Need help... What would you do????

[Tess415 1]

Thank you all for all the advice and prayers. I don't eat when I'm stressed so I think that maybe this is a good time to have it done anyhow. Then I won't be starving on the pre op diet right?? I'm trying so hard to look on the bright side of things ...but right now i can't see the sun...

By the way... I forgot to mention that I did throw his a** out as soon as I found out. But it kills me to hear my son say "where's daddy". UGHHHH.... I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW... :thumbdown:

Let me also say that I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this, just when you are finally going to do something for yourself and your health. I see most posts say go for it, I would like to offer another option to consider.... Check with your insurance company, most give 6 months from approval date to have it done and still approved. I say this as an emotional eater, give yourself some space and coping time. You could end up feeling very deprived and depressed all at once. Consider keeping on track, keep exercising set another date maybe in a month and go for it. I don't think you can go wrong giving yourself some time to adjust and get some perspective on the end of your marriage. One day at a time!!!! Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your kids!!!!!!:huggie:HUGS!!!

[bandiva 0]

I feel qualified to say what I want here cause I have walked in your shoes. Here are a few thoughts...

Don't feel guilty, your pos husband didn't just destroy a marriage he also destroyed a family. You didn't. I felt guilty too and that my kids needed a father blah blah blah...Ya know what, they were better off with me - especially a happy healthy confidant me. You have a long journey ahead of you but start it now. It will give you something to focus on rather than the pain. Get counselling, if you can't afford it there is free counselling or support groups such as al-anon. Don't feel like you have to be nice to either of them. Forgiveness is something you will work out in your own heart, but that doesn't mean you have to let them back into your lives. If someone makes you feel bad, get them out of your life. You and your kids deserve better. Consider this perfect timing for your new life for you and your kids. You will get through this, one day at a time. Huge hugs.

[JRFAN88 1]

From someone who has been there - DO IT! GO AHEAD WITH THE SURGERY. I went through with a terrible divorce that started with my husband of 17 years leaving on Thanksgiving day of 2006. I was at my all time high weight when he left. I know exactly what it was because I was in the ER the night after he left because my blood pressure was through the roof & I was having extreme headaches from the stress. It wasn't until 2 weeks later that I found out he had a girlfriend. I lost 20 pounds that 1st month he was gone & that was with Christmas in that month. Over the next 4 or 5 months I had lost 56 pounds. I couldn't eat anything without feeling like I was going to throw up. Last August I started dating someone. I gained almost all of my weight back by the spring of this year when I started looking into the lapband. Now I'm 5 pounds from where I was last year after losing that 56 pounds from the divorce.

Anyway the point is if I could have had the lapband at the same time I was going through the divorce I wouldn't have gained this weight back. The "divorce" diet was the best weight loss program I had ever done. Going through that "diet" along with the lapband is just double strength weight loss!

Good luck! Oh, & trust me when I say you will get through this. I didn't think I would at times. It was the worst period of my life. But I am stronger for it & I'm getting married next Thursday to the man I started dating last August.

[austex 0]

skinnyme2be,

U have to be stronger for the childen cuz it isnt just u now,

I am so sorry to hear what is going on with u, but if it were me and this is just me , I would do it and later when u have it u will be starting a new life , a fresh new life and u will have gotten rid of all the bad things in ur life and go on , just dont look back going forward will be hard I can say that much I raised my son alone from the time he was 4 yes till now he is 19 of course and I say I did a dam good job alone, u are stonger than u think and yes the babies will ask for the daddy but in time I would just say he has to work late ........and I would leave it at so it wont make me sad either just thinking of my child without a dad, he was with out a dad for a reason he was a jerk that is where I will leave that,

good luck on what ever u do , my prayers go out to u and ur family!!

Becky

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

This is your decision and your alone and only you know what's best for you. I am so sorry for the situation your in and having been through something like this myself can feel your pain.

That being said, I want to tell you that the liquid diet was a very emotional time for me, and I felt a little crazy during this time. You are greiving for food, you are hungry, you are living off nothing but Protein drinks and Clear liquids...It hits some harder than others and I had a hard time with it, physically and emotionally.

I want you to know this because I want you to consider if you can handle the stress from the upcoming divorce, not being able to eat, and staying strong for you children. I am NOT telling you to cancel it, I just want you to be prepared. After the liquid diet it is much much easier. I want you to be ready.

Once again I am so sorry that your soon to be ex husband is an inconsiderate jerk wad who needs his voliating member cut off.

[sil 0]

i would like to say go through with the surgery, for you an your kids, because they will need you,so much, to be a stronger an healthier person, when a man do wrong like cheating they always leave the kids behind, to go start all over again, well some do. with someone else kids that are not their kids, so stay strong an god bless you on your new journey in life the kids ,

[TQUAD64 9]

I am sorry you are going through this difficult time. I would have the surgery on your scheduled date. Your health is first and foremost, so that you can be there for your children.

[LABBY08 0]

I like everyone here I'm very sorry about your siuation. I know it can be very stressfull right now, and with three babies, it's even harder. This is your decision to make only you know who much you can handle. I was married for 9 years and only have one child, but my husband cheated on me right after I had our daughter, I mean I still had staples in my stomach from the c-section!!! Men don't think peroid! Only live in the moment, and think about the conseqences later. I want you to know I am very very happly divorced. It was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I'm not saying get a divorce it's your decision, but my daughter and myself are a lot better off, he wasn't much of a father before and still not much of one now. He loves his daughter, but most men do get it!! I haven't been banded yet, but I have to do the 6 month also and everything else, knowing that I have done so much I wouldn't want to not do it. Everything you have put in this doesn't need to go to waste. It's time to think of yourself, and your kids. Be better for them!!

Edited September 30, 2008 by LABBY08

[Snapdragon 0]

It's hard to answer because I'm not in your shoes. After giving it some thought though, I'd go through with the surgery. I'd do it because right at this moment in time, you need to do something for YOU. Furthermore, you have your future and the future of your children to worry about. You being a healthy, happy person is going to help with all of your futures.

Saying all that...follow your heart. Get some quiet time alone and listen to what your heart is telling you. Put aside the issues about paying more, what the insurance will say or won't say, etc. I truly believe you'll find the peace that you need.

I'm sorry for the struggles you're going through and the heartache you must be feeling. My best to you and your little ones.

[MADE IT 2 MY GOAL..OH YEAH 0]

I am scheduled for surgery 10/20. Saturday I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with my own f..ing sister that we let move in for a few weeks at the beginning of the summer because she had no place else to go and she is an alcoholic. We were trying to help her out right..

So she moved out a few months ago and has been drinking again and kept calling us over and over and over all hours of the day and night. I started getting suspicious and finally after multiple fights he finally admitted to cheating for the past couple of months.... What do I do now... I know stress is not good for the band and I don't want to let her get the satisfaction knowing that i didn't go through with surgery. On top of all of this I have 2 kids under 3 that I have to protect. I am filing for divorce as soon as I can save up the money. But what do you think, should I go through with the surgery and hope that the band doesn't bother me being under so much stress?? Or should I postpone it and risk having to pay even more money for it if it's in the new year?? I've already lost 5 pounds in less than a week because every time i eat i feel like it's going to come right back up. any advice would be appreciated...

thanks

I can actually speak from experience with a cheating husband. Mine use to wait until I went to work and do his thing. Anyways, stress isn't good for the band, that is true, but it also isn't good for anything in your life.

Go through with the operation, do it for yourself and show that cheating slimball that nothing he can do is going to change the fact that one day he is going to really realize what a mistake he has made and you (hopefully) wont be there to take him back. But more so, do it for the reason of getting your life back on track and for your health.

Divorce isn't easy and I only believe in it for 2 reasons, adultry and viloence, he crossed that line, now its your turn to hit him where it hurts.

Good luck sweetie

[MADE IT 2 MY GOAL..OH YEAH 0]

i would like to say go through with the surgery, for you an your kids, because they will need you,so much, to be a stronger an healthier person, when a man do wrong like cheating they always leave the kids behind, to go start all over again, well some do. with someone else kids that are not their kids, so stay strong an god bless you on your new journey in life the kids ,

I hear you on that one, my ex husband (the sorry low down good for nothing pain in my a$$), doesn't pay child support, isn't involved in either

of my kids lives, and seems that he could care less about his own flesh and blood. Meanwhile, he is married to someone else, raising her kids, involved in their lives, and helps with anything they need. So yeah, some men leave the ones they had a hand in making and take care of someone elses kids. I have a wonder life now, a wonderful husband (even though I am kind of ticked off at him at the moment he is still wonderful), he takes care of my kids like they are his own.

[Saundra 0]

skinnyme2be

I read both opinions on this and I'm one of the been there had it done to me ones (with litle kids as well). Life sucks right now but it will get better. When i wanted to quit I always had that what about this and that, and even though I knew I was going to loose someone who meant the world to me I was reminded that life always has stress to some degree or other. If I put stopping off because of stress I'd never quit. I also think that concentrating could be a good distraction from the pain. I lost weight when we split and that made me want to loose more to look good, you know the see look what you lost thing! So I'm with the go for it ones. Regard;ess its your decision, I wouldn't wish what they did to you on anyone. Sadly ithappened. Stronger (and thinner) you'll be after.

Saundra

[smellyfresh 0]

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I feel that things always happen for the best. Please take this oppertunity to love yourself and be kind to yourself. The best revenge is to get healthy and live a happy life. Carma takes care of everything else. Spend your energy and emotion on yourself because you are worth it and your children need a strong and healthy mom to take care of them.

[skinnyme2be 0]

I just want to thank you all for the advice again and let you know that I have absolutely committed to getting the band and not putting it off. It has almost been a week since I had found out about the a**hole. I am almost through with the hurt and now I'm getting mad/even. You see, we have medical ins through my job and He will be cancelled SOON. I have almost always made more than him so I can handle all the bills that will be left for the household. I just let his bills sit on the counter and I drained all of our joint accounts and opened up one of my own. Not that there was a lot in it, but some. I have paid the copay/deduct for my surgery so I don't have to worry about that now. Also have been getting a little revenge on my sister by calling a place that she owed money too and updated her address/workplace info so that they can now start garnishing her wages again. I guess I will probably never really get EVEN, but I am feeling alot better about my life and future right now. Not to mention just talking about it with co workers and knowing that I have the people around me and on here supporting me if I need it is helping. So just wanted to thank you all, your responses have helped me more than you know. I know that I am not alone in this. I want to be healthy for my children and myself, I have been working on getting the band for a while now and I was never doing it for him. Now I will be healthy, thinner and stronger like so many of you have said. And I'll be on the prowl for a new man..HA HA

God Bless

[Saundra 0]

skinnyme2be

I read both opinions on this and I'm one of the been there had it done to me ones (with litle kids as well). Life sucks right now but it will get better. When i wanted to quit I always had that what about this and that, and even though I knew I was going to loose someone who meant the world to me I was reminded that life always has stress to some degree or other. If I put stopping off because of stress I'd never quit. I also think that concentrating could be a good distraction from the pain. I lost weight when we split and that made me want to loose more to look good, you know the see look what you lost thing! So I'm with the go for it ones. Regard;ess its your decision, I wouldn't wish what they did to you on anyone. Sadly ithappened. Stronger (and thinner) you'll be after.

Saundra

I came back to see how you were doing skinny and reread my last post, to my horror theres parts missing, I was talking about when I needed to quit smoking cigarettes for my health. I;m glad your feeling stronger, don't be surprised if theres some not so strong days once in awhile, just remember you deserve to be treated much better than you were.