Am I being mean and rude?

[ksill18 0]

I will be getting the band in November <fingers crossed> if all goes to plan. I am 31 years old, 6' 1" weigh 300lbs. My goal is to lose about 100lbs. My beautiful wife and mother of my 3 children is also 31 years old. Still looks beautiful but like many other women after giving birth has gained weight. She is 5' 9" and weighs 200lbs. Here is where I feel I maybe stuck my foot in my mouth and was rude to her but it was not my intention. I suggested that she also have the lap band done so we can take this journey together. Of course she was not very happy about that. I mean we have been together since we were 14, I have seen here at 18 when she had an AMAZING BODY :smile2: but at age 25 when we had our first child she started to pack on the pounds. She says she wants to lose it on her own but we have both tried that. I don't know......maybe men just don't get women sometimes..... HELP!!! :thumbup:

[Ariel 1]

yup you put your foot in your mouth. Your wife would not even qualify for LB at her weight.

[ksill18 0]

dang I am always doing that. But after 17 years of being together I guess she gave me a pass. I didn't do it out of malice. Just want her to be healthy.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Your BMI is 39.6 Hers is 29.5 Big difference. Is she UNhealthy?

If she isn't, your reasoning is a little bogus. You may owe her an apology!

[ksill18 0]

She has no medical conditions, but she, like me, is lethargic always exhausted and just "unhealthy". I did apologize but she, like me, has to lose weight. Heart disease in women is a huge problem. I want her around forever with me. she is the love of my life, only woman I have ever loved and been with. 9/24/91 is our 17 year anniversary since we were 14 years old.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

If you have 3 young children that may be why she's tired! LOL but talk to her and tell her what you've told us. As MY husband would say, can't hurt, might help!

[MacMadame 81]

She'll probably lose weight as you do just because she'll have to change her cooking to accommodate your band. (or if you do the cooking, you'll change.) Plus, as you start being more active, she may join you.

[Jodi_620 37]

Even if she qualified for the band, in order to work it would have to be something she wanted for herself.

I understand your concern for her health. I agree with MacMadame that with your lifestyle change maybe she will be able to get on a healthier track.

Weight is just a very sensitive subject for women and so you guys need to tread VERY lightly when going there! Encourage the healthy lifestyle and the weight loss should follow.

[Maincat 14]

There are so many possible reasons that people put on weight. Over eating, lack of exercise, medical conditions.. the list goes on.

I had a similar start point to you in terms of weight. My wife has also lost some weight as I have, without making the conscious effort to do so. My family have been wonderfully supportive on my journey. She certainly didn't need to lose weight, but says that she feels better for doing so.

Although your sentiment is worthy, you may have gone about it in the wrong way. If she is not unhealthy, has a normal range BMI, exercises etc, then I think leave her be. The motivation for losing weight has to come from the person him/her self.

[Bella1962 0]

Ya..you did...you stuck your foot in your mouth. I got one of those husbands too. But not to worry, after being together for so long she should know you and know what you meant.

I too have been with my husband since I was 14 and he was 15...we're celebrating out our 26th wedding anniversary in December and three kids, so all together we've been together for over 30 years. We're both overweight, and although he has supported me 100% in this choice, the choice is still mine. I would love for him to do this too, but he needs to be ready and by me opening my big mouth and trying to pressure him, it would only aggrevate him. She, as you, need to do this on her own accord. But if she feels strong enough that she can do it on her own just with diet and WITH YOU, then let her do it. Your experiencing it TOGETHER in a different way. I know my husband is looking forward to the diet part as he's going to eat as I do, just a little more of it. Surgery isn't for everybody.

Not to worry...just buy her flowers, jewellery, a car...whatever...men just need to think before they speak sometimes.....sheeesh. :thumbup:

[annecolorgreen 0]

Oh yes you are. Fortunately, she's forgiven you.

As you begin to lose weight, hopefully, you will spend more time playing with the kids and helping out with them. This will give her more time for herself and possibly energize her to be more active too.

I would suggest that at some point you start encouraging activities the family can participate in...without forcing your wife to join you. Also, cook in a healthy way for the family. If you don't already share in the cooking...start (take a class if you need to...or a couples class if you can find one!). Many diabetic centers or hospitals will offer healthy cooking classes.

Enjoy your experience...but don't throw it in her face.

I have not yet been banded--Oct. 22nd--my dh is over 100 lbs overweight too and I feel he will benefit from MY experience. I have four kids and we've been married for 23 years (married at 17). I was NOT overweight until my marriage and tried to keep up with my dh who was an athlete at the time. Now he is rarely active but we both still overeat.

~~anne

Edited September 19, 2008 by annecolorgreen

[CMTurner 0]

Those are the kinds of things you need to be telling her not "you need to have the surgery too (ie. you fatty). Most women are VERY sensitive to weight related comments (even the skinny women). Most have gotten the visual from practically everywhere (life, tv, print ads, etc.) that "the perfect body" is some rail thin version. I know some women have things figured out but, most will always have some sort of body image issues. Especially if that is something they have struggled with in the past.

Just tell her you love her and want her to be healthy and active and around for you and the kids for a long long time.

[sandy-sue 0]

Yes you really put your foot in your mouth, and gave your wife a kick too. I was in great shape when I was 18 too, after having three kids I put on the wieght. My husband never said anything like that to me. She is going to have to do it on her time she will some day. but when you said that I bet she thinks you don't like her body anymore.

My husband is very thin. He knows how you can get hurt by names too, but from the end of being really thin. We have been married for 27 years and love each other for the way we are. But I'm the one that wants a band. He is behind me all the way.

[robtyty 0]

Yup, I made the same mistake. I told my sister that I am getting the Lapband. She said great! I then told her that maybe we should do it together......she sarcastically replied "I DON'T NEED THAT!"

She really does.......she is waaaaay overweight...

Need to becareful when suggesting others are fat! Some people are in complete denial!

[Melolo 0]

Don't feel bad... if you've been together for that long I'm sure you've done a lot of things as a couple. You probably figured why shouldn't losing weight be any different. But you know what getting the Lap Band is something that an individual has to want for themselves. You probably came to the decision that you wanted the Lap Band and this is the tool that would help you on your journey. Well she believes she can do it herself. Be her support just like you want her to be your support. Make her believe that she can do it herself. If she doesn't succeed on her own then at least you can be an example of how the Lap Band can be an helpful tool in losing weight. JUST BE THAT SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND AND HAVE FUN EXERCISING AND EATING RIGHT TOGETHER! YEEEAAAH!:thumbup: