Greetings from South Jersey!

losingjeff · August 15, 2008

Hello everyone.

My name is Jeff and I am from South Jersey. I am scheduled to have my first appointment with Dr. Adam Goldstein on Friday, September 5th. Having been to the orientation session twice, I'm reasonably confident in my decision but inevitably I still have doubt. More on that later.

I am 25 years old and work in the public sector as a Network Administrator. I am 25 years old and I currently weigh 550 pounds. I was my happiest when I weigh 225, and even then I thought I was big. Fast forward 8 years and I sometimes have trouble believing the number on what is essentially a freight scale I had to buy (because I never could convince myself to ask my dog's vet to weigh me... wow would that have been an esteem-buster). I am in remarkably good health for a man of my weight, I am still very mobile and I am still able to ride an exercise bike everyday. I'd like to ride a real bike again though.

How did I get this way? College, then a hectic job, then friends moving away and moving on with their lives left me first surrounded bv friends who couldn't afford anything but cheap, bad food and then alone with a lot of money and not many people to talk to. Follow that up with anxiety issues (probably due to the weight) that stop me from going to a gym and stress from work that made me eat more and, presto. 560lbs (my highest recorded weight, I suspect I was closer to 600 at some point but I had yet to buy my scale).

In February of this year, I decided I had had enough of spending tons of money on fast food garbage. I was spending anywhere from $15-$30 a day on fast food. Do you know how much food you get at Taco Bell for $15? Of course some of you do. That is why we are all here. And I'd eat it before I got back to my house, leave the bag in my car and go pass out. Leaving me sad and self loathing with a messy car. February 22nd I had had enough. I gave my father my credit and debit cards, got my car detailed so there was no evidence of what I had done in it before, and I swore off fast food. The closest thing I've allowed myself since then has been deli sandwiches, and these days I lean more towards the chicken salad sandwich than the meatball.

I started counting calories, but eventually gave that up (to my disappointment). I lost weight, getting down to 530, but it was so difficult and I was watching months tick off my life while I waited. I want to get on with my life, and at that rate I'd be where I wanted to be right around the time I hit 35. Not exactly the turn around I'm looking for.

So like I said, I went to the New Beginnings Orientation. I contacted my insurance company (Horizon) and after a little back and forth they say it is covered by my policy. So now I wait. I still have those doubts I talked about. I worry about what it will be like to not eat a whole bowl of Pasta, ir to only eat a 2" sandwich (or can I even eat sandwiches?). I wonder if I'll still be funny when I'm not as fat. I hate being fat but it defines so much of me I feel like a part of me is going to go away, and while I don't like most of it I'll miss being able to crack a fat joke about myself. I'll miss being able to watch a parents horrified reaction because their 5 year old son just yelled "MOMMY LOOK A GIANT!" while I smile and laugh to myself.

I am a giant afterall, the parent was just mortified at their kids honesty.

One Last Sandwich - Adventures in Fatblogging is my blog. The last entry is about me trying Alli. It didn't do anything for me in the end, but I also didn't crap myself while on it. So I guess that is a silver lining. I hurt my tailbone sitting down too hard and so I haven't ridden my bike in a while, but I hope as that heals and as I get my weight loss going, I'll return to it.

So I guess that was hello. Thanks for listening and I look forward to being part of the community.

-Jeff

Edited August 15, 2008 by JeffTheGiant

Justmeuknow · August 15, 2008

Welcome to forum I havent' been got my band but I hope I just about done jumping through insurance hoop. Jess good luck on your journey.

Carol

poodlecamper · August 15, 2008

Jeff---There are so many things I want to say to you--it would fill a book. I wish I could've had this surgery 30 years ago--I missed so much of life's participation as I steadily gained.

I will address your fear of missing food and being able to binge--I had the same fear---how could i give up such a big part of my life? Something that gave me such pleasure?

Well, believe it or not, you WILL eventually be able to eat the things you love. But you won't be able to eat massive amounts, and you will get used to it. And as you lose, the food will take on a smaller role and focus in your life. I ate at Taco Bell the other day--not as much as my family, but i was satisfied with it. You may even be turned off by things you loved, because you know they won't "work" anymore. (hamburgers just won't go down anymore and are a very unpleasant experience for me)

You're so young---and there is such a big world and so many experiences out there. I have a list of goals that include kayaking and horseback riding for myself. What are your goals?

I wish you lots of luck and hope you find support from this group.

Carol

Juliana · August 15, 2008

Welcome Jeff! No one can make your decision for you but you, but i will tell you that getting the lap band is the best thing i have ever done for myself. I am only 2 months out, but it has helped me so much already. I have dieted most of my life and been up and down, in control, and out of control and the past few years of my life, i too had become a fast food junkie. And i loved the euphoric feeling i got while eating. I hated what it did to my body, but i loved the way it felt to eat until i was almost sick and then crash. ( i know that sounds crazy, but i think we all understand) I do miss food, but it is getting easier. My body is changing, and i'm feeling better, so it is worth it to me to give up my chinese food buffets, my cheeseburgers, my taco bell. And i think it will get easier and easier as time goes by. Especially as someone else said, when i am able to do things again that i haven't been able to do in so long, i really think it will be worth it and i won't care that i can't eat much anymore. I want to be able to Water ski again, and go horseback riding. And to go hiking with my friends. I am 32, (which is a lot older than you), but i am too young to feel this old. I also want children with my husband, so that keeps me going. And i know that with every pound i lose, i am that much closer to becoming a mommy. I also agree with poodlecamper, i wish i had done this a long time ago!! I have a long way to go, but i feel like i can do it this time. The band is the tool that is going to help me get healthy and keep the weight off. I'm ready for the rest of my life to start!!

Good luck to you. You seem like such a good guy, with a great sense of humor!

Keep us updated!!