Turkey Day - at my house?!?!

[jmegirl 2]

My husband and I are newlyweds (May 10th, 2008) and this weekend we found out that his family expects us to host Thanksgiving at our house - you know, since we're the "newest part of the family", or some crap like that. Here's the snag - I'm getting my band exactly 21 days before Thanksgiving. :embaressed_smile:

Going to someone else's house for Thanksgiving and eating very little would have been tough, but I'd have managed. Now, not only will I have to eat the food, but I have to prepare it!!!!! Refusing to host Thanksgiving is pretty much out of the question. There's no excuse I could come up with short of death that would keep me out of the kitchen on that day.

So my question is - how do I handle this? What are some Thanksgiving dishes I can make that will fit into my Mushies Phase but won't be obvious? I think it sort of goes without saying that most of the people in attendance on Thanksgiving Day will not know about my surgery, so I need to make sure I don't draw any attention to myself.

Can I eat dark meat turkey (it's moister than white meat) during my Mushies Phase, as long as I chew it 30+ times before swallowing? I know I can eat mashed potatoes and apple sauce, but what else?

HELP! :cool2:

[Jodi_620 37]

Personally I wouldn't do it. But that is not what you asked.

You would have to puree the meat and other solid items in a blender...mushies means the food has to be the consistency of baby food. I wouldn't chance eating anything that is not pureed.

[HeatherO 7]

You will have to puree a couple of things. You might be able to have a little mashed potatoes and gravy.

If there is anyway you can get out of doing this, I would try. At 21 days out, you might find that you are hungry again and it will be an incredible stress trying to prepare a Thanksgiving feast that you can not partake in . . . 3 weeks out is very early.

[QuiltingBee 0]

You will have to puree a couple of things. You might be able to have a little mashed potatoes and gravy.

If there is anyway you can get out of doing this, I would try. At 21 days out, you might find that you are hungry again and it will be an incredible stress trying to prepare a Thanksgiving feast that you can not partake in . . . 3 weeks out is very early.

Jaime,

Since you are the new member in the family, the family should want to welcome you, your traditions and your style of entertaining as you instruct. To avoid stress, I would recommend you assign a dish to each person to bring. You roast the bird and clean the house before and aft, but make it easy and as stress free as possible. I also think it is a good idea that you tell your family about your surgery. This is time for support and understanding. If you don't tell them, they will wonder and jump to all the wrong conclusions. Also, if you tell them, they will probably offer to take the burden from you and help you through this time of recovery.

Barb

[ElusiveQuality 22]

Going to someone else's house for Thanksgiving and eating very little would have been tough, but I'd have managed. Now, not only will I have to eat the food, but I have to prepare it!!!!! :embaressed_smile: Refusing to host Thanksgiving is pretty much out of the question. There's no excuse I could come up with short of death that would keep me out of the kitchen on that day.

So my question is - how do I handle this?

Why are you accepting this situation? First off, regardless of whether or not you just had surgery I don't understand how someone else forces you to host a party for them. Second, you will have just had surgery and it's unrealistic for you to be working all day in the kitchen regardless if this was WL surgery or otherwise. Third, your relationship with food is going to change drastically and you will not be taking a regular seat at the familial gorging events.

I think you stated it best here:

or some crap like that

Yup, this is crap. I think you're worried too much about someone else's opinion and not your own.

I think it sort of goes without saying that most of the people in attendance on Thanksgiving Day will not know about my surgery, so I need to make sure I don't draw any attention to myself.

They don't know you're fat? You think they won't notice when you drop 70 pounds over the next five months and eat a third of what you do now? It just happened by magic diet dust? Start being honest with yourself and those around you. If they can't handle the truth, it's their problem. If they think there's something odd or strange about what you're doing, screw 'em. You need to be honest with you.

If you insist on hosting a Thanksgiving dinner, for goodness sakes have it catered in. You should be able to handle the potatoes and maybe some dark meat loaded with gravy.

Good Luck,

Cal

[HeatherO 7]

Be careful with choosing a pot-luck style option unless it is OK with the family dynamics. If it is tradition that the host handle everything, you might rock the boat uncomfortably for yourself down the road. Your hubby should know if this will fly or not.

If you tell everyone you are having surgery, of course they will understand and you will most likely not need to worry about T-day prep . . . but it should be your choice if you want to disclose it.

Personally if I were in that situation, I might have said that I needed to have surgery for a hiatal hernia repair (this was true in my case since I had the repair and band done at the same time) near T-day and I will not be sufficiently recovered in time to take on that responsibility. Of course you can cater it and/or enlist your new hubby to help, but it will be quite a stress and strain.

Whatever route you take, keep your health and well-being in mind . . . that is paramount to cooking for the new tribe.

[mnn2501 0]

You're having surgery 21 days before these jerks expect you to fix them a full Thanksgiving dinner?

I'd tell them no way and your husband needs to stick up for you. In fact he should be the one who tells them off.

[jmegirl 2]

Why are you accepting this situation? First off, regardless of whether or not you just had surgery I don't understand how someone else forces you to host a party for them. Second, you will have just had surgery and it's unrealistic for you to be working all day in the kitchen regardless if this was WL surgery or otherwise. Third, your relationship with food is going to change drastically and you will not be taking a regular seat at the familial gorging events.

I think you stated it best here: Yup, this is crap. I think you're worried too much about someone else's opinion and not your own.

They don't know you're fat? You think they won't notice when you drop 70 pounds over the next five months and eat a third of what you do now? It just happened by magic diet dust? Start being honest with yourself and those around you. If they can't handle the truth, it's their problem. If they think there's something odd or strange about what you're doing, screw 'em. You need to be honest with you.

If you insist on hosting a Thanksgiving dinner, for goodness sakes have it catered in. You should be able to handle the potatoes and maybe some dark meat loaded with gravy.

Good Luck,

Cal

Thanks for being so rude! No really, thanks! I came here for support but what I really wanted was someone to be rude and to criticize my personal choices.

First, you don't know my in-laws, or else you would understand why I can't politely decline the suggestion to have Thanksgiving at my house.

Second, my parents know I'm getting banded, but my husband's parents and grandmother don't know - and I plan to keep it that way, at least until they see the results. It's nothing they need to be worried or concerned about, so I don't want to stress them. Of course everyone knows I'm overweight, but that doesn't mean they'll understand or approve of my decision to have surgery. So my husband and I decided that we wouldn't tell them yet.

Lastly, and this is the important one - GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. Your post reeked of superiority and downright rudeness. How dare you criticize me in those ways? I came here for suggestions on what kind of foods I could cook that I'd actually be able to eat, and all you managed to do was belittle me and make me feel like everything is my fault. :embaressed_smile:

[ElusiveQuality 22]

Jaime,

Sorry if it bugged you, but a big difficulty of addictive behaviour is being honest with ourselves. Whether it's food or alcohol and food (in my case) addicts tend to torture themselves and put themselves in unpleasant situations for other peoples pleasures.

Everything I said to you applies to me. I've had the surgery, I've had to let family know, I've had to explain why I do and don't do things. You're right, I don't know your in-laws. All I know is you're scared to death of them. I think that's the problem, because you're willing to knock yourself out cooking dinner and then try to hide your surgery by eating a Thanksgiving dinner in front of them.

Just curious, why do you want to wait until the results show before telling them? Are you afraid the lapband surgery won't be successful?

There's tons of folks here who'll hold your hand and tell you to submit to other people's demands, be timid, be afraid to confront a problem. I'm from the other school. Stand up, be honest and I think a lot of those projected future worries you have will go away.

Cal

[ElusiveQuality 22]

Your husband needs to stick up for you. In fact he should be the one who tells them off.

Amen, sort of...

How about help explain the situation and not "tell them off". I really think there's a lot of projection going on here and that some honest sharing will go a long way.

Give the inlaws the chance to come through and be supporters.

Cal

[justmel1957 1]

Here's what I would do.............fill your plate with the things you CAN eat (mashed potatoes, a very loose, moist stuffing, and a blended sweet potatoe casserole (take off the topping). Put a few tabelspoons of non allowed food on your plate just to make it look full. eat what you can of the mushy items. Busy yourself with refilling everyones drinking glass, removing plates, serving dessert, etc.............(enjoy the creamy part of the pumpkin pie, or serve a pudding truffle). No one will notice and you'll be so stressed you wont have much of an appetite anyway.

Here's what I did last year just due to my schedule for cooking the turkey. I cooked it the night before. Cut it all up, and put it in a large pot. Cover the meat with canned broth and diluted turkey gravy. Put it in the frig overnight. The next morning, i heated it slightly in the over, then put the sliced meat in my crock pot for serving. Everyone thot it was the most moist turky they had ever had and all wanted the recipe. Enjoy!!

The decision to tell or not tell is totally yours...........do what you think is right for you.

Edited September 15, 2008 by justmel1957

[9pdmnm5 0]

Jaime~

I will be banded by Dr.K a month earlier. Woohoo! :cool2: So I obviously cannot help you with the food choices. However, I wanted to let you know that I am not telling a lot of people either. My parents know and 3 of my friends. That's it! Personally, I don't think its anyone's business, if you know what I mean. :w00t: A lot of people know I am having surgery but I told them its for something else. Lying...yes, but again not their business. My DH and I are not telling his parents. NO WAY! Yes, they will see me lose weight but what they don't know won't hurt them. :embaressed_smile: If you do not think you can get out of cooking and having Thanksgiving at your place, I may just tell them you aren't feeling well that day. Again, lying but I would rather that than get off to a bad start with my new in-laws. By the way, I think we can have mashed potatoes by that stage. So...I would leave it at mashed potatoes and applesauce. Hope this helps!

[1GirlNamedTiff 0]

You can do this!!! While cooking eat a very strong mint to keep you from picking. The mushy food suggestions are great, and do your best to enjoy the event. I would consider it an honor that they are trusting you with this family event. I am with you only my immediate family knows i had surgery and it is going to stay that way. I am not lying i am just telling people i am working hard a getting healthy!!! I took a few days off work for some me time and that is all they need to know. Take care and just remember like the whole lapband thing you can do this to!!! Take Care!:embaressed_smile:

[JeepGal 0]

Justmel has it exactly right. Put stuff you can eat (mashed potatoes, yams, stuffing with tons of gravy, Jello salad, soups) on your plate and if anyone questions why you don't have a lot or why you didn't eat it all, just say you've already been snacking all day. :embaressed_smile: I know this is how my thanksgivings usually went anyway before my band. LoL

I personally wouldn't blend any food. That would cause more questions you might not want to answer. People don't really watch what you eat as much as you think they might. On first dates I ALWAYS get stuck, so usually I push my food around on the plate and take bites with little or no food on the fork. Not one guy has noticed yet. hehe

You do need to tell your husband that this is 21 days after a major surgery and he MUST help you out. He's going to be your personal do bitch for the day, but that's what it is! :cool2: hehe I don't know if I would have been up for hosting a thanksgiving day feast, but you can do it!

I wish you the best of luck!

Oh and DO NOT eat something that isn't okay for you to eat. Not letting your in-laws know you had surgery isn't worth the risk of hurting your stomach or making your band slip.

Happy Turkey Day!!

[rodriguezequal 3]

I agree with the "rude one" lol. Maybe if your in laws knew about your surgery they wouldn't expect you to do all that work. Your husband needs to step up and be a man and tell them that you are not ready to do Turkey Day at your house. If you're still in the mushies stage by then, you're allowed anything you could eat if you didn't have any teeth. Stick to it...it really is worth it. Hold your head high and be proud of the steps you have taken to lose weight and improve your health!!! You should treat your in laws like your own parents, because they're your family now and you should be able to tell them things too!!! Be strong...stand up for your decision and let them know, give them paper work on it so they know how safe it is! Good luck