To tell or not to tell

[Irish10 0]

Tomorrow I start my process. I am afraid to let my coworkers know about my plans due to lack of support. I have a coworker and friend who weighs more than I do and does not agree with weight loss surgery. I have great support at home and from long term friends. Should I share my journey with my peers at work and deal with the comments behind my back or keep my journey to myself?

[RestlessMonkey 7]

It is totally up to you to tell or not! It's your business! I personally am a teller. I've even told total strangers. It amazes me how interested and nice everyone is about it! But I am in nursing school; a lot of my fellow students are more "up to date" on obesity in general and weigh loss surgeries than the general population. I've even told my friends on the WW chat board I frequent, and they have been WONDERFUL to me!

But we aren't all the same. If anyone fussed at me about it I could blow them off with not problem because honestly, I don't need their approval and wouldn't care if I didn't get it. I'm the one I'm trying to please, and that's the bottom line for me. If you want to keep it private or don't want to deal with any fallout if you have unsupportive responses, then don't tell!

[Melisa1 0]

It depends on how close you are to them. If they are close friends of yours that you work with...share and tell them you really need their support and encouragement. If you guys arent really friends and you feel tension in the air at work...dont tell...its none of their business. Thats just my personal opinion. good luck.

[Barbiek 0]

I wouldn't tell. I thought about telling people that I am close to at work, but decided not to. I didn't want anyone watching what I eat at work. I decided that I would wait until after my surgery to decide if I would tell or not. Once I had the surgery, I decided not to tell. I am very happy with my decision. I took time off and used vacation time, so nobody was suspicious. This was my personal choice. Good luck to you on your decision.

[lovegrapes 0]

The best advice I've ever heard is that you cant untell someone. You're early on in the game as well. If you're going to tell people I'd wait until your surgery date is imminent.

[marynascar 0]

The only person at work that I told was my supervisor and that was only because I needed her to know why I was taking time off here and there for the pre-op appts. She is discreet and I don't want my other co-workers (and there are many) to turn into food police. I used a weeks vacation time instead of sick time and as far as I know totally got away with it. My immediate family knows and that's all. Noboby elses business.

Mary

Lap Band Done August 19

22 Pounds Down Post-op

[tapshoes 2]

I chose not to tell anyone other than DH. Why? Because I did not want the endless questions: how much have you lost; can you eat that; etc. Nor did I want a bunch of 'monitors' watching every mouthful I took or the unsolicited comments one way or another on what I chose to do to my body.

[Lovingit 3]

Hi All,

I have not told anybody besides my brother and 2 close friends about this. And one of the close friends is no longer a close friend because of this. I had told her prior to teh procedure and she flew into a rage. From the list of all the insulting things she said to me some were...I am lazy i do not wish to make an effort... i am looking at an easy way out...I am a low self esteem person who will go under a knife to get approval...

I was very hurt I tried to explain to her that i have been fat all my life...and there is nothing that i have not tried...n i was 25 and i really wanted to look good....

but to no avail...well if my best frnd could think like that others would too...so i didnt tell nebdy...

I am very happy with the decision...I m happy with my band...its an aid not a magic pill...it just makes it manageable...i can diet better...n exercise shows me results...

I am glad i did this....

[Jodi_620 37]

I planned not to tell anyone but it just didn't turn out that way. Now pretty much everyone knows and I am fine with it, I have had no adverse reactions. At work, people saw that I was not eating solids and then saw that I was dropping weight and were curious. I am a lousy liar and just felt it was easier to just tell the truth. I don't regret it because number one, the people I work with are pretty mature and understanding. And number two, having those around me know about it gives me some accountability. But it is a personal decision, you know better than we do what type of people you work with. If they are the type that will talk behind your back and judge you then I would think that you wouldn't want them to know anything about your personal life. The same with family and friends.

Lovingit, I have to say that your friend was not much of a friend to treat you that way. A better friend would still support you even if she didn't agree with your decision...such a shame that people behave that way.

Edited September 16, 2008 by Jodi_620

[watermelon seeds 0]

Hey Irish and everyone else, I chose to tell some of my coworkers,family and church family. I already decided before I had the surgery that I did not mind telling people but I would be very firm and so short that they will know that the rest is none of there business if someone came to me with any negativity. I was so excited that I was making an awesome decision to get my life healthy that I did mind sharing. If someone ask me just curious questions then no prob but, if they seem mean the main thing that I say is it's not for everyone and it's a personal decision.

Stay strong and one thing I've learned is the people on this board we will be frank and truthful of all of our stories.Stay here and you find great comfort wether good or bad.

Goodluck!

Edited September 16, 2008 by NinaWoo

[cherko12 0]

I chose not to tell. It takes patience with the lap band. I had surgery June 23 and I lost all of my 24 lbs. during the liquid/mushy diet portion of recovery. I had my 2nd fill yesterday and am hoping to start losing weight again. What people don't understand is that this surgery requires patience. I don't want to be judged by those thinking this is like gastric bypass and weight loss is quick and furious. It will not be for lap band surgery. I was unable to follow the 1 cup rule after surgery. I didn't gorge myself but I was hungry. I ate the right things -- just too much. I haven't gained any of my weight back (which many people do during the time they are waiting for their correct fill). I didn't want to be judged by those watching me eat or wondering why I haven't lost more weight. I have several friends who had lap band surgery and I have heard my friends talk about what they are eating and why they haven't lost more weight. It can take a year to lose your weight or more and it just takes lots of patience...confirmed by my Dr. yesterday. My theorgy is that when I lose all my weight, then at that time I may share with them how I did it--but not till then. I just don't want to be judged...and you will be!

[Lovingit 3]

hi Jodi

thanks for your words..

i agree with you...

one more question u n i seem to have same start weight and same goal...

but i have been banded for longer than you....but i have lost only 50 pounds till date....

I know I am a slow loser ...but whoaaaa.....u r doing really good...

[KayVee 0]

I'm still in the insurance paperwork gathering stage and I intend to tell very few people. My boyfriend and daughter are around me all the time so they HAD to know. I only recently shared this with my very best friend, because I did need a voice of reason out there that I could bounce ideas off of. She was so wonderful, as I knew she would be, and is my biggest cheerleader so far. I don't want to share this with anyone else at this point or even after it is done. I think my reluctance stems from the fact that I feel like I am taking the easy way out. Deep down I feel like a failure for having to resort to surgery to get my weight under control. Weight Watchers has worked for me in the past, but it ALWAYS comes back, with a few extra friends. I, obviously, have not done the psych eval yet, I have esteem issues that need to be resolved I guess and well, telling just isn't in the cards for me right now. I plan to take time off as either vacation time or I will be having some other procedure done so no one at work will know.

I do believe that we each have the right to our privacy and should handle this in the manner that is best for each individual.

Kathi

[Jodi_620 37]

When were you banded Lovingit?

[aubrie 6]

While I will freely discuss it with strangers whom I will never see again, I do not discuss it with people at work. That is my private life, and I like to keep mine private. It's none of their buisness, and I'm not close enough to any of them to divulge that kind of information. BUT, we did have an office party once, and the guest of honor was to have bypass surgery the following day. I was invited to the luncheon, and didn't even know him.... It was wierd. I kept saying no, but several people kept telling me to come. I was unaware of his surgery. At the party, it was PUBLICLY ANNOUNCED that I had had surgery and it would be great if I could help this guy out with any questions or concerns he may have had. I had told NO ONE at work. I was LIVID!!! Even now that everyone knows due to one VERY rude and ill mannered individual, I still refuse to talk about it. If they want to chatter about me behind my back, let them, but I won't give them the satisfaction!