From Supportive Husband to Insecure Husband..

[TulipStar 2]

my husband makes comments all the time. We have been together for 12 years and this is the lowest weight I have ever been. I just try to reassure him that I love him and nothing will happen. I will just have to prove it! :crying:

[areellady 1]

areellady-

Thank you for saying that. It made me feel so good!:wink2:

That DH thing is so funny!!:wub: And true!

Your welcome!!!! Everything you said was awesome!!:crying:

[JJB 2]

I am going through this with my husband of 10 years now. I was always a bigger girl and I think this has been very hard for him. He is happy for me and we are really enjoying the new body I have. But he does fear that I will not know how to handle myself if the oppertunity comes up. I dont feel he is being a jealous husband. I just feel he knows he has a good thing and is scared to lose it. I know that the attention I get now is totally new to me and I can see how it could be a problem for some people. I love my husband and family enough that I can controle myself. But I deffinitly understand why he feels this way. I hate the way people try to make our husbands out to be jealous or insecure. Its the real world and I see alot of people lose people that they love and trust all the time. These men just love us no matter what size we are and are scared to lose us. I am blessed to have a husband like that. At times it does get annoying. But I sat down with him this past weekend and just told him I understand where he is coming from but he has to change the way he approaches matters. I just want him to talk to me when he feels this way and not instantly go off like I have done something wrong. I am just trying to be understanding.

[zoomomma 1]

I have been scared of the opposite happening. That HE will leave ME for a fat woman. I have been heavy since I met him. He loves my body now even while I don't. So I worry that he will not like me thin. I tease him about it, but it is a real fear deep down. He always says, "Honey, I love YOU for YOU not for the way you look and you will always be beautiful to me whether you are 100 lbs. or 300 lbs. " So I guess I shouldn't worry but sometimes I still do. Silly I know, but I can't seem to help it. I have never had very high self esteem so this is just another part of that popping up I guess. I'm working on it but its hard when people look down on you because you are heavy. I wonder if I will ever lose the weight.

[JJB 2]

You will lose weight and he will still love you. My husband loved me totally at 319. He acts like my weight loss has not changed how he feels. But I see how much he enjoys looking at me when we are alone and he is really enjoying it. I was so lucky to have someone who loved me regardless. But I could have never imagined how much WE would enjoy my weight loss. Good luck to you!

[kzibutis 0]

So glad to find this posting. My weight loss is tearing up my marriage. I have been trying to get my husband of 12 years to talk to me about this for the last 4 months. He has started to be negative towards me a lot of the time. He is spying on me and accusing me of lots of things. It is very painful and I can feel myself putting up a wall to protect myself. I feel wonderful and am not going back. We have 3 wonderful children that I do not want to hurt, but how long can I live like this? I do nothing right. I have asked him to go to counseling and so far he won't. Confused and hurting.

[strikeuptheband 16]

So glad to find this posting. My weight loss is tearing up my marriage. I have been trying to get my husband of 12 years to talk to me about this for the last 4 months. He has started to be negative towards me a lot of the time. He is spying on me and accusing me of lots of things. It is very painful and I can feel myself putting up a wall to protect myself. I feel wonderful and am not going back. We have 3 wonderful children that I do not want to hurt, but how long can I live like this? I do nothing right. I have asked him to go to counseling and so far he won't. Confused and hurting.

kzibutis, I am so sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately it happens sometimes. It takes two to make it work and I am sorry he won't go to counseling with you. I think it would be very helpful for you both to get your feelings out that way. I would suggest if he won't go, at least you go so you can sort out your feelings and maybe the counselor can help you deal with his behavior. Please take care of you and don't let this undermine your weight loss goal. keep posting here and I know you will get tons of support. We are all rooting for you.:smile:

[lapbandbarb 0]

So glad to find this posting. My weight loss is tearing up my marriage. I have been trying to get my husband of 12 years to talk to me about this for the last 4 months. He has started to be negative towards me a lot of the time. He is spying on me and accusing me of lots of things. It is very painful and I can feel myself putting up a wall to protect myself. I feel wonderful and am not going back. We have 3 wonderful children that I do not want to hurt, but how long can I live like this? I do nothing right. I have asked him to go to counseling and so far he won't. Confused and hurting.

Sorry to hear about your husband responding this way to your weight loss. Look back at my other post. I think it may help you. Are you sure that it is only his insecurity over your weight loss that has made your huband so mad at you? It is possible that he has his own issues and he is taking it out on you? The fact that he can't handle the new you is an issue he needs to own up to. You have been married 12 years an have 3 kids together so you know this man pretty well. How do you usually get along? I've been married 14 years and can predict how things will be and see right through my husband almost always.Is this response something you anticipated? Does your husband know how you feel and your concern for your children's happiness? We are here for you so keep writing. Don't give up yet. Try to communicate with him. Hope things get better for you!

[JJB 2]

I am sorry that you are going through this. I remember before I got my surgery my husband met a man whose wife had lap band and told him that she changed after her surgery and left him. I am realizing that in my opinion most of the time it is them that changes. I just told my husband that the other day when he was checking up on me. He had never ever checked on me before and now he does. He said it is because I was never a social person and now I am very social and he admits that it kind of makes him insecure. Luckily we talk about it alot and I tell him I understand. But he has never been mean to me about it. You should deffinitly tell your husband it is in his best interest to go get some counseling with you. Maybe if he sees you going he will agree. I can totally understand the insecure thing but there is no reason he should be mean to you. Good luck and hang in there.

[RUBALCAVA2004 0]

Yes i'm starting to see the insecurity coming out of my husband too! He jokes that before i get a Tummy Tuck i have to sign something saying if i leave him that i have to pay him the money for the tummy tuck back! Lol, and sometimes he says that he is going to start picking out my clothes! I just laugh, after all when he met me i was a size 5 or 7! And dressed decent sexy!

[RUBALCAVA2004 0]

You will lose weight and he will still love you. My husband loved me totally at 319. He acts like my weight loss has not changed how he feels. But I see how much he enjoys looking at me when we are alone and he is really enjoying it. I was so lucky to have someone who loved me regardless. But I could have never imagined how much WE would enjoy my weight loss. Good luck to you!

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, WE BOTH NOTICE THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE, FOR THE BETTER!:shades_smile:

[aubrie 6]

and here I thought it was for "darling husband".....LOL

I've been married 18 years. I was thin (138 lbs.) when we married. So my DH has known me thin. We were also high school sweethearts that didn't marry until we were 31 and 32. (Long story). I was 120 lbs. in high school!! He never really said much about me gaining weight. He loved me regardless, although the sex part got less and less. Now that I've lost a good bit, the sex part is awesome once again. Initially, he was very supportive and still is, very much so, but he has made comments about other men wanting me. At first we would laugh about it. I found the whole idea preposterous and very funny at my age..... Well, the thinner I got, the less funny he found it. He doesn't laugh about it anymore. So I think he feels it's a very real threat. So I don't mention it. But I think that's why the sex got so good. He subconciously wants me to be completely satisfied so I don't "stray". Good heavens. It still seems so silly, but I understand it's very real for him. I try to be sensitive to his feelings.

[zeama 0]

I am currently separated from my husband after living with years of his abuse and his drug addiction. He asked another woman to marry him while we were still together, it just goes on and on. Anyway, now that I want a divorce and we have been separated for almost a year and I've started losing weight, now HE decides that he wants to make it work and that he still wants to be married. I bet! I look and feel the best I have in years! Too bad he was such a jerk during our marriage! :redface: