Just gotta vent

[MADE IT 2 MY GOAL..OH YEAH 0]

Have you ever felt like you must be the only one in the whole entire world that is going through this? Have you ever felt like nobody really cares? Have you ever felt nobody could honestly know how you are feeling or what it's like to be going through this, one of the biggest changes in your adult life?

That's how I am feeling right now. I'm pissed off at the world including myself. I feel that my band isn't working anymore and that this is going to be one of those crazy things I tried, it took a little bit of weight off and now it's done. I feel I just wasted my time doing all of this.

My husband sits on the bed eating a jelly filled something or other watching his cartoons, not even knowing that I am sitting here in front of the computer crying my eyes out. He don't know that I'm crying because

I'm confused, I'm scared, I'm frustrated, I'm ticked off. All he knows is cartoons is on and he is watching them.

I have an appointment tomorrow for my 3rd fill, since the first and the second one isn't seeming to do the trick. The Nurse at the surgeons office says that she will do this fill like she has been doing the other fills but if I don't feel any restriction in a couple of days to call and schedule another appointmet for a fill under the fluro. Did I say I have an appointment 2morrow? Well, I had one. My husband can't get off work tomorrow, I have nobody to go to the Doctors office with me, the ride is over 100 miles and over 2 hours away, I'm buying my car with it in my dads name, and he comes in my room tonight and informs me that I am not driving that far by myself. The car is in his name, the keys WONT be here to the car tomorrow when I get up, that I will have to reschedule it for sometime next week. ( we are in the middle of building our own home so we are staying with my folks to save money) My dad wouldn't even have known about the appointment tomorrow if my hubby hadn't went outside to smoke with my dad and had to open his big mouth about me going by myself and wouldn't listen to him about calling to cancel the appointment and get one for next week when he can take off work. Him and his big stupid mouth.

I want a cigg. so bad right now I can't stand it. I want something sweet to comfort me right now. I quit smoking the day I had my surgery, I quit sweets, I can't have cokes anymore cause of the carbonation in them, so I'm sitting here drinking chocolate milk out of a walt disney world glass. Some ppl are addicted to drugs, me I am addicted to chocolate milk...lol looky there, I just made myself smile.

I am beginning to think I am depressed. I need to make an appointment with therapist, but the closest one to where I live is over 30 miles away and the gas prices are climbing so high that I can barely afford to put gas in the car now and days.

I just have to wonder if anyone else is going through this same thing or am I the only one going through it. I have nobody to talk to. Nobody that I know personally that has went through this, my family hasn't went through it except with me so they dont know anymore than I do. So all they can manage to do it make me madder and make me cry harder.

I want to go to bed, but at the same time I dont. I tried earlier, before I got on the computer. I laid there crying, just thinking about how I'm not losing weight, how I want to eat, how I want to smoke, how I miss eating.

You have to understand, I'm not one of the poor poor pitty me ppl. I don't like to be fussed over, and I'm not one to walk around with my head down. But these past few hours, I have just felt so bad. What's going on with me?

[toots2008 0]

Hi Michelle,

I haven't had my surgery yet, but I think things are just getting you down right now but you have to take the attitude that things will be better tomorrow. Maybe you won't make it to you appointment tomorrow but will go next week. things will all work out no use getting yourself worked up about it because getting upset is not going to change the outcome, is only going to make things feel worse. I am going for my surgery on oct 14th just on the optfast right now dreaming about potato Soup last night. can think of better things to dream about. Hope you feel better. :biggrin:

Janet

[*slim* 2]

Hi. You are not alone. I haven't even had my band a week and am wondering what in the heck am I doing? I am sure that it is normal to question such a huge decision like this. Also to quit smoking at the same time, that is so tough. Don't give up on your band yet. It is still so new to you. I don't know who your surgeon is, but my surgeon stressed that this is not going to be quick fix. It is also going to be a learning process. There is, unfortunately, no set amount of fill that they can give to get you to your sweet spot. Just keep going to your doctor. It will get better. Keep coming on here. The people here are going through the same thing as you. Keep your chin up. You can do this. We can all do this. You came in this with hope. Don't give that hope up so soon. I wish you the best of luck.

[vsnowrn 0]

Michelle,

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way, I got banded real close to you on 08/21/08, and the weight loss is slow. I initially lost 15 lbs, and then had a huge stall for about 3 weeks, no more pounds gone, but after 3 weeks it started coming off again slowly. I haven't had a fill yet, my surgeon like to wait 6 weeks after surgery and I am scheduled on Friday for my first fill. I don't have much restriction, but I don't have an appetite either. I am still drink my Protein shake at least one a day and I eat those Protein Bars too. I was feeling very down when I was at my weight loss stall, I was thinking to myself I went through all this for 20 lbs, I am now down about 25 lbs, and I am finally understanding how slow this weight comes off. My question to you is have you lost any weight so far, it may be that you are in a stall, I felt very depressed after my surgery too, I just had to keep myself busy and try not to think about it. I was starting to think I was going to have to go back on my anti depressants, but I didn't want to so I sat it out and just kept busy. I am thinking you are at one of those terrible stalls, when the scale goes no where for weeks. It make us feel very bad, and triggers us for those comfort foods, and smokes. I would say don't give up yet, it is too early and you can do it, it is just a very slow weight lose. Good Luck to you

Veronica

[BeckyinTn 0]

Michele,

Hon, you are not alone! I know that it is tough right now and of course men being men they think we as women can't drive into town and back safely.

I gotta ask though where in the heck do you live? I live in TN too..65 miles south west of Nashville. Does your county have those transportation vans that can make the trip? If they do use it! That way you don't have to depend on dad or hubby!

Living with family is also an added stress on you! Even if it is your parents it is still not your own home! Been there! Done that! It stinks!

You seem to have alot going on right now and for that I am truly sorry!

Remember you can vent here anytime you feel like it!

[Tamihott 0]

Well I can definitely understand some of the emotions you are going through! I had surgery last Wed and have lots of questions about the outcome of the band. I wonder too if I should have taken such a drastic step. I know though I was born over 10lbs and have ALWAYS struggled with weight and am very committed to this process. I just want to get on with my new life already. I think your feelings are well justified, and maybe it is somewhat you, but it sounds to me like your "support" system is letting you down. Sounds like a sabotage to me. A good cry always seems to make things better, so let it out and remember tomorrow is a new day. Tamara

[cuddles_01au 0]

Michelle....**hugs**

hang in there it does and will get better....this is a long journey with many bumps along the way

Im 12mths banded and still have the occasional day like this...its normal...i know saying that doesnt really make things any better but as from the replies you can see many of us feel like this at times

Life can suck sometimes.....we have battled a long time with obesity and all the problems that go with it....then we make this change in direstion in our lives....we have to get through the preband time then post op time and then we start a whole diferent time handeling our new eating habits etc and in all of this....life goes on...we still have all the same worrie/burdens/stresses to continue to cope with

so n effect we have doubled the load on our shoulders....now many of our partners/friends/family simply dont see this....they have no comprehension at all.....they see us have surgery...and voila life will be instantly improved for us....ummmm..errr...no it isnt its then the hard work really begins...

so please be kind to yourself....allow yourself some sad time have a little cry....but then deep breathe....and hold your head high....make yourself smile....not easy but you can do it....then tackle the day one step at a time.....do what you can and dont be hard on yourself for what you dont do

the appt fiasco with the car sucks....but....dont get too bogged down by this....allow yourself to rant n be cross your entitled....but then move past it....not for the family's sake but for your sake....

You are worth a smile and you are worth being kind to yourself

I do hope your day gets better

Leeanne

Banded Sept 25th 2007

preband weight 130kgs

todays weight 69kgs

have lost 61kgs (134.2lbs)

[Jeni 85 0]

Ok im going to start off by saying that until you hit that sweet spot dont expect to lose any weight... It will take multiple fills before you get there so just be patient.

I'm going to take a stab at this but my guess is your an emotional eater... if that is true, than i can very much relate to you.. Everything was going good for me until last month... all the sudden i am struggling to keep myself away from sweets and trying to avoid the easy way out foods... The only reason i was doing so well was because i didnt have major stresses going on and i wasnt depressed.. But now im having a hard time losing and have been at a stand still for the past two months... I know this is only a temporary thing.. Im slowly teaching myself to learn where to find comfort other then food... the past week ive gotten much better.. instead of turning to sweets ill go for a walk or read a book or go to a friends house just to keep my mind off of sabatoging myself. Its a major bonus to talk about what your feeling with someone you trust .. it helps calm you down and are less likely to turn to the food..

Point of the story is that everyone hits a rough patch in the road sometime in thier lives... We are the type of people tht food was our friend and now that we cant turn to it anmore we are lost and dont know where to turn to...

We have to reprogram our brains to thinkin differently, and that takes time...

But dont worry in due time you will be successful. Tke baby steps.. I mean take me for example.. im a major emotional eater and look how far ive come...

I hope things get better for you... Something i always say to myself and sometimes helps me is "Always Stay Strong, Optimistic,Motivated and Keep on Moving!!"