I am so upset!

[allielee 263]

Ok so I need a little help here. I am beside myself and just want to go eat eat eat. Which is why I needed the lapband in the first place. When I was 12 my father sexually abused me and was arrested. My mother took him back and sent me to live with my grandparents. He ended up losing his job and the whole family moved in with my grandparents and I ... the sexual abuse stopped but the physical and emotional abuse began. In both my parents eyes I was the temptress.. the bad seed.. I started doing drugs to escape my life and eventually moved out with friends. I tried to keep a relationship with my parents because they wouldn't let me see my younger brother and sister unless I did. Now 20 + years later I found the courage about 3 years ago to end my relationship with my parents and only see them at my nieces and nephews birthday partys. It is always awkward and they pretend as always that nothing happened.. My problem is this.. I have a party to go to this weekend and just the thought of seeing them makes me ill and I just want to eat eat eat. I know that my relationship with them has been the crux of all my weight issues.. the crazy thing is I wanted nothing more than to have them love me like a daughter.. and I tried last year to work it out. But my mother refuses to take any responsibility for her actions. I need her to in order to get past this. I have two teenage daughters and there is nothing or nobody that I would put before them and their safety. I just don't understand at all. I am so frustrated and have no idea what to do or where to turn.

[newimage 2]

I am so sorry for your suffering. Is there anyway to see about counseling? Maybe that would help you. Any help is better than none. Stay focused...we're here for you. Remember, you had the lapband done for a reason...for YOU. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless!!!

[SaraJaneQ 0]

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. My story is MUCH milder than yours - I was sexually abused by a neighbor that my parents used to leave me with as a caretaker, and my mother just refused to acknowledge it. We moved away in middle school and I have since dealt with that situation, but there was a lot of anger and upset there for a while.

We all work differently, and I can't possibly tell you what to do or how to handle it. But I can tell you this. Remember that YOU are you. You need to love you first. Your parents are flawed people and perhaps not worthy of your love. But that does not mean you should punish yourself. You should be proud of yourself for taking control of your life and losing the weight. Clearly, you have the strength to do this without them. Don't let them ruin what is good for you. And if you do comfort eat a little, FORGIVE yourself. It happens. I am sure that it happens to all of us from time to time. Get through this rough time, and move on!

[ambraberger 0]

I was sexually abused by my "preacher" step father. My mom chose to be in denial about it. Didn't leave him. After she divorced him 17 years later made sure to tell me it wasn't because of what happened to me. Thanks mom. Anyway. Life sucks. I love my mom to death. It's hard to deal with. I have 3 boys, I think God knew what he was doing giving me boys. And I am like you. Nothing would get in the way of protecting my kids. I don't understand why our moms couldn't protect us. Counselling/therapy definately helps. Takes time though. As for the short term, to get through today, don't be too hard on yourself. Slow deep breaths. You've been dealt some hard blows. You've taken good steps, for you. You're and adult and you can choose. Do you have to go to the party? It's not fair that you have to choose. But maybe right now, you should skip it, until you can get some help. It's ok. There's help out there, and believe me it does help. It's not easy though. Take care of yourself. And you're not alone in going through this garbage.

[Melolo 0]

Hi,

I'm so sorry that you had to experience such a horrible act in your life. Not only that you still have to come face to face with it in your adult life. Plus have people that you feel should protect you from any and everything be the abuser (father) and the one that doesn't beleive you(mother)... how horrible. I can't even pretend to know your pain. But I can congratulate you for trying to live your life to the fullest by surviving, thriving, and improving your life in areas you deem necessary. Good for you for trying to reach out to your parents in order to have some kind of relationship. But if it ever comes to the point where you're compromising your health and happiness in order to make everybody else happy then you may need to examine the situation to see if it's worth the sacrifice. I agree with the earlier post... Is it necessary for you to attend the same events especially if you know your parents are going to be there? Is it worth you not being a 100 percent wife or mother to the people that matters the most in your life? I know that I'm not willing to have anyone including family in my life if they prohibit me from being a happy and healthy mother to my son. Another thing is if you've forgiven your parents in your heart then sometimes that is enough to give you peace of mind to move on with your life and embrace and enjoy your life to the fullest. I wish you the best.

Edited September 12, 2008 by Melolo

[allielee 263]

Thanks for all your kind words.. I guess I was freaking out and regretted posting it as soon as i did. But I made it through the party. I definetly had to go.. My nieces and nephews have no idea what happened and I refuse to disappoint them. It was ok I just avoided my parents and played with the kids. Its amazing how something so little as a birthday party can throw me into a tailspin.. every other day of my life I am doing great but stuff like that throws me back to being a kid and vulnerable. I appreciate you all.

[ambraberger 0]

Good for you! Just 1 day and 1 thing at a time. Like I said previously, I've been there. And it's rough. Over and over. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. :thumbup: ... Take care!