Did you tell others about surgery?

[annecolorgreen 0]

Hi--

I am just curious as to what others did. I am a straightforward, tell all, kind of person but....I have been hesitating talking about the surgery to friends/family who aren't "close" to me. I asked my dh his opinion and he said, "I wouldn't tell people". Now, I don't know if that's for his comfort level or he really thinks I shouldn't tell.

If you told...how did you do it? If you didn't, why?

Thanks!

~~anne (awaiting insurance approval)

[auntlucy 22]

I've been very selective about who I've told. I've only told a handful of family, friends, and co-workers. It's not that I'm embarassed about it. I'm not. I'm actually very proud of myself for getting a tool to help me. But, I am a very private person. I don't like a lot of attention when it comes to my weight, and I simply didn't want to be the topic of conversation. I also didn't want to feel like people were watching over every move that I made.

For those people that I did tell, I told them one-on-one. I explained to them that I had come to the realization that I needed a tool to help me on my weight loss journey, and that after a tremendous amount of research and prayer, that I had made the decision to get the band. I explained the risks to those that I could tell were concerned about surgery. I let them know the path I had gone down. I let them know that I was being very selective about who I told. I asked them to honor that and not share it with anyone. Many people asked what they could do to support me, and I told them what I needed from them and what that would look like in my eyes.

I'm very happy with how I've handled it. It was the right call for me. After all, we're all different! So, do what's right for you!

When people approach me who also struggle with their weight and genuinely want to lose weight, I'm being very upfront with them about my journey.

[chicks3 0]

Hi Anne,

Well here's what I did....of course I told my husband and kids, then I told my mom, and my best friend and 2 of my sisters that I am close to. I have another sister and 3 brothers and coworkers that I haven't told. I havent decided what to say to those I haven't told once the weight loss starts to show. I was banded 3 weeks ago. Too many people are too judgemental. I just don't want to hear it. Regardless of what they say, I am doing this for my health. Good luck to you.....

[manderky 0]

Hey Anne,

I told some people, and there are pros and cons to doing so. I told my boss at work, since I was taking a week off. I also didn't hide the surgery to my coworkers. If they were curious, I told them the truth.

I also told my family, but that is a double edged sword. They are supportive, but I also keep thinking that if I don't succeed, or lose weight fast enough that they will think that this is just another thing that didn't work. No one has said or done anything to make me feel that way, but it's just how my mind thinks.

It can also be uncomfortable when people that I know in person ask how my weight loss is doing. If I'm not losing much, I feel like they will wonder why not. It's great if I'm doing well, but I feel insecure about it if I'm in a slump. It's much easier to talk and compare experiences with people online and who have gone through what I am.

I also hope that I am successful b/c there are others in my family that could benefit from a Lap Band, and I hope that maybe this will help them see how great it can be.

Edited August 21, 2008 by manderky

[Foofy 0]

Ugh. I have no restraint. I tell anyone who asks about my weight loss. Very often, I end up pulling up my shirt and making them touch my port. There have definately been times when I wish I had kept my mouth shut about it, but that's life.

[Niecey 0]

I'll be getting banded on Sept 16th. I figure I'm not going to lie. Everyone will ask how I did it so I'll be honest. I figure it this way I know I'm fat they know I'm fat so if there is something out there that can help me loose weight, I'm taking it. If someone has something negative to say...shame on them. All I want to do is have a longer, happier, healthier life. Who can say anything bad about that!!!

Niecey

[lachica39 0]

I did inform my family and co-workers. I have a co-worker who had by-pass surgery and she been telling parents (I'm a secretary in a large daycare program) and mutual friends who I havent told, Its starting to irritate me now. after awhile you get tired of same questions and expectations from people. I am who I am, not a lapband. like Amanda stated above, are they going to see you as a failure if the weight doesnt fly off

[Heatherw 0]

I told everyone that asked and I gave all the info that I could. I do not think there is anything to be ashamed about and I am proud that I have taken my weight loss into my own hands and am doing well. I think that we all need to be a little more honest both with ourselves and our family/friends. The one thing that I was suprised about was that the friends that are not overweight are more supportive than the one that are. The friends/family that are over weight seem to be way more judgemental and that was shocking!! I really do think that some times misery loves company...

[mamanmidwife 0]

After telling my family and children I only told my chief midwife because I knew she would be supportive. that was before the surgery, since if people ask me what i'm doing to lose the weight I will tell them, because this tool has been a lifesaver I was truly afraid that in a few years i wouldn't be able to walk because of my knees, i am actually going to the gym tonight. but as someone else said sometimes its the overweight ones who seem more judgemental than others. oh well.. it took me a while to get to my breaking point also

[Lin12/20/07 0]

I thought long & hard about this issue before I decided. I was banded 12/20/07 & have lost 100 pounds & have 50 to go (:sad:

I never liked discussing my weight before w/ anyone & really felt I wouldn't like discussing it after. I think if you're the type of person who likes everyone to know you're on a new diet or ask if you've gained weight or lost weight, then there will probably be no issue with you telling others you've had the surgery. But, if you are more private & don't like everyone mentioning it every time you drop 10 pounds or gain 10 pounds or start a new diet, then maybe keeping it close to you is best. Everyone is different & I certainly don't begrudge anyone who felt it was best for them to tell others.

For me, this has been one of my better decisions. not only to have the band (best decision) but to keep it to husband, kids, and sisters. Others have indicated in the past they would not be supportive of surgery for weight loss and I didn't feel I had their support. In my months preparing for the surgery, waiting on insurance, I used that time to fill my mind w/ positive thoughts about the surgery & myself. I just didn't need the negative feedback. I didn't even tell my work- I took a few days off before a holiday & returned like normal.

I still have people asking "how much have you lost", "how much more are you going to lose" and "how are you doing it". As to the how much questions- my answer has changed from years past (I lost a significant amount on south beach years ago & gained it all back). I used to go ahead & tell them (100 pounds lost or 50 to go). Now, I tell them I'm not focused on the number any more. I tell them (truth) I am focused on healthy choices, healthy eating, healthy lifestyle, not the number. How am I doing it? I tell them through really watching quantities, drinking Water, less eating out, lower fat & higher Protein, and an hour of exercise a day (all true). My only sadness is not being able to give credit to the lapband because it has made a real difference. But, I just don't need the scrutiny with everything i eat, the negativity about the "easy way out" (yeah, right!), and other negativity.

9 months down the road, for me this was the right decision. I don't really think about it anymore, it's just a private part of me. I don't tell others about other private areas of my life, why would I share this one. Weight, money, health- to me, those are private areas. But, everyone is different. Maybe one day, even I will change my mind.

I did like what someone else put about making sure those you do tell know that you aren't telling everyone & being asked to keep your confidence.

That's one of the reasons I really like this forum because I dont' go out & get support elsewhere.

Good luck!

[Maggies 0]

I haven't been banded yet, but have decided it will remain with just my kids and myself. I don't like the questions that people would be asking and of course the "Oh you took the easy way". So private matter to me. Maggie:wink_smile:

[momcof3 1]

Before my surgery, I told my parents, kids, and a few friends at work. I was out of the office for 2 weeks after the surgery and while I was gone I ran into someone from work at Home Depot and she was worried something was wrong with me as I hadn't been to work and she noticed I had lost weight. I ended up telling her and she inadvertently told someone else at work - so by the time I got back my whole unit knew. But actually them knowing took the pressure off of me.

Since being back at work this week I have only had positive comments and I don't really care if someone doesn't approve - they can keep it to themselves.

I have already had two people ask if I would talk to someone they know who is interested in lapband surgery. So if I can educate and share knowledge to help someone else I am all for it.

[cmmcguire66 0]

I told/tell everyone! I have info on my Facebook page. Obviously, everyone that looks at me knows I am fat. No hiding that one. So, I am very upfront about it. Also, I am now a major pain in the neck when it comes to eating (I am training to walk a 1/2 marathon in Miami in January and already told them the Pasta dinner the night before won't work for me, I need protein!)

I am very proud of what I have done - scariest thing I've done in a long, long time. I also take people's hands and have them feel my port. I figure the doctor needs to give me a kick-back for all the positive, free p.r. I've done for him and this procedure!

[ThinWithin 0]

this is something i'm struggling with as well. i just got approved for my consultation w/the surgeon and then i'll have some hoops to jump through for him as well so I have time to reconcile my feelings. I am tempted to tell some friends/family but I dont want to deal w/food police or feel scrutinized. I have always been the fattest person in my famly and believe it or not people are not going to be happy about me giving up that title. Because it means one of them will then have to have it lol I think that makes people more critical...or maybe i'm selling them short. I have a friend who had lapband surgery a couple years ago, I met her recently and within the first 10 minutes of our conversation she had metioned her band 5 times. We had them over for dinner and her child talked at length about how her mom had a lapband and couldnt eat like other people and on and on. I have a young daughter and while i dont think i'll keep it secret from her i also dont want to burden her with adult issues. I dont want my kids to be so focused on my band that they miss the "healthier" that came along with it. does that make sense? I dunno I think i've crossed over to just rambling now....lol

[luluc 6]

I am tempted to tell some friends/family but I dont want to deal w/food police or feel scrutinized.

hubby and i were banded the same day - and to this day; only my parents & brothers know we were banded & i didn't tell them till almost 5months post op. i had no negative comments , in fact they were happy for me - my BEST girlfriends still don't know ... they just think i've gone the diet & exercise route - which is true.

i was an extremely slow loser in the beginning - my husband was just about at goal at month 6 when my weight finally started to come off. how horrible i would have felt (and didn't need) to have others questioning my choice of WLS only losing 24lbs in 4 months......

without the watchful eye of "others" - if i shared it with them - i was able to just hunker down and focus on my health / exercise / re-learning how to eat properly. the noise in the background would have likely hindered me..