Dealing with Friends and Family

[Ditkadog1 0]

So, I have been debating with myself over having lap band done on and off for about 2 years. Two weeks ago I finally decided it was the right choice for me. I called my PCP and made an appointment with him (I go tomorrow for that meeting) and have already registered for the 2 hour seminar at the Bariatric Surgery center here. I am VERY happy with my decision and know this is the only way I am going to get my life back. I waited until this weekend to tell people about my decision and I am getting less than positive responses in all directions. A friend I have had almost my entire life started questioning what I had done to try to lose weight in the past and offering me all these crazy diets and crap to try. She has been a twig most of her life and when she needs to lose a few pounds she has no problem doing so. I told my mom and I could tell she wasn't happy about my choice. She didn't come right out and say it, she just didn't really say anything. I am lucky that my husband is supporting me 150%! He knows I didn't just jump into this decision and I am doing all the necessary research, etc, to prepare myself for life before and after the procedure. I am just at a loss as far as dealing with people who don't understand why I am choosing to do this. I don't think I should have to explain myself and my decision to anyone, but there are those out there making me feel like an explanation is required. Has anyone else had experiences like this or am I just overreacting?

[TQUAD64 9]

I have decided not to tell, family, friends, or co-workers. I don't need their perspective on my health issues. The only opinions I seek are from those individuals in the medical field and who have already had the procedure.

As for work, I am taking three weeks vacation off. As for family and friends, they know I am having surgery but they do not know what the surgery is for. My family will take care of me after surgery and my friends will send love and support my way.

All my health matters are private! :thumbdown:

[PinePal 9]

I am not sure how my family feels about it. My sister, who is about the same size I am now, doesn't talk about it, and if I mention it she changes the subject. My mother has not said anything, but a couple of times she has asked about "how it works" and "why I need it." My Dad just jokes. My husband is being banded too and has told his immediate family with a bit better responce than I have gotten. I am not telling co-workers or friends. I figure someday if anyone asks why I am shrinking I will just tell them I am eating better. . . which won't really be a lie. . . just not the whole truth.:thumbdown:

[SuzanneG 1]

Don't let them discourage you. I had the same experience, only my sister was my biggest problem. She normally was always in my corner but she was dead set against me getting the band. I didn't offer up much in my defense other than what you already said, I did my research and I felt like it was the answer for me. Statistics show that 95% of all diets fail. Sure, any of them work short term.

I liken it to holding your arms straight up. It's easy at first, then they start to feel heavy, and finally you just can't hold them up any longer. That's what dieting was like for me. The band liberated me from that.

Take heart, now that I've lost almost 70 pounds, my sister has become a fan. She even recommends it to poeple who complain about their weight to her and tells them to call me if they have questions.

Hopefully your friend will come around. You'll be surprised at the reactions you get as you loose too. Sometimes it makes people uncomfortable, some jealous, others tell you that you are getting too thin and try to talk you into not losing to your goal. What's wrong with people? Why can't they just want what's best for us?

Good luck. I know you'll do great!

Edited September 30, 2008 by SuzanneG

[BlondeAmbition 0]

I have also decided to keep my mouth shut until after i have had the surgery. I don't want other peoples input clouding my decision. My parents like to focus on all the things that could go wrong. I will however fess up once i start to loose weight. My wonderful husband is behind me always and right now is the only one who knows.

[billfresh 0]

don't mean to sound insensitive but why do so many folks feel the need to tell people that aren't immediate family about this medical procedure?? do you also tell people you are having hemoroid surgery, your tubes tied, a colonoscopy? see my point? some procedures are more private than others. getting an impacted wisdom tooth removed is not as personal as say a vasectomy. you can not expect others who have not lived their lives in your fat body(i'm one too) to understand your desire to have an elective surgery to fix what many feel is simply a problem with your eating habits or your lack of exercise. i tend to lean to the private side for my own medical history anyway but i only told my wife, kids, and sis-in-law(tried to get her to go as well). had surgery over a month ago and still have only told 4 others so far. as the weight comes off i'll tell more folks but i did NOT need the negative vibes and advise from uninformed folks that just don't understand the severity of my life long struggle with weight. i was self pay so i went to mexico to boot. imagine how these same folks would react if you dropped that bomb shell on them. good luck and don't let ANYONE tell you what you should do. you need support? come here and talk to others that know.

[Saundra 0]

I've told my sons and my sister, the negative came from thinking I was having the more radical bypass. Most have heard nothing but bad about WLS or if they have heard any good they seem to forget. My sister was negative at first, now she wants to watch and see how mine goes.....my hubby is my biggest supporter, he knows how much this means to me!

[DanTheMan 0]

I think the numbers show that orthoscopic banding is an incredibly safe procedure. It takes about an hour and I was home for 4 days before returning to work (I work at a computer). Getting to-from work was . . . ok. As for the support around you . . . you need to educate yourself and then educate them.

For me at least, the danger of not doing this procedure outweighted the danger of doing it--by far.

[sassy37 0]

I havent hid the fact from anyone , all my family & close friends know ,

Im lucky I guess I have a very strong circle of support and not 1 piece of negative feed:thumbup:back I was given .

If I did receive any Its a simple answer : its my body , my life and my business :cursing:

Dont let anyone discourage u :thumbdown:

But do your research and dont go in blind folded .

best of luck xxx

Sas:rolleyes2:

[chickiepickle 0]

If i ever end up getting the surgery, I will also keep the surgery on the down-low. Not that I would not get any negative feedback (i honestly have no idea) but I don't really want them to badger me with high expectations if I don't lose as fast as they want me to or if I want ice cream one night for a rare treat. If i lose weight, it will likely come up but I don't want to deal with that at this time. I tend to be dedicated to something as long as I am the only one who knows!! As soon as I tell people, I lose interest.

But this is all speculative - I JUST found out that my new insurance has a morbid obesity clause and I MIGHT be able to jump through the necessary hoops. I have been researching the band and everything about it for 3 years now. I am pretty darn sure i want it, I just need to make sure it is right for me.

-Krista

[vsnowrn 0]

I told my parents, and most of my friends, some co workers and etc. I heard this alot "why are you going to do that, espicially from my friends. I told them because look at me I am a heffer, then they didn't say anything LOL, I really don't care what people think, it is no different than me going in to get a nose job, it is my decision, and no one elses.

Veronica

[salome000 0]

My 9 year old and 4 year old begged me not to do this. They like it when, quote, "Mommy's soft."

My mother and father both tried to talk me out of it and my mother's personal trainer offered free sessions if I'd reconsider.

My husband is non-commital but is taking me to the hospital and helping some with the arrangements. A few friends have ranged from 'Why can't you do it yourself' to 'I wish I could take the easy way out too.'

What do I do??? I just laugh. I told my sons that doing this would keep mommy around to babysit their children. I thanked my parents and still borrowed the 2 grand I had to have upfront from them and for my friends, I just patted them on the hand and said "I appreciate your feedback."

As for my husband, he's probably cooperative because I told him if he wasn't, when I reached my goal weight I'd dump him for a doctor. That brought him around.

The thing is, these things will only bother you if you're making the decision to do this for other people and not yourself. I've told tons of people about my upcoming surgery and found that most people are envious and curious..in that order.

I'm not ashamed and to hell with the rest who don't like it or approve...this is for ME. For the first time in my life, I'm doing something solely for myself.

YAY ME! :cursing:

[salome000 0]

I forgot to add that I've told everyone I'm having a Tummy Tuck and breast lift next year as well. I'm 40 and gunning to be the MILF I always wanted to be.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[ladybugchaser 0]

I always love this thread...

Some people will be supportive and some never will.

And then there are those shockers...the people you THOUGHT would support your chance to improve your health.

Most people will never walk in your shoes and understand what this is like.

I hinted to a very good friend months ago that I was reading up on it and she was awful. At that moment I decided I wouldn't ever speak of it again and I haven't...she has no clue I had surgery. She's unhappy with her own significant weight and was more concerned that she wouldn't have a lunch buddy anymore. It made me sad but...it is what it is.

You need to be supported through this...only allow people on your party train that are willing and ready to Celebrate with you!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!

[jes1014 0]

As for my husband, he's probably cooperative because I told him if he wasn't, when I reached my goal weight I'd dump him for a doctor. That brought him around.

I'm still pre-op and my husband is 100% supportive but I had to say that I love how your brought your husband around!

I am only telling my husband, the two girls who work for me and my boss - they can all keep their mouths shut. No one else needs to know and I know that most of them well not be supportive at all.