cycle of deprivation/junk food binging

[froggie456834 0]

OK, I am following my post-op diet very well, but I'm growing a little concerned about my tendency to go overboard with dieting. On diets, I tend to grow more and more strict with myself as time passes until I'm eating only "perfect" foods ("perfect" defined as zero fat, very few calories, high nutritious content), and very little at that. Of course I want to be eating healthy foods, but my standards get so high that suddenly things that are probably reasonable don't seem good enough, and I burn out on healthy foods. It gets me in this cycle of deprivation that I eventually counter by overeating extremely unhealthy foods, even foods I don't like too much, yet I think I want them just because they're unhealthy. Repeatedly I've done this in my life.

So it seems like it's happening again. In paying attention to how I'm eating now that I'm about a week and a half post-op, I'm realizing that I'm growing less generous with my food intake. Today I got about 600 calories of extremely high Protein healthy liquids (which doesn't translate into tasty food), and I don't want to allow myself anything more. I know I should be getting at least 800. I'm actually SCARED of allowing myself more, like I'm going to lose control and eat all the food in the house. I would really like to reach some happy medium where I balance a healthy amount of calories with a blend of healthy foods and foods I actually like to satisfy me & not make me feel deprived... I feel like I'm setting myself up for a junk food spree. Anyone else deal with this? Hope I've made sense.

Edited August 8, 2008 by zillyanne

[Melody2006 1]

I think your post really spoke to me. I had WLS at the hospital I work and and a lot of co-workers know I had it. So I know when I go back to work after taking a month off, I'd better show a loss. I feel that pressure.

Here is the plan I'm following :

-800 to 1200 calories a day

-60 grams of Protein a day minimum

-64 oz. of Water a day minimum

-no non-natural sugar

-no more than 20 grams of fat

-no more than 100 grams of carbs

-no white carbs (sugar, flour, rice, bread and potatoes)

-no sugar alcohols (aka, sugar free candy)

-no use of straws

-no chewing gum

-no caffeine (at least for the 1st 6 months)

-no carbonated drinks

Well, I am loosing consistently. But now I find I feel like a failure if I'm not 800 calories a day or less. I never go under 700. I log everything that passes my lips on thedailyplate.com, and measure everything.

[kristenmh 68]

zillyanne:

you could be posting for me -- i've repeated that perfection cycle multiple times in my life. my advice is simple -- find a therapist who works with folks with disordered relationships to food. my amazing therapist has been an incredible help in this area -- helping to talk me through my fears, learning to trust myself (and my body) and helping me break the cycle of deprivation.

[Jachut 487]

This is an issue that I dont believe if talked about or focussed on enough, but at least you recognise it in yourself. Learning not to diet is very very difficult and very very scary.

I honestly dont believe dieting works. Oh, I mean, if you eat perfect calories and perfect ratios of protein/carbs/fats you will lose weight. If you methodically balance it out with exercise you will lose weight.

But it is not sustainable for most people long term. Logging everything you eat, fussing over every decision, most people live lives that demand they just eat when its time to (as in a lunchbreak) or when they're hungry, they eat what's available at the time and they shop at the supermarket, not at a zillion speciality stores. Logging calories can also lead to bad decisions - you start eating processed foods like Lean Cuisines because that's so darn easy to count, no measuring etc or you start allowing yourself that 600 calories for a Big Mac and then eat carrots for the rest of the day to make up for it.

Big dysfunctional tick over that one. How does THAT help anyone to develop a normal relationship with food?

Yet calorie counting can be worthwhile. I'm doing it now, not to lose weight but to gradually transition myself onto a normal diet to maintain this weight loss for life. I've maintained for about a year now without doing that, but I did continue to lose and I've got to the point where I really dont want or need to lose more. But I find it very very confronting to be "free" to eat what I want.

I'm just logging onto calorie king for a while to really remind myself what 1500 calories of healthy food, little daily treats (like a skinny latte) and the odd indulgence of chocolate really truly looks like. If you eat healthy, you can eat a LOT of food. I want to eat healthy. Which is why I had a small unfill recently since its healthier to eat a sandwich, an apple, some Breakfast Cereal and a coffee over the course of Breakfast and lunch than it is to have a piece of lemon coconut slice (becuase it goes down and fits in) and a coffee at the shop. For the same calories. But whilst mentally I can cope with the lemon slice becuase its a small portion of food, I find I break into a cold sweat at the thought of Cereal AND sandwich AND fruit! Over the course of 3 year banded,my mind had definitely come to see a tiny amount of food as normal and a normal amount of food as a huge amount. So I'm counting calories to teach myself a new lifetime habit of moderate amounts (larger than losing weight bandster portions) of healthy foods. Its not that easy, its as much of an education as suddenly finding yourself banded is. It requires breaking ingrained patterns and thought processes that developed while I was banded - because those arent ALL good. I definitely came to prefer a carb snack and coffee to a real lunch!

But to lose weight I didnt diet. I didnt refuse myself any foods or cut out any food groups. I now have an almostd"normal" relationship with all foods I've got the mix down pat, its just that now I need to reassure my anxious mind that its OK for portions to increase a bit. My unfill has made me hungrier and I want to eat between meals again, that's OK if I have a healthy snack, but I'm finding I need the evidence on paper, much more than I did for losing.

Because I want a long and healthy life and I want to keep running and to do that you need to be well nourished, not living on 600 calories a day made up of Protein and little else. Not that I ever did that either, but you get my drift.

Does any of that makes sense or help at all?

I think that you need to try to go easier on it, allow some treats in there, PLAN for them and really make the effort to include them so you're not so afraid of food in general. The odd burger or fries never hurt anyone but as they're so hard to eat when you're banded and well filled, you probably wont want them anyway, so the habit does die. Now I can probably afford to have them again, I dont want them anyway. I'm trying to teach myself proper portions of GOOD foods.

Edited August 8, 2008 by Jachut

[mtnman428 1]

I soooooo relate to this post! :ohmy: I have always been the same way, a "no-gray-area" mentality! I'm hoping that the band will change this and give me a healthier approach to eating. I mean before "on a diet" I would allow myself something "bad" as long as it was in my calorie range, but the minute I went to a restaurant or ate something that I could not calculate the exact calories of, I'd go off the deep end and just binge cheat for the next week or so until another "Monday" rolled around! But what I am finding so far (I'm only 2 weeks out, and still on full liquids) is that I STILL find myself counting calories (because it does feel safe-especially in this liquid phase), but I wanted to get the band, so that I would not have to live my life writing down every little morsel that goes into my mouth! But at the same time, I feel that that is the only way to guarantee success and stop at my calorie quota. So I don't know what to do either. My Dr. did tell me not to count calories. Help:confused: What have you successful bandsters done?? Did you count calories or just eat by satisfaction?

[Melody2006 1]

Dear (Food) Diary - Yahoo! News

This is a good reason why to keep a food journal if your trying to loose weight.

[Jachut 487]

I didnt count to lose, I counted nothing, I ate by satisfiaction and I didnt cut out any foods.

I dont really believe that swapping a Protein focus for a calorie one is gong to help anyone to recover from obesity.

I felt it was very very important to learn to eat all foods in moderation and if I had days when I really really felt like a donut, or whatever, then I had it. I ate bread and Pasta all the way through too becuase I dont believe that in moderation those are unhealthy.

In short, I totally quit dieting and just went with Portion Control. But that doenst mean I ate whatever I wanted whenever I felt a random urge either, I did a lot of thinking about whether I really wanted it etc. But in reality, you know that if your diet is based on large portions of unhealthy foods, you will be fat, so the band controlled the portions and I made good choices 9/10 of the time.

This calorie counting exercise for me now is just to guide my portion size again, since my band has been unfilled a teeny bit and I'm actually quite hungry. I am trying to work out what my body will burn off now that I want to maintain and whether my appetite now is appropriate to my energy needs.

I just figure that at maintenance, if you're hungry and you eat and you dont gain weight then that hunger is not inappropriate you know? So there's no need to quell it with a tighter band. But if I begin to gain, then I know I need to be less hungry and should be refilled some.

[donnabarney 0]

you are doing great. 800 calories a day is pretty low. your body will think its starving and not burn fat. you will need about 1200 calories a day and some excerise. I eat great during the day, and work out etc. its at night that I sometimes wish I could eat. I'm still working on this.

good luck.