Dealing with Friends and Family

[adamsmom 4]

Sorry you're experiencing this. Mostlikely, she's afraid for you. There was a trime that the only people few people I knew who had bariatric surgery were dead. :scared2:This was not appealing to me, but this is the image that WLS has. Then lap banding came out and I gave it a new look. :thumbup:I'm still afraid, but I have been reading a lot online and I'm doing my homwework. I will knoweverything there is to know before I submit to surgery, although I am pretty sure I'll go through with it. Manwhile, oly my husband and best friend knw. My husband is supportive; my friend is coming around--she know's a lot of bypass patients that have had bad side effects. I will not tell coworkers, my parents, friends, family-some not ever, others, oly if they ask me how I got to be so skinny and beautiful!

[hanes66 0]

I've had both negative and positive support. My fiance's family is more against it than my own family. My parents have been awesome about it and know that this is my decision. His family is constantly on diets and having contests to see who can loose the most weight, but I've been through all of that and it didn't work. I just tell them that this is what I've decided to do, and leave it at that. I've been telling my brother all the way along what was going on, but it wasn't until just the other day that he wanted to know more about the procedure and what I have had to do to get here, and what I have to do post-surgery.

Your doing what is best for you and your health, and the more you get into the procedure, the more they will too. I look at this way, one of these day's I'm going to be alot thinner than most of the people that are questioning my decision, and when they see that I made the right decision for me, they won't have anything else that they can say.

Remember: NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. Eleanor Roosevelt

You do what's best for you, and eventually people will get behind you.

Good Luck

[gitrdone 0]

My biggest fan is my son. My husband is supportive, but questions everything, though I'm guessing he'll get in line when I'm successful. My brother and sil are awesome about it. I guess being aggorophobic has it's fringe +'s lol.

Gitrdone

[chickiepickle 0]

you know, over the last 3 years that i have been researching the band, my husband has never once said he did not want me to do it. But when I told him our insurance has a clause and there is a slim chance i might be able to have the surgery...he is balking on being supportive. Because...wait for it...if it doesn't work, we are out a lot of money.

I can understand his POV (he was recently unemployed for 2 years and we finally have the job that will get us out of debt for good). And he and i have an amazing ability to communicate honestly and not hold anything back. I know this is just his first impression and he will come around (he always has the wrong impulse first) but can you imagine?!?!

It doesn't help that because of my PCOS I am concerned that it won't work for me...but I am willing to give it a fantastic try and enjoy the beautiful results!!

-krista

[Sooner 0]

My husband has always been absolutely against it from the moment I first mentioned it. He even threatened divorce last March when I started the process. I just proceeded on and kept quiet about it. My grown-up kids are also against it but they really don't understand what it's all about.

I am now scheduled for October 7th and my husband is having major acting out behavior. His reasons: I am weak and need to learn how to "handle your fork", the doctors are just trying to get money, it's an elective surgery and I am subjecting myself to getting the MRSA infection, blah, blah, blah.

There is no way to calmly discuss the subject with him - he simply goes ballistic! He says he will not take me to the hospital on Tuesday nor will he "be there for me after wards" - whatever that means. Interesting thing is that his BMI is 47 and he has only been able once to be successful on a diet and then regained the weight back!

Oh well, I absolutely am going to have the surgery, regardless of the family consequences. I'm usually pretty easy going and agreeable but I'm not going to back down on this! In my view, I need to do it for multiple, serious health problems. I'm doing it for me, not for anyone else!

[ladybugchaser 0]

KRISTA!!!!!!!!!

I could relate to your post! When my body stopped making hormones again this spring...I get about 15 symptoms (migraines,etc...) so as they began to progress...Hubby said...better go back to that hormone doc because what if that surgery doesn't work...you will have thrown that money away (we are self pay). I said..really...that's your standpoint? The hormone doc cost $20k OUT OF POCKET annually...and you are willing to do that for the rest of our lives but NOT willing to do a $12k surgery that could very well FIX this? lol....

I was scared to death...as you are about the PCOS stuff. What if I am one of those who doesn't lose? And as you see below...I am losing. It feels surreal after fighting PCOS for so long. And I am not eating the 100 percent clean PCOS way either. Not really exercising yet, still healing...

You can do this and you can be successful! Hubby will come around.

p.s. I noticed a SIGNIFICANT difference in my hormones 48 hours after surgery and every day...it gets better. I wake up with a smile on my face again. :tongue:

Fingers crossed for you to find a way to have this done!

[BethFromVA 5]

Hopefully your friend will come around. You'll be surprised at the reactions you get as you loose too. Sometimes it makes people uncomfortable, some jealous, others tell you that you are getting too thin and try to talk you into not losing to your goal. What's wrong with people? Why can't they just want what's best for us?

I've heard about this before: We are no longer the fat friend, the fat coworker, the fat family member. It changes our "position" in all of our relationships, and oftentimes people don't know what to do with that, especially when we start looking good and getting attention. It's sad, but it does happen.

[BethFromVA 5]

My husband has always been absolutely against it from the moment I first mentioned it. He even threatened divorce last March when I started the process. I just proceeded on and kept quiet about it. My grown-up kids are also against it but they really don't understand what it's all about.

I am now scheduled for October 7th and my husband is having major acting out behavior. His reasons: I am weak and need to learn how to "handle your fork", the doctors are just trying to get money, it's an elective surgery and I am subjecting myself to getting the MRSA infection, blah, blah, blah.

There is no way to calmly discuss the subject with him - he simply goes ballistic! He says he will not take me to the hospital on Tuesday nor will he "be there for me after wards" - whatever that means. Interesting thing is that his BMI is 47 and he has only been able once to be successful on a diet and then regained the weight back!

Oh well, I absolutely am going to have the surgery, regardless of the family consequences. I'm usually pretty easy going and agreeable but I'm not going to back down on this! In my view, I need to do it for multiple, serious health problems. I'm doing it for me, not for anyone else!

Oh wow, that's harsh! Could it be that when you succeed, it will show him how he has failed? With him having a BMI of 47 himself, what makes YOU weak and HIM not??

Well, I'm glad to hear you are doing what you need to for you. Let the chips fall where they may, regardless of what he threatens. He'll either go through with his threats or he won't, but either way, you'll be a healthier you to handle whatever comes down the pike.

[Sophie42 0]

Only my husband and one sister knows I am getting banded. I live in a small town, and I don't like everyone knowing my business. I guess it is a personal choice who you tell. I agree with the others that think it is private matter. When I start loosing weight, I will tell them I too am eating better.