Too Much To Handle?!?!

[Jeni 85 0]

Ok I'm going to start off by saying this is a long post, Because i have a lot on my mind.. So please bare with me.

First of all, My brother was a drug addict about 5-6yrs ago... At that time i was 16-17yrs old and had to be the strong one in the family and bottled up everything inside because i didnt want my mother to see me fall apart in fear that it would make her fall apart even more.. I stayed strong help my mother and brother through everything and always was supportive to both of them. What i turned to at that time of stress was food and sweets in order to suppress my emotions..

My brother recovered and stayed clean for 5 yrs, his life was starting to fall into place and so was mine.. I thought i finally got my food addiction under control and emotions as well.. I got my band, the weight was coming off i got a full time job and am a fulltime student working in getting my Nursing degree.

But this joy was short lived, unfortunately my brother had recently relapsed and returned to his old ways; and once again i find i am back in the same place of having to be the strong one.. I really dont think i can handle this again, but i know i have to do it for my mom. My mom needs all the support she can get, especially now since she has hypertension (high blood pressure) and high cholesterol.. Its basically a stroke waiting to happen..

Naturally, i want to turn to food as comfort, but i know i cannot.. Im trying my hardest not to give in, but its so difficult..

I figured i could turn to my fellow bandsters for some support..I just dont know what to do anymore.. I am having a hard time sleeping, little rest is making it hard for me to concentrate at work and school.

Im just so upset at myself i thought i finally conquered the emotionional and psychological issues of eagting but found out that they were only temporary... I am also starting to put myself down again and thinking im a failure... :redface:

Any advice would be greatly appriciated from everyone on here..

Thanks for taking time and reading this,

-Jeni M.

[SanDiegoPhotog 0]

Jeni,

I have to tell you this . . . having been the "strong" one in the family myself for far too many years and dealing with family members and their addictions, you are letting your family have far too much control over your life.

I would suggest some counseling and preferably with someone who is greatly experienced in the realm of counseling the family members of alcoholics and other addicts. It can be a tremendous burden if we don't face our own fears, stop taking care of others so we can take care of ourselves, and start putting ourselves first.

Best wishes.

[thesuse2000 698]

Wow - that's a lot of difficult stuff you're dealing with - with your worry about your mom probably tripling your stress/concern about your brother.

I'm not sure what to say... there's obviously no easy answer in terms of the stresses you're dealing with. I don't know you, but I can see that you've done a tremendous amount of work on improving your self and your health - just try to remember how strong you are and also how important you are.

I totally understand that you are committed to your family, but you won't do anyone else any good by mistreating yourself. Choose to take care of yourself - by not overextending yourself, and by giving yourself the foods that will make you feel better physically and emotionally.

If you make sure to take care of yourself you will probably be able to better take of others as well. Most importantly - don't beat yourself up if you have a weak moment - or series of moments - remember to be kind to yourself.

I wish you all the best.

Edited September 9, 2008 by thesuse2000

[Jess1982c 0]

Jeni,

You have gone so far to help yourself, do not turn on yourself now. Look at all that you have accomplished. You have lost over 100lbs! THAT IS AMAZING! I am waiting for insurance approval right now and I look up to people like you, who have done so well and turned their lives around. You are such a great role model for those of us out their still struggling.

I understand your family is going through a lot right now, but I agree with the the previous person that responded to your message. Please talk to a counselor or even your doctor.

I do think you should be there for your family during these difficult times, but please do not forget that you need to take care of yourself as well, I'm sure you were like me and many of us that would feel guilty or physically bad after you ate what you knew you shouldn't have. And we all know that it becomes a slippery slope. It will be much harder for you to help your family if you are not well yourself. You will be the most helpful to them if you are healthy, and mentally and emotionally stable.

How about instead of turning to food, you go outside and take a walk or a run until you can't anymore. It will do wonders for your body and will clear your mind, which is what you really need right now during this tough time.

I'm here if you ever need to talk.

Jessica K.

Edited September 9, 2008 by Jess1982c

[skinipete 0]

Jeni - find your Mom & you a support group for loved ones of addicts. This is not something you should bear & your Mom needs other Moms who have gone thru the same thing. Good luck sweetie.

[billfresh 0]

alanon i believe is the support group for families of addicted individuals. they specialize in the sort of psychological support you most likely need. i have no experience with this. i do know others that went this route and it was helpful. find a chapter or google them.

like they say during the flight safety instructions on airplanes....before assisting others with their oxygen masks, 1st make sure your own is securely in place. you can't help others if you don't ensure your own survival. sometimes in life we MUST put ourselves 1st for the good of all. sounds like that might be the case here. good luck and God bless.

[MtnCat 0]

Wow!! Your success in losing weight is VERY impressive. Please don't let the stress of this situation cause you to relapse. As others have suggested, get your Mom and go to a support group and/or counseling. That is the biggest treat you can give yourself at this time.

What many people don't realize is that overeating is an addiction, just like alcoholism or drug addiction. And it is much worse in many ways - you can stop drinking and stop using drugs but you need to eat to survive. As the child of an alcoholic I grew up escaping the stress of family life with food. My father has been sober for 24 years now - but I am still struggling with my addiction to food. It has taken me years of counseling and group therapy to get to the point where I was ready to make the committment to lose weight.

You have come way too far to relapse now. You are almost at your goal.

[newimage 2]

You need to take care of yourself first before you can help others. Your brothers addiction is his own. Advise him where to get help. If he doesn't listen, then let it be. As for mom, I'm sure she knows how to take care of herself. She's a grown woman. I'm not saying to not be there for her, but she may be stronger than you think.

She is the mother, not you. I hope everything works out and God Bless!

[Susie Girl 75 0]

Ok I'm going to start off by saying this is a long post, Because i have a lot on my mind.. So please bare with me.

First of all, My brother was a drug addict about 5-6yrs ago... At that time i was 16-17yrs old and had to be the strong one in the family and bottled up everything inside because i didnt want my mother to see me fall apart in fear that it would make her fall apart even more.. I stayed strong help my mother and brother through everything and always was supportive to both of them. What i turned to at that time of stress was food and sweets in order to suppress my emotions..

My brother recovered and stayed clean for 5 yrs, his life was starting to fall into place and so was mine.. I thought i finally got my food addiction under control and emotions as well.. I got my band, the weight was coming off i got a full time job and am a fulltime student working in getting my Nursing degree.

But this joy was short lived, unfortunately my brother had recently relapsed and returned to his old ways; and once again i find i am back in the same place of having to be the strong one.. I really dont think i can handle this again, but i know i have to do it for my mom. My mom needs all the support she can get, especially now since she has hypertension (high blood pressure) and high cholesterol.. Its basically a stroke waiting to happen..

Naturally, i want to turn to food as comfort, but i know i cannot.. Im trying my hardest not to give in, but its so difficult..

I figured i could turn to my fellow bandsters for some support..I just dont know what to do anymore.. I am having a hard time sleeping, little rest is making it hard for me to concentrate at work and school.

Im just so upset at myself i thought i finally conquered the emotionional and psychological issues of eagting but found out that they were only temporary... I am also starting to put myself down again and thinking im a failure... :biggrin:

Any advice would be greatly appriciated from everyone on here..

Thanks for taking time and reading this,

-Jeni M.

Jen,

You and I are in similar places in our lives and it looks like were both in Chicago. I too have a brother that was/is and addict and I have been dealing with that for over 10 years now and it's not a easy road. Although I haven't lost the amout of weight you did (I was only banded this past july), I think we might have more in common than you think.

Feel free to pm me, I'd love to talk more with you off line.

[Jeni 85 0]

Thank you everyone or your kind words...

Im going to see my dr. next friday to talk about and hopefully get some sleep aides, so i can finally get some much needed rest.. and maybe some suggestions on where to go to get some help, to talk to someone.. (especially since my "best friend" is absent)

I realize i need to take care of myself but sometimes, i need to be reminded..