Worried/Confused/Need to Understand

gfjeblon · July 31, 2008

My wife is scheduled to be banded in September. She needs to loose 125 lbs. We have been married for 28 years and when my wife was ill, I have always been there for her. It is heart wrenching when a loved one is in pain and this is where I ask you all for some insight. Be patient with my writting because I want to lay down a path. She has gone through 3 cesarean births, emergency gall bladder operation and a open heart operation. That is allot of pain to deal with. We went and saw the salesman/surgeon and he said that she was a candidate for the lap band procedure. She needed to go to a nutritionist.The surgeon stated he would not let her loose to much weight before the surgery. I have been monitoring your discussions and listened to some scary situations. Such as, band slipping, infections with fill site, site moving, throwing up, high fevers, bands becoming undone, loosing insurance and having no way to pay for follow up procedures, surgeons not honoring any defects, no long term studies (what do you do with it when you are 70), what happens with violent regurgitation from food poisoning, what happens if somebody does the Heimlich Manoeuvre, traveling abroad, etc. I know this does not happen to everyone, but it does happen. As her husband, I will have to watch this happen and take of her. Her previous surgeries were easier to understand because it was not elective. The lap band is suppose to be a tool to help in the weight lose struggle. It seems this tool has allot of exposed rusty edges. I also am 100 lbs. over weight and decided that this risk is not practical for me. Looking at the lap band diet plan made me realize this is not hard. All I need is a focal point (something you love, hate despise, anything) to dismiss any hunger urges. Today, I have lost 30 lbs. in 2 months. The final question to you all is, Was it worth it. The pain, expense, unknowing of the future, and the worries your loved one received.

She is still going through with it and I will support her in anyway shape or form. Any insight, wisdom, or thoughts will be really appreciated so that I can understand this event.

Thank You,

GJ

vballmom · July 31, 2008

I have no regrets. Ive lost 63 pounds since New Years. I still have quite a bit to lose, but I feel so much better already. You mentioned that you thought the doctor was a salesman/doctor. I would strongly suggest that your wife get a second opinion and a doctor that you both have complete confidence in. I have not experienced any problems with my lapband and do not know of anyone who has in my circle of friends. Best wishes to your wife and kudos to you for caring so much about your wife's health. I also think there is a section on this site for seniors who have been banded, you might want to check that out.

gfjeblon · July 31, 2008

Thank you for your thoughts and I pray you do not fall to any of my listed issues

kamica · July 31, 2008

Aww, I could just hug you. Let me ask you one question. What if nothing bad happens, and she ends up exactly like she wants to be? There are no guarantees in life. She could have had a number of problems with the operations that you described, but she did'nt. Sometimes you have to make choices based on faith alone. I prayed about the surgery for months, and when I finally got a surgery date, I was still a maniac. But, I'm so glad I did it. I'm ony 7 weeks out, but my mindset is already focused, and positive. I've not bought clothes for next season, because I KNOW that I won't need them. That is a GREAT feeling. One I'm sure your wife dreams of. Good luck to you both.

Harkingluv · July 31, 2008

GJ, it was definitely worth it. I had been tossing the idea around with my husband and we looked into it for about a year and a half. Finally one day, after complaining about how I could never lose the weight, etc, etc...he finally looked at me and said if you want the surgery, i will pay for it. So that is what we did. I paid for it out of pocket because i didn't want to have to jump thru all of the hoops my insurance company wanted me too. I looked up a good surgeon, one that had support groups every month, covered my fills for one year and all my follow-up appts for one year. I think if you take the time to research surgeons, you won't have any problems post-op.

I haven't had any of the vomiting/pb-ing problems that some of my fellow banders have had. THere is a less than 3 percent chance of slippage. The main thing is to know when you are full and follow the directions that your surgeon has given to you.

Plus, the surgery (as long as it is done laproscopically) has a really quick recovery time. It is not going to take her 6 weeks to get over this like it did when she had C-sections or heart surgery. It is a really quick recovery. I had my surgery on Thursday and I was back at school the following monday.

Re: expense. I think $16K is a small price to pay to gain a longer life and have more time with my son. You can't put a price on how it feels to be able to run after your child and not get out of breath in a few steps. Plus, I have potentially warded off diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and all the other medical issues that might have popped up in my life if I didn't have this surgery.

It was definitely worth it!!!! I would do it again in a heart beat. Good luck to your wife!!!

snowbird · July 31, 2008

Oh, dear, if I could only count the number of times I have lost 20 or 30 lb through dieting. Yet I was on my way back up to my highest weight of 255 when I had lap band surgery last October. I was pre diabetic, hypertensive, and had some bad knee pain. Now my blood sugar is 88, my blood pressure is 110/65, and I'm riding my bike 15 miles a day with no knee pain. I felt sore for a week or two after surgery, but managed the flight and two hour drive home the third day after the operation with no problem.

Yes, I occasionally pb when I eat too fast or the wrong things. This is not a complication; it's the band stopping me from eating badly. I followed my doctor's pre op diet and lost 19 lb before surgery, but that certainly didn't make me feel I could lose what I needed to just by dieting, because without the surgery the loss wouldn't last. I followed all my doctor's post op diet recommendations and stuck to liquids for 3 weeks. I have had no complications and feel the band has been a total success for me.

You could not pay me $160,000 to go back to the way I was before this surgery. I know you are worried about your wife's embarking on elective surgery, but please be very sure you are not letting your fears of how she may be able to beat obesity and become a new, happier person, intrude on your opinion of the surgery. The risks she runs from continuing to harm her body through her obesity are much greater than the risks she runs from the surgery itself.

By the way, my husband and I were banded the same day. I wouldn't have it any other way, as we support each other, share our meals, commiserate (with a smile on our faces) about our bands, and understand each other's roadblocks and victories better than anyone else could. My daughter is banded too. This is the best thing that could have ever happened to our family.

brown bear · July 31, 2008

The benefits outweigh the risks, so I agree with the others on that. The risks are really quite small compared to the poor health many of us start with.

Just wanted to add that a good friend of mine recently had bypass surgery and her husband elected not to but he started eating portions closer to her portion size and exercising with her and now he has lost more weight than her. It has worked out very well for them as he is her biggest supporter and it really helps both of them even though only one had surgery.

gfjeblon · July 31, 2008

These are good encouraging words. It is true that you cannot truly understand someones feelings till you walk in their shoes. I will try to understand all your comments, but my heart full of concerns. No matter what, she will have my support. That's what it is all about!

Harkingluv · August 1, 2008

Good luck with everything. Keep us posted on her and your progress!!!

Blessed2 · August 1, 2008

GJ, You appear to be a very loving and concerned husband, but there are risks in everything you do in life. It sounds like your wife has had numerous medical procedure done in the past and was able to recover just fine. I have not been banded as of date but currently going through the process. I am so optimistic and ethusiastic about improving the quality of my life and omitting comorbidities. Congratulations on your 30lb weight loss and I wish your wife the best of luck as she moves forward to her band date. :cursing:

thelonedaisy · August 1, 2008

you are the sweetest fella i know of (except mine) hee hee hee.

you have a lot of great thoughts here read up talk to your wife and go with what works for both of you!

i know i could NEVER done this with out the support of my husband!!! he is my best friend and my lover and know all my thoughts. So your supporting her in this is fantastic!

good luck and God bless