Hi Everyone - My Story

[eyevory 0]

Hi everyone. First I want to say that the night I found this website I really cried. I don't know a single other person with a lapband and I didn't realize how much I needed support and understanding like this. yay. I have been browsing posts for a couple weeks and thought I would jump in and share about myself and get all those intro questions out there.

My name is Rebecca, I am 30 years old. I currently live in Saline, Michigan (near Ann Arbor) and am married with 2 children. I am an attorney but currently at home with my babies.

Why am I so fat? In my head I know it is because I consume more calories than I expend. right. Apparently so does every female on both sides of my family. I think I use food as a comfort and a stress management tool. When I see my daughter reach for her binky for comfort I realize its just like me with a snickers bar. Without an almost constant influx of Snacks (even healthy ones) I feel out of control. I basically gained 20 or so pounds every year since I was a teenager. There was a period from when I was about 18-23 that I drank fountain drink Pepsi almost nonstop and ate complete garbage. At that point I had some success with weight watchers. I also spent a lot of time at the gym (with my new husband - working out is his "thing") but I never really felt like that helped. I feel a real disconnect with my body. I never know if the weight I am lifting is enough or too much. I never know if I have done enough cardio. I can talk myself into 1 minute being too much. My first year of law school I think I gained 40 pounds. It was a stressful time for me and I managed in every way that I could. If heroin had been available to me I think I would have used that. At the end of my first year of law school I began to go on job interviews and felt more judged than I ever had before. I noticed people walk on the other side of the hallway when I was coming (really? I am not going to take up that much room!) I knew that I had to do something - if not for my health or vanity than because it was going to be necessary to succeed professionally. I wanted surgery.

My Surgery - I had my surgery at the Wish Center in Salt Lake City, Utah. (no, it is no longer there). Dr. Hanafy was my doctor, although he broke his hand the day before and a doctor from the Seattle Wish Center did my actual surgery. I had it done laproscopically. I have a 10 ml band. My pre-op weight (the highest of my lifetime) was 369.5. Three Hundred Sixty Nine and One-Half Pounds! I am 5'10. My BMI was 55. My surgery was on November 19, 2004. I self-paid through a payment plan because insurance denied me. I think the principal was about $14,000.00.

(as a note, I had first tried to have surgery in March of 2003 from Dr. Legrand Belnap. I was denied by my insurance because I did not have a history of medical issues (i.e. I don't go to the doctor when my back or knees hurt because I know why they hurt). Also, to be honest, I didn't feel comfortable with that doctor. He gave me a breast exam that I thought was unnecessary and a bit predatorialish and there was a weird energy there).

After surgery I was all gung-ho to only eat 1/2 cup of food at a time, drink Water throughout the day but not 1/2 before or after eating. I bought these little rubbermaid cups that were 1/2 cup to use as my dishes. I stopped drinking carbonation and alcohol. I strictly followed the liquids/then squishies/then softies regiment. I remember the first few days drinking the exact amount of Protein Shake every two hours because I was worried about getting enough Protein to recover quickly. I was in my second year of law school and had a five-day break for thanksgiving and I couldn't miss any other days.

Post-Surgery - I lost twenty pounds the first two weeks. I was thrilled. But once I reached the eat-1/2 cup of solid food stage everything went downhill. I would eat one-half cup of food and then I was hungry and distracted within an hour, which was annoying and frustrating. My doctor would only do 1/2 cc of fill at a time. It did not work. I lost my willpower and began to eat more so that I could function in my life. (it is also annoying when you are a self-pay because you pay for adjustments!) I did reach a point at about 2.5 cc that my stomach became irritated and I could only drink liquids so I immediately had it taken back down to 2 ccs. At 2 ccs I was not full after 1/2 cup of food. But what is full? I don't think I really knew if I was full or not. Maybe I was just not psychologically satisfied with that amount of food. There was also the issue of: this is my lunch hour, I have to eat now and I won't have time to eat again in one hour so I better eat as much as I can. My husband called my lapband my "bulimia button" because it operated to make me throw up at will, not really to restrict my eating. I knew no one else with a lap band and felt isolated and alone and frustrated. Oh yeah and the Wish Center closed and my doctor moved away so I had no doctor either. The other doctors around would not see me unless I paid an "enrollment fee" and went through a bunch of preliminary B.S.

I lost about fifty pounds in the first year and 1/2. Then I became preganant with my first baby - a suprise. (I don't think I could have become pregnant unless I lost that weight). I was really sick and throwing up and worried about displacing the band. I had a doctor reduce the lapband back to no fill. That baby is two years old now. I did have a fill after the baby, but had it reduced again when I was pregnant with my second for the same reasons. My second baby is three months old now.

Where I am now: Currently, my lap band is not filled. I gained about 20 pounds in my second pregnancy and have lost that in the last three months. I have been counting calories and breastfeeding. I calculated my Base Metabolic Rate (BMR) and subtracted 1000 so that I would have a deficiet of 7000 calories per week. 3500 calories = 1 pounds so if I eat 7000 less than my BMR I should lose 2 pounds a week. I did not account for the approximately 500 calories needed to make breastmilk. I try to be active and take my 2 year old and baby to the park and such regularly but I don't account for that in my calorie goals. So I try to eat under 2000 calories a day and it seems to be working. I am currently at 327, I think 320 has been my lowest post-lapband weight.

I am thinking about getting a fill and giving the lap band a try. There is a Barix Clinic in Ypsilanti and I hope they will give me a fill without making me pay a lot to enroll in a program.

I hope to get support from this website and look forward to connecting with more of you. I want to be a bandster, I just feel like a wanna-be

My links:

http://www.myspace.com/eyevoryshiny my myspace, updated pretty regularly

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rebeccarandom my pictures at flickr

I will try to post a before and current when I get a chance.

Edited August 19, 2008 by eyevory

[mommyx2 0]

Thank you so much for sharing.. im a newbie too.. all these stories are so insipirational

[gone 4 ever 6]

Yes go for it. I will pray that they don't charge you an outragous fee. It can take more than 1 or 2 fills to hit your sweet spot (restriction). Just stick with it. I am so glad you found us. We are a very supportive group of people. Any questions, someone will try to answer. Good luck. Oh and by the way your children are so cute!

[lessme 0]

Hey there, don't give up. I think you are right to start again. If you are not planning on getting pregnant again this would be an ideal time to begin again. Please read the lap-band fill forum sticky threads and you will get a great idea of how the band works so you won't get discouraged if you don't lose a lot of weight right away. Also the magazine article on "I was a lap-band orphan" sounds a lot like your situation. It's great that you found us. I have found a lot of comfort just reading others stories. Good luck and keep us posted.

[zukagirl22 1]

most importantly don't beat yorself up! It's called life.... and it's going to happen. What you have to do it just leave the past behind you. You can't change the past so focus on what you can do now. You are still coming out with a weight loss and i know you can do it. :thumbup: The first step is to meet with a new doctor and go from there. Good luck !