Should I keep this to myself?

[Mrsace13 0]

I'm so excited about attending the seminar on 9/17 so I told a couple of co-workers and wow, I wish I would have just kept it to myself. My good friend had bypass and is so happy, I want to be happy and healthy like her. My co-workers started on me how I could just do it on my own and one has known me for 6 years and knows I can't. I just let them talk and kept quiet. Then at lunch I went for 2nd's and there she went telling me how if I just didn't eat so much I could lose weight, again, I didn't say anything.

Now I don't want to tell anyone else or my family. I don't want to hear neg remarks when I'm so happy to get started. I'm not even sure my insurance will approve me and I'm stressing over that already, I don't need to have people trying to talk me out of it.

[Puju10 0]

Like you I'm very open about it and most people who know me know I've tried evertything. I'm 41 yrs old and things are starting to hurt because of my weight. I don't care what anyone says negative I'm so excited about my decision I tune them out. You just stay excited! Theres always going to be someone negative out there F... em!!

[Minxz 0]

I am in the works of getting banded but I am not comfortable with telling people. Most just don't understand. Skinny people think its just an easy way out cheating per se and a lot of heavy people take it as a personal criticism and start talking about defacing your body. (at least that is my experience)

Of course not everyone feels that way and a lot of it is a matter of education. The thing is I don't have the time or energy to educate everyone. I have made a big decision after doing copious amounts of research and talking to people who have made the same decision its still daunting and I don't have the emotional energy to put up with everyone negative opinions.

Bottom line is I am obese... I have tried dieting for 10 years and I just keep gaining. I need help. The lapband hopefully is the tool I need to tip the balance.

Umm anyway in answer I have only told 3 people. My husband, Mother and Sister. After educating them they are being supportive.

[Shauna80 0]

I'm not telling people unless they are close friends or family, and trust that they aren't judging me. People are so quick to judge without understanding. I feel its none of their business...and when I start dropping weight...its because I've been working out and eating right...thats all they need to know. People are ignorant, and fear competition by nature...they are more worried about your succeeding and looking better than they do! Keep it to yourself and tell others who you TRUST!!! And enjoy getting skinny!

[KyBandChick 3]

I am a chatty girl, but I am keeping this to myself. I am in process of getting approval and don't want to really say much about the process until I know when it is happening. Even once I have a date I'll probably stay mum until I am comfortable telling people other than my close friends and family

The great thing about this website is there are tons of people to chat about the process with

[themis 0]

Well, this is a surgery and not everyone needs to know. It is your business. You want people to know that will be supportive. If they are critical of you now, they probably aren't going to be supportive. Some people are also jealous. Misery loves company. Maybe they're afraid you'll look better than them... who knows.

This is really a personal decision, some tell everyone and some, like me, tell very few. Even my mom doesn't know. Only one of my kids knows. That's only because she came by when I was still recovering at home.

My bf and 2 friends that don't live near me knew. I'm more about my band buddy that had her surgery last year and with the same doctor as me. You'll get more support from your band buddy than you will anyone else. They've been through it and they will understand.

[health4life 0]

There were a select few I told. It had to be people I trust won't tell and those I knew would support me. I chose not to tell my parents because my Mom is a worry wart and she would have been a mess prior to surgery. I didn't want her to have that worry. Now, after surgery, I still don't think it necessary to tell them. I'm o.k. I told 1 of my brothers, a girlfriend who wants to have the LB done too, my godsister, my daughter and of course my biggest supporter, my HUBBY. So far, so good.

[Mrsace13 0]

That is true, when my friend who was 270 got bypass and I was on Weight Watcher's, eating right, working out like crazy and watching her lose weight. To be honest, I hated it, I wanted to be losing like her. I hated visiting her knowing she was looking so much better than me and buying new clothes while I started gaining my weight back. People do not want to see you looking better than them, I hate that she looks better than me, lol. She is a size 6 while I'm a 18, not fair!!

Everytime I'm with her she is so excited and happy. I remember us being on the ship and she had to take breaks going up and down the stairs. We would have to move to the side to let people pass so she could catch her breath, now, those people better move out of her way and she is 50 years old!!

So we talk about it a lot and she has made me really check into this and I am really close with my co-workers so I was kinda shocked when they started in on me. I have been on or off or starting a diet for about 15 years now and I'm at my heaviest, something isn't working for me, I need a new tool. Of course they hear the stories of bypass and people gaining it back, well, I'm sure more keep it off than gain it back.

Brings me to a question, if you start to gain and you have the band, can't you start fresh and start losing again?

Thanks, I think I'm not telling anyone. I need to get approved before I start telling anyone anyway. My teen girls and my husband are by my side and that is all I need. Haven't told my oldest son yet, he is skinny, lol.

[luluc 6]

i didn't tell anyone (hubby banded w/me) till after several months & still only my parents and brothers know. i didn't want any watchful eye, or negative comments & my husband is very private. and boy and am i glad i bit my tongue (and i'm a chit chatty type) because i was SLOW out of the gate. i had to concentrate on a diet & exercise program, and i can get easily distracted by ugly comments so - i really in the beginning just got obnoxiously focused. because the weightloss has come in the steady 1/2lb per wk - telling those who wonder what i did .. saying diet & exercise is Not a lie. if you want to be private, it's completely doable!!! if ya want to shout it out - go ahead, knowing there will be the food police and watching of every move/meal... it's just a personal choice on which you do!!

[RestlessMonkey 7]

I've told everyone (honestly almost everyone) and people are supportive and interested. Even strangers...the other day during clinical I had to go into a lunchroom to get my Protein and told the lady (didn't know her from Adam) who was eating "Man that smells good" and she told me "It's South Beach" and I said "hmmm, I have the lap band and once I'm healed I may try those!" and she kept me for 20 minutes asking questions etc!

Sorry you're getting negative vibes. I am pretty strong willed and have a healthy ego so I guess those who know me really well wouldn't try to stop me unless they had good hard data.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Oops hit send too soon. They know I've researched it and decided it was best for me....You might tell your naysayers something similar...

[magaines 0]

Sorry to hear that some people are so negative. I only told a few people, actually only my children (all adults). Since my surgery I have told more people, was forced to while out for supper one evening on vacation visiting family, but they were all good with it too. It has been going on 3 months and I still haven't told anyone at work, they know that I had surgery but not what for. Not that I care if they know it just isn't really any of their business.

[vzghj3 0]

It's all a personal choice. Unless you don't care if the whole world knows, be careful on who choose to tell. And be aware that if you tell someone in confidence, that they will more than likely tell someone else. This is why i chose not to tell no one except my husband and I didn't even want to tell him, but someone had to take me to surgery...LOL. Which backfired on me because he had to go out of town for business at the last minute. I had my 18 year old daughter take me to the hospital and I just told her it was for some female stuff. She had no clue! I told the surgeon just to let her know that surgery went well when I was done and not to be specific about the procedure. Even my employer did not know. There are privacy laws, so don't think you have to tell them the details. Alls you need to state is that you need to be out for medical reasons, you don't even have to say it is for surgery. That's what i did and then I only had to discuss it with CIGNA and they approved my leave and payment. And as far as people noticing that I am loosing weight. I just comment that I'm excercising and cutting my food in take, which is the truth.

Edited September 12, 2008 by vzghj3
additional comment

[di1138 8]

I learned the hard way myself! My own sons were against it. The are better now that they see me losing. I did not tell my own Mother because I knew she would be judgmental. I know my best friend would be supportive and she was. But outside of my kids and BF I told no one. Someone had posted that they told everyone that she had a hernia operation. I thought that was a good idea and that is what I did. You must do what is right for you. Don't listen to them! Good luck!

[Cynthia5 0]

I told everyone too and I still do! I was at an Ave store and had a group of 4 women listening to me share my journey and about the lapband!:drool:

I had the naysayers, some within my own family, but man after all I had done to lose weight and fight this up hill battle - I think it takes guts to make this decision and I think we are brave, not one of us is thinking this is a *magic bullet*...but that is what *they* think we are thinking, but they are ignorant of the truth and it is up to us to tell them the truth.

My brother said to me that if it *just* makes you eat less why cant you do it on your own? I said to him that my body for one has several real issues that actually make weight an issue. 1) PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome or disease) 2) pre-diabetic/insulin resistant 3) underactive thyroid 4) and other female related issues including having 12 breast tumors that resulted in a dbl mastectomy 2 1/2 yrs ago. These are hormonal issues that definitely contribute to the female body holding onto our weight. And because of that my body aint doing the math (drop 500 calories form the amt of calories it takes to maintain your current weight x 7= 3500 which =1 pd lost) and because it aint doing the math it is demanding that I eat way less than I have the ability to, and if that makes me weak to you, so be it, YOU try eating what my body demands and lets see how well you can do it! I can admit I need this tool, because I journaled my food for 4 yrs and realized that someone shouldnt HAVE to be perfect to lose weight, but my body was demanding that, so I knew something else was hindering my weight loss.

I think we each have to decide within ourselves what and when we share, but no matter what our personal decisions are to share or not, I would encourage every single one of us to KNOW that we are making amazing, bold and courageous decisions that we should be proud of...what we have to go thru to get to this point aint been a picnic and anyone who thinks it has been or that this is the *easy way out* is bonkers, besides being ignorant.

Here is to another pound,one ounce at a time! Cuz it all adds up and matters! :tt2: