AMOUNT we do).

So for me, it's certainly about portions (which is one of the biggest reasons I'm considering this surgery) and the choices when we eat meals. That, and being good about eating timely. I can drink coffee for Breakfast and then not eat a bite until 12:30 at work. I know that is not healthy. And I'm bad about my Water. I do well when I'm losing -- you couldn't find anybody more dedicated, until... something blows it. I give up. The portions get big again. I dunno...

Sad thing is, he USED to be fat as a kid then got thin in college. I was always thin until my mid-20s.

[kiz 1]

Beth, to be honest, if you're bumping against 300 pounds, this is not a cosmetic problem you're facing, it's a real health risk. There are no guarantees, but I would have to believe you are risking a much shorter life if you don't do something soon. It sounds like you're in a loving relationship with your husband, and he has tried in the past to accommodate your needs, but he fails. I would tell him what you've said here, and treat this obesity problem for what it is, it's a disease. If you had a cancer that could be controlled by diet, I'm sure he would make darn sure you had his complete support.

As far as going out to eat, there are so many great choices on the menu, if we look for them. Also, since the band restricts the amount of food we can eat, even a somewhat bad choice occasionally won't derail us.

[BethFromVA 5]

Thank you, kiz. That's how I feel as well. I'm not talking 20 irritating pounds here... we're talking nearly 20 years of bad health that WILL cash its check with me soon. I call myself a doctor's nightmare because I don't have a lot of the health issues I should... but I certainly don't want to tempt fate.

I don't know what I feel: Fear? Guilt? That he'll try to dissuade me when I make my final decision? I've already run it through my head -- when I make a final decision on this, I will tell him that I am telling him about this because I love him and I need his support, not his acceptance or "permission". I feel horrible about myself and it has really changed me for the worse, and I don't like the person I see. I feel worthless and like a failure. I need help that I haven't been able to find within myself before now... so if that means I need help in the form of restriction, then I'm at a point where I can now admit that.

[health4life 0]

Your story sounds alot like mine. I gained over 100 lbs after marriage (15 yrs). My DH travels quite a bit and we went everywhere together and my mentality was that I was going to eat good and at places not known to my city. BIG mistake! It's amazing how fast it comes on you and one day you look at yourself and say, "I'm fat". I contemplated surgery a few years ago and thought it was for people who are weak and have no will power and it's just a cop out. Well, tomorrow I will Celebrate 4 weeks having my band. I have only 1 regret...that I didn't do it sooner. I have a VERY supportive husband and and he's not picky and will eat whatever I prepare. He just eats more. He's a big and very tall man so naturally he eats more than me and my issue was I tried to keep up with him. Now I eat with him and quit as soon as I am satisfied and let him eat whats left from my plate. He is very shocked and his comment was, in the past you would have eaten the appetizers and your meal. I am very cautious of what I eat because I do not want to experience PB'ing or sliming and so far so good. If we had the willpower to lose on our own, none of us would be posting here. Thank god for the genius man/woman who created the "lapband". Whatever decision you make, I'm sure it will be the right one. Sounds like you have support at home and definitly do here. We're all in the same boat, trying to reach the same destination...Healthy Skinny Island. Best wishes.

[BethFromVA 5]

I have to ask a dumb newbie question, but I haven't found the answer yet.

What is PBing, and what is sliming. I have a guess as to sliming but I can't figure it all out for sure. :smile2:

By the way, I went to my seminar tonight, and I have made an appointment with the doc for next Thursday.

Still haven't told hubby yet tho. He just asked me a few minutes ago if I was going to tell him what my "meeting" was about (he knows it's health related), but I said not yet. I just don't need any potential negativity clouding my decision right now.

[Chris61 0]

My wife and I were the same as a lot has been spoken here. Now that we are both banded we are working on things and eating less. Sliming can happen when you eat to fast or to much and stuff get stuck. It is the food tube trying to lube itself so the food would go down better. Most of the time for me at least I then have to burp and it come up since the band/funnel will not let it down.

Chris

[kiz 1]

I hope you felt the seminar was informative. That's great that you have an appointment already. I hope you can get the support you need from your husband.

As far as PB, it's a productive burp. I haven't had one, thankfully, because I've read that they are very unpleasant. It happens after something gets stuck, and can't go down, so it comes up.