Grieving for the old me?

[DesertRose 0]

I posted a small introduction but in case you missed it, I am a 40 y.o. wife, mother and nana to a beautiful family. My family is my life and I have spent more than half of mine taking care of all of them. My weight gain started after my 4th child, after starting work in an office and after quitting smoking. But, I guess that doesn't matter now. What DOES matter is that I took a step to change my lifestyle and was banded on June 24. I've had some minor and major set-backs but after 2 fills I have more restriction now, so I am on my way.

food has always been the focus of our family gatherings. I would cook these huge meals, have family over and we would eat, talk, play games, etc. The hardest part for me was that I felt that I had to give that up, in order to stick with the lab band diet. If I cooked a huge meal, I felt too tempted to over-eat. If I didn't cook the way I used to, I felt guilty for depriving my family. If I take a walk around the block, I sometimes feel like the house will burn down. The other day I went to an essential oil conference at a beautiful resort. I wasn't there 10 minutes until I was getting calls from home and I had to run to save the day. It just seems that my family has always known that I would be there for them and the minute they think I can't be, they freak out. Don't get me wrong, they would do anything for me but they are so darned dependent upon me!! I am physically and mentally exhausted. I work full-time then come home and take care of my husband, my 14 y.o. daughter and my husband's 23 y.o. son who is living with us and not working! My married daughter is in school in the evenings so I take care of the grandbaby for her.

I know I am rambling but my point is...why do I feel so bad if I do anything for myself? What is with this stupid guilt complex and grieving for the old me? Ugh! Am I being selfish? I fully intend to join the support group in September, but am a little worried about it due to all the posts I've seen about it on here.

Thanks for listening, I am sorry to be so negative!

[RestlessMonkey 7]

I think a LOT of women, especially mothers, have similar issues. You love your family and have encouraged them to lean on you (it's our nurturing side, darn it) and somehow over the years, you get kind of consumed or something. I can tell you that your family is spoiled (of course they are! you've spoiled them!) and it can't hurt them to toughen up just a little bit!

I will say mom used to cook big old meals and I HONESTLY would rather have had her playing the games with us than working in the kitchen. Don't feel badly if your family is "forced" to eat healty. It won't kill them! It may save them.

I am not blessed with kids and can't really give you tips but I can say I know you are worth this and you can find a way to carve out time for yourself.

You probably are grieving the loss of the old you! But the new you still has her in there...you'll just be healthier. That can only benefit your family.

[Maribelle 0]

I've always kind of thought that the term "Supermom" isn't always a good one. It may be super for everyone else, but it is hard on the mother. Maybe now that you are letting go of some of your other old habits, your mind and body is trying to tell you (by being tired) that it is time to focus on you, and to ignore the phone for a while sometimes. Easier said than done, I know...

[Emilie1 3]

When you really need your time just let them know that you are leaving your phone at home. Don't take it with your. Do it for more and more time each week till they are use to not being able to get in touch with you. Also it sounds like you have three full time jobs. That is alot and you really do need to schedule you time in there without interruptions. Good Luck.....

[tomatogirl 0]

All of the people you mentioned, save for the baby, are perfectly capable of taking care of any crisises that may come up. I suggest not taking your phone next time you go for a walk. They'll be fine for a few minutes. If the baby is there, take him/her in a stroller.

[krtork 0]

You need to take some time to focus on yourself! I know where you are coming from. I am the doer in my family and I finally have had to put my foot down and let them know that I am doing this for myself and I have to have time to work on this process.

The house will not burn down without you. I like the suggestion of not taking your phone with you when you leave the house. They will figure out what they need to do if there is a crisis. You are doing them a favor by cutting the string.

Take the baby in a stroller with you when you walk, then you don't have to worry. Cook meals for your family, make them healthier, they will adjust. I assure you they won't starve or have them help cook the things they like to eat.

It is tough, but you need this time to focus on you and your health so you will be there for them down the road!

[Annabell1 0]

I had the same problem when I was trying to decide to do this for myself. I had 5 sessions with a therapist and it did me a world of good. I talked to my family and they wanted what was best for us all,

for me to be around to help for a very long time. I didn't make the big meals for a few weeks but now I can do it and am not tempted. I feel wonderful and my attitude is so much better than resenting all I did for everyone and not myself. We deserve to take care of ourselves too. Try fixing what you like and what you can eat and add to it for everyone else. I am happier than I have been in 10 years. I am down 34 lbs and was banded on July 1st. I know when you go to your support group you will get strength from them and I also pray quite a bit on my twice a day walks. Good luck and take care.