Spent the whole day in tears!

[di1138 8]

My 31 & 32 year old son's have not been supportive about my surgery. I like to think I always had a good relationship with both of them. I feel I have gone above and beyond with both of them. Perhaps that is the problem, I have spoiled them rotten.

I could write pages on the comments they have made about the surgery but I will just give you the high-lites. Today, my youngest son said that he and his brother thought I would never be able to handle it. He asked me if I realized what I would have to give up. I have researched this for over a year and have told them many times I would have to say good bye to bread, Pasta, rice and the hardest of all diet soda. He said I am not being relalistic and will not be able to cope. Not to mention how incapacitated I will be because of the surgery. How I wont be able to get out of bed! I explained that I had to get up and walk.

It didn't matter what I said the bottom line is he is waiting to say I TOLD YOU SO.

My oldest is no better. I will just give you the worst thing he has said "so help me Mom if you don't lose weight or gain it back I will get a gun and shoot you in the head!" Of course when I got very upset! :confused2: He said it was a joke. JOKE ?? YEA RIGHT. WHO SPEAKS TO THEIR MOM LIKE THAT? :w00t:

I Don't have say another word to my youngest as he lives far away but unfortunately I need to rely on my oldest to take me to and from surgery.

I know I will prove them wrong but my heart is broken :eek: that they would react this way. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

[Katja 15]

Dear Di!

How awful that your sons are not supporting you as they should be! You can't let them get to you. You have made a wise decision to get the help you need to become healthier.

Do the band for yourself! YOU are the only one you have to please about it!

Please keep in touch. I'll be happy to help you any way I may. Lapbandtalk can give you all the support you need. We are here to help one another...

Good Luck on your journey to a new and healthy you!

Katja

[plain 12]

Di, living well is the best revenge.

[pstroud100 1]

Dear Di, I wish that you were close to me. I would happily take you to and from your surgery. I think that what your sons are doing is cruel and uncalled for. I hope that you remind that you are the one who brought them in the world and they should respect you and any decision that you make. My sister is also doing the same things that your sons are. She hasnt changed my mind and they shouldnt change yours. I hope that even though she doesnt support me now that she will support me later when she sees the results. Good luck on your journey and dont give up!

[di1138 8]

Thank you both. You are so kind. I am going to prove them wrong. Do you thing they are too old to put up for adoption?

[jetti 2]

they may be too old to put up for adoption but you can still kick their butts :-)!!! good luck on your journey Di you are going to do great and then you can say "I told you so"

[ingyrob 1]

I don't want to support your sons because what they have said is not very nice. However, the received wisdom is that large peopledo not survive surgery, but in actual fact the surgeons who do this kind of surgery are very experienced at operating on big people and the sucess rate is really good. Maybe this is what they are worried about rather than whether you will actually lose weight. You tell them that if they ask the majority of people who have have the band if they would do it again, they would say yes.

If you want to have the band, have the band,and take no notice of what anybody else says.

Good luck with your weight loss journey

[skinnyme52 0]

Diane, don't let your sons get to you. Your post hit a nerve with me because I just went through the same thing. I have 2 sons also that are very against lapband surgery. Needless to say, I am 1 week post-op and doing fine. Actually my older son is the one who came with me to Colorado from Florida for the surgery. They do not have the amount of knowledge that we have on this subject, as we have all done tons of research. They have also not gone through all the trials and tribulations that a morbidly obese person goes through on a daily basis. I got comments from them similar to you like I'll be too weak to walk, my hair will be falling out in clumps, I'll be vomitting constantly, won't be able to eat a thing etc etc. I just ignored their comments and did what I needed to do for my own wellbeing. Eventual my older son came around and agreed to accompany me to surgery and he was very supportive once we talked to the surgeon together and he realized my mind was made up. Stick to your guns and let them know how you feel and that you are going to go through with this with or without their support. Of course it will be better with and I am sure they will come around for you. Let me know how it goes. I will be thinking of you. Good luck!!!!

[Kat817 19]

USE those boys!!!!!!!!!!

Use the feelings they left you with to assure your success! When you want to backslide, and eat something you really know you would be better off without---remember the cruel things they said, and use it to help you walk away from the food in question. Make it a goal to prove them wrong, and watch their faces as this works for you!!

While planning for the worst case scenario, of not being able to eat any of those items, is a good way to assure yourself you are ready for the required work the band takes, it is not a guarantee that you will not be able to eat those things! I can eat any of them and all of them----what I cannot do is eat them in pre band amounts nor at pre band speed!

I drank Diet Dr. Pepper like there was not tomorrow! I have a small bit every month or so now, if that, it just does not appeal like it used to. It does not cause pain, it just isn't tasty most of the time now. It is in certain times it sounds good again, and I will have a small one---my Dr. does not have issue with it.

They are not using the entire equation here----they are imagining you giving up all those things without the aid of the band. That is hard to do! And even harder to stick to! But the band gives you help that they do not know anything about, and will never understand without being banded themselves.

When you learn to eat like a bandster, chewing small bites very thoroughly, it breaks your food down to a point of really tasting your food, and many, many things that used to be my favorite go to Snacks, are just plain gross to me now!!! A Little Debbies snack cake for example----gag me!!! You chew that more than a few times, and to me it feels like a mouthfull of lard! You begin to appreciate real food, vegetables for instance taste the same first chew or 20th! And while you might be able to eat the rice or potatoes, they are slow foods for me, and simply not worth the effort. To make a baked potato, loaded the way I prefer them and used to eat them, is time consuming, you first have to cook it, then mix in the butter, and sour cream, and cheese, or bacon bits or chives-------and then if you have ate in a proper manner, and filled yourself mostly up on Protein, then you have only got room for a couple of bites of the potato you spent all that time working on!!! Just not worth it anymore.

The band also helps with the actual hunger itself when you reach a point of restriction, and when you are not starving 24/7--------it makes making wiser choices much easier.

It is true the hard part is the stages post op, while you are on liquids, and learning what works for you and what doesn't and you are getting your fills started--but the excitement of actually losing weight, filled me with incentive---and like I say when those hard times hit--remember you have to do it to SHOW THEM!!!!

You CAN do this, and this board is wonderful support! Not only will you be losing weight, soon they will also hear you talking about people on the site here like they are close personal friends!! Then they will really wonder!!!

Just a question out of curiosity---are your boys dealing with their own weight issues??

Take Care, and Hang Tough!!!

Kat

[Cathrine Ray 0]

Hang in there. Sometimes we have to become a island and do what we have to do for ourselves. They will come around and be there.. Hang in there girl. You are worth it. I didn't tell to many friends and family until after the surgery for this reason... I still haven't told my best friend and may never... I have to take care of me.. I had my surgery last Friday and the ones I didn't tell didn't suspect a thing.... Oh they all know I'm always dieting so for them they will think THIS ONE WORKED.... I'll say you can do it.... Just say no..... That is what they have told me for years....

[di1138 8]

I am so glad I found this site! The more I read here I find it is not unusual for family not to support their bandisters. It seems mine are nott the only ones who have gotten nasty. I have only told my very best friend, son's and daughter-in-law. You all and my best friend are the one who supports me and gives lots of encouragement. I am very fortunate to have you all! Continued success to all of you! Thank you