Much harder the second time around...

[Sades 4]

Sades, you are right, about expressing feelings, getting it all out, and it's not really how we are feeling most of the time. I really don't feel hopeless most of the time either. I know this weight will come off again. I just wish it hadn't happened right when I'm supposed to go visit family that have seen me lighter. urgh.

That would be the most frustrating part for you Linda because people make such a fuss about how much we've lost. I know one of my sister's asks every time she sees me how much more have I lost and I hate having to say that I haven't lost any more. That's why I felt like such a failure the first time around (thank heavens it wasn't something I did wrong).

Anyway, Linda, hold you head up when you see your family because you have achieved so much and even though you've put on a little, they probably won't notice and if they do, I'm sure they'll understand.

[bandpal 7]

This thread asks a crucial question: now that we have been banded, how do we deal with the stressors which caused us to eat emotionally - especially when our band is working less than optimally.

This question is very important to me because I don't want to gain back all of the weight I have lost since having been banded. My band, as I see it, is a temporary intervention. It will not (and does not, as we all have experienced) always operate at top performance, and one day, months or years from now, it will leak or or open or otherwise malfunction (as we have already seen in the cases of Shortgal and Sades). Will I be physically, mentally or financially ready and willing to undergo another procedure? Until then, I have to regard this period as a valuable "time-out", a pit-stop in which to reshape my life, unlearn bad habits and learn new ones which will sustain me for the rest of my life (and, after losing nearly 100 pounds in nine months, hopefully I'll have many, many more years to concern myself with than I ever thought possible).

With this in mind, I'd like to address some of the issues raised here:

1. mariegabrieleee wrote: "I try anew everyday and fall back... It’s about getting you mind to stop turning to food when times are hard, or your sad. It’s about breaking old habits, but they are so hard to break. I can’t seem to end this love hate relationship I have with food."

Thank you, mariegabrieleee. That is a painfully honest description of what my life used to be like before the band. I hope I never go back to it. It's so hard to break those habits, that love-hate relationship. For me, the band has made it easier:

a) I am less hungry, so the emotional stress isn't accompanied my the hunger pangs which made binging so irresistable for me. Over time, as I eat less and my stomach shrinks, I hope this trend will increase.

:thumbdown: When I binge with the band, I can eat nowhere near what I used to. Sades alluded to this when she said, "I know the band will help combat some of that [cycle] because it is impossible to pig out on a full pizza ...". This is another thing the band has done for me: redefine my food choices and my general sense of limits. Many of my binge foods are inedible for me now. Those which I can eat, I fill up on much quicker than I used to. Maybe, maybe this redefinition will become permanent, and (even when the band is not at its best) I will not remember the many times when I ate an entire pizza pie (I bet I would have left you in the dust, my dear Sades).

For years I tried to confront my emotional eating unsuccessfully, I now believe that one of the reasons why I always, always failed was that I ignored the physical component that the band is now addressing. I'm just not as hungry as I used to be. For as long as the band lasts, even when it's only kicking in partially, there is a muffler around the engine inside of me that constantly roared, "FEEEEED MEEEEEE!!!". That opens the door for time, and reflection, and change. I wish this for you, mariegabrieleee. If I can do it sometimes, you can too.

2. Linda, I very much identified with your feelings about meeting your family after your difficult period with food. Still, I believe that this stressor is something that we have to use this time to come to grips with, because otherwise it's going to knock us right back on our a--es, and after we gain all our weight back, they'll have even more to talk about. Think of how ironic it is: these are the people who know us and love us best, and whom have seen us wrestle with our food demons for decades. Seeing you heavier despite your efforts should be no surprise at all for them, if you think about it, and the only decent response they should have is compassion, acceptance and encouragement. I hate to say it, but I think there is something in the dynamic of many families (mine as well) that makes people actually want to see our efforts fail, because it reasserts the status quo and means that others do not have to confront their own problems because they'll probably fail just like you, so lets just watch some more reruns on TV.

But all of that is never going to change - only we can. We have to stop suffering from performance anxiety, as if every family event was a circus and we were the trained seals. Ultimately, my current weight is only important as it is to me, and if other people seem to care about it so much, then either they have problems (possible) or I am projecting my own concerns and insecurities on to theirs (more than likely). If it's not important to me, then however important it is to them, how important can it be? If I'm in the right place, then someone else obsessing about my weight is going to be as funny as a car owner in my garage going on about what he thinks the problem is while I know what the problem is. I hope you enjoy your time with your family, Linda. If you need me to keep them in line, just give me a call.

3. Finally, one more thing - Linda, I think that if "the one thing [you] will do until I get the right fill is WATCH what I eat and do some form of exercise every day", then you are trying, alot more than you or most of us did before we were banded. I share you feeling of having "knocked [your]self out for ten years and... only got[ten]... fatter." But I have to remember that the band makes me different than I was before, and I have been more successful at "diet (there, I said the dreaded word) techniques" like counting calories and weighing and measuring than ever before, including all the failed years in WW and OA. I have more good days than bad ones, which is exactly the opposite of the way things were before. Whatever you do, Sades was right on the money when she said, "hold you head up... because you have achieved so much".

Guys, this emotional overeating leads millions of people into the jaws of depression, misery, ill health and death every day. It is a tyrant that only tightens its vise as we get older. We have had a miraculous escape, and all that's left for us is to do as much as we can to ensure it's not a temporary one. Lets try to find the solutions that work for us, and share them with each other. I apologise for a ridiculously long post.

Edited September 2, 2008 by bandpal

[lindata 1]

Bandpal - you are too true - with everything!! You're like our resident band guru! I agree that this band is probably going to be temporary. I'm just waiting for the day something bad happens to it that I have to have it removed. I was so scared that night when I was throwing up the whole time, I was sure I had a slipped band or something was wrong with my stomach.

About the family - it's still going to be hard to face them with my gain, but still I have lost a lot of weight, and I'm actually quite happy at the weight I am at now. I need to remind myself of that, and how proud of myself I actually am, rather than the few pounds that I have gained (which I know will come off again anyway!) People no longer look through me like I'm invisible. I am part of the human race again, and that's really all I wanted. I would honestly be happy at the weight I am right now even though I'm technically "overweight".

I am so glad that you are able to fight and conquer the old demons - your head is wrapped around this banding process really well. Unfortunately mine has not. Of course that is ultimately what I wish - that I could get my head around it. The band forces me to eat smaller amounts, but if I ever lost the band completely right now I'd be sunk. And that's what needs to happen, to get my head in the game before I do lose the band. I'm hoping and praying that once my fill level is good, and it is good for a prolonged period of time so that I'm forced to eat properly, then I will get out of the bad habits I have always had. I've done it before - gone for long times without eating the junk, but once that food passes my lips it's a downhill spiral. I'm not the type of person who can allow myself to have one little bite of chocolate a day (like my friend can!). If there is anything in the house, it is consumed at a rapid pace! This is what I need to get over.

[bandpal 7]

Bandpal - you are too true - with everything!! You're like our resident band guru!

Ahh, gimme a break...

About the family - it's still going to be hard to face them with my gain, but still I have lost a lot of weight, and I'm actually quite happy at the weight I am at now. I need to remind myself of that, and how proud of myself I actually am, rather than the few pounds that I have gained (which I know will come off again anyway!)

You should be proud and happy - you have worked hard for the progress you have made, and we are all witnesses to it here. Don't give anyone the power to humiliate you, even the people you love (I'm not saying this is easy...)

I'm hoping and praying that once my fill level is good, and it is good for a prolonged period of time so that I'm forced to eat properly, then I will get out of the bad habits I have always had.

I know you can do it! Whatever works... believe me, I'm still grappling with my own food issues, and slowly am starting to see more good days than bad ones.

Edited September 2, 2008 by bandpal

[cindyg1212 0]

Linda, why does anyone in your family need to know if you've gained? I'm sure 5 pounds isn't obvious to anyone but you. If anyone asks, just say that everything is going the way it's supposed to. My extended family thought I would lose at the rate of someone who had gastric bypass. I spent a few minutes educating the ones I care about that the band helps me lose at a healthy pace unlike bypass surgery. The weight will come off in its own time and I will be able to keep it off. Once that was understood, the questions stopped.

You've lost a lot of weight! Weight loss slows down at this point regardless of the method used. I can't imagine anyone thinking anything other than how great you must look.

Edited September 2, 2008 by cindyg1212

[lindata 1]

Bandpal - I will not give you a break! You are the man, the guy, one rad dude, totally!!

Cindy - thank you for your kind words!

Sades - what an awful on-line friend I am. Let's get back to the original post - how are YOU doing? Are you managing to get back on track with eating/exercising? Are you hanging on by the skin of your teeth or is it easier? Are your fills finally working? I noticed you totally ROCKED this month with the weightloss challenge.

[Momto1plus1 0]

Hey Sades I think that once you start getting some restriction everything will fall into place. It might take you a few fills, but girl you are doing so awesome. I'm so proud of you!!!

[hollyberries 2]

Hi all my wonderful Nymph friends. I am struggling at the moment, just can't seem to get motivated. Even though I have managed to keep my weight off (I haven't weighed myself since last Saturday), I just can't seem to get back into it. I've been sick with a cold for the last 4 days so have spent most of the time inside, so no exercise. I feel that I spent the first 8 months trying to stay motivated even though I had no band or restriction and now that I have a new band, I feel burnt out and don't have the emotional strength to do it. I know I need a fill which I will be getting on 3 September but it's gone beyond restriction. HELP!!

Oh Honey, I know how you feel. I have been so busy during the month of August that I have not really been able to stay in routine with anything including eating. I haven't got on the scale in a week because the batteries are dead and I know that I am moving upward. I need the motivation and need stop making excuses. We need to remember why we are doing this...we want to be healthy and fit. I think that we go through times where it just isn't fun anymore....that is normal...but it is how we tackle this that makes us or breaks us. You have been through this twice and you are going to make it through. We are here for you...and I know that you are here for us as well...

We can do it.....

Miss you guys...just been very busy....the cheerleader is still around but very busy...

Love ya,

Cindy

[hollyberries 2]

After reading the replies to Sades post...I have just realized that we are all going through a November Nymph Funk! OK...Nymphs get your booties up and motivated...we can do this. We have motivated each other for over 9 months and we can do it during this trial. We are worth every lb we have lost whether small or large...

We can do it with the help of each other...now lets get going. Any ideas how we can get re-energized?

Cindy

[cindyg1212 0]

Hey, Cindy! We missed our cheerleader. I think the summer months and change in routine might be contributing to our funk. I think getting back into a regular schedule with the kids being back in school may help me. I'm getting a small fill on Thursday even though I am still pretty tight. I'm hoping it will get me down another 10 pounds. If I get too tight again, I'll get some taken out.

We all need to get re-energized. We have been at this for almost a year so I think it's normal to lose some motivation. We'll get it together. It's important to come here often and support each other. Perhaps joining the new challenge I posted will help us stay focused. Then we can reflect on the past year on our bandiversary. We all need to remember how far we've come and not obsess over the tough times. We are all thinner and healthier than we were last year at this time. That's the most important thing.

Edited September 3, 2008 by cindyg1212

[shortgal 5]

I just checked in to see how the November Nymphs are doing and found some new threads.

Sades: (my twin sister). Sorry you are struggling. I agree that being sick doesn't help as we want to "comfort" ourselves with food to "feel better". You'll feel much better after your fill, which you probably had by now. ( Let us know how it went).

What I have learned ( since losing my band) is I am the only thing that can stop me from gaining. I do not have a band or restriction to fall back on. So if I gain a pound or two, I see it like a small leak in the roof, take care of that leak before it gets much bigger. It is harder to fix a big leak than a small one.

After a fun and busy Labor Day weekend, my "leak" is three pounds! I am working on that this week.

[steph_co 9]

Sades - Just got finished reading up on your "slipped" thread. You are a freaking trooper. My gosh. You went 5 months with no band at all and look how much work you did! I am so very much impressed. WOW. Now that you actually HAVE an operable band, I have no doubt the accomplishments you will be able to obtain. I KNOW you can do this. We can all do this together. We just need to BAND together. :thumbup: You are a major inspiration to me. I don't know if I would have been able to undergo another operation and I fully understand the fear that you had going into it. I am just really so impressed by your story. You have so much strength - You can DO this!

[Sades 4]

Sades - Just got finished reading up on your "slipped" thread. You are a freaking trooper. My gosh. You went 5 months with no band at all and look how much work you did! I am so very much impressed. WOW. Now that you actually HAVE an operable band, I have no doubt the accomplishments you will be able to obtain. I KNOW you can do this. We can all do this together. We just need to BAND together. You are a major inspiration to me. I don't know if I would have been able to undergo another operation and I fully understand the fear that you had going into it. I am just really so impressed by your story. You have so much strength - You can DO this!

Thanks very much for your kind words Steph. It hasn't been easy but I know that at least this time around I will end up with the restriction I so needed the first time around. It was scarey going under again but at least this time I didn't wake up in agony as I did the first time. I have started walking again which will also help.

How are you doing with your band... still at goal? What about the new job? You've achieved so much since November and should be very proud of yourself! Hope we get to hear from you more often.

I just checked in to see how the November Nymphs are doing and found some new threads.

Sades: (my twin sister). Sorry you are struggling. I agree that being sick doesn't help as we want to "comfort" ourselves with food to "feel better". You'll feel much better after your fill, which you probably had by now. ( Let us know how it went).

What I have learned ( since losing my band) is I am the only thing that can stop me from gaining. I do not have a band or restriction to fall back on. So if I gain a pound or two, I see it like a small leak in the roof, take care of that leak before it gets much bigger. It is harder to fix a big leak than a small one.

After a fun and busy Labor Day weekend, my "leak" is three pounds! I am working on that this week.

Hey Judy, you are right, only we can control what goes into our mouths and it is extremely hard when there's something on or we don't feel well etc. I must say that the band does help so I'm glad I still have one and I understand how hard it must be for you. I think what you said about catching it before it goes too far is so true. I have never been one to do that but one of my sisters who is much slimmer than me has always worked that way. If she puts on 2-3 lbs she's back on the diet. I have always gone to 10 lbs before I even think about it, so a much bigger hill to climb.

I went for a fill yesterday and he put 1cc in which means I am at 3cc. I can still eat so I know I will need another fill. I am not as hungry, so I suppose that's a good start. It's all new for me because as he said, the last fill when he went to 4cc I couldn't drink. I'm hoping it will take less fills this time around.

Stick with the challenges on here and I'm sure you will get to goal before you know it! :thumbup:

[Sades 4]

Oh Honey, I know how you feel. I have been so busy during the month of August that I have not really been able to stay in routine with anything including eating. I haven't got on the scale in a week because the batteries are dead and I know that I am moving upward. I need the motivation and need stop making excuses. We need to remember why we are doing this...we want to be healthy and fit. I think that we go through times where it just isn't fun anymore....that is normal...but it is how we tackle this that makes us or breaks us. You have been through this twice and you are going to make it through. We are here for you...and I know that you are here for us as well...

We can do it.....

Miss you guys...just been very busy....the cheerleader is still around but very busy...

Love ya,

Cindy

Thanks Cindy and we miss you too!! :thumbup: It's good that you're busy, must mean the business is doing well... hope so. I think it's hard to stay motivated after such a long time and with everyone moving off the site for whatever reason. I think we just have to make the effort to pop in at least once a week for our sakes as well as for others' sakes. We make a good team and I for one could not have gone through this without the added support from my november nymphs!

[Sades 4]

PS... my cold has faded away and that certainly has put me in a better frame of mind.

I think our challenges will help keep people motivated. Also, maybe we can get the exercise challenge going again.