need help!!!

[jswear2g 0]

Hi, this is my first post. My mother who is 74 had the lap band done in 2006 and as of July 29th she has lost 136 lbs. I have tried to be very supportive thru this whole ordeal. She went from being very overweight to now she is underweight. I went with her to her appointment with the nutritionist on the 29th and she told her she is underweight and that she is now loosing lean body mass. Her doctor has also told her the same thing. She has lost 23 lbs from her last appointment in May. They say that her Protein count is on the low side of low. On the 29th they did take out 2 cc's of saline out of her lap band. Up until this time she had the maximum in it that it could hold. Up until this appointment she thought she looked wonderful. A number of family members and friends have tried to talk to her but she just thinks that everyone is jealous. I think that she thought when she went to these appointments everyone was going to tell her how wonderful she looks. This did not happen. Now she is being mean and uncooperative. She is very angry. What as a family are do we do. Any suggestions. We are concerned about her health.

thanks

jswear2g

[Jonnycat1 0]

I'm working on getting banded. Having been very heavy in my youth, losing much if not all of the weight I needed to lose and now, having gained most if not all of it back, I can give you a few points of view that your Mother is going through. First, the comment you make about "trying to be supportive". In that kind of language, this says to me that you are only being supportive, because you have to, not because you want to. Being genuinely concerned and being OVERLY PROTECTIVE, are two entirely different things. You need to focus your mind differently on approaching your mother and how you deal with things. Statements like "I've tried to be supportive" indicate that you don't trust the person inherently and this can create an emotional chasm between you and the other person that can have ill effects later on.

My second insight to you is that having been an EXTREMELY obese person, migrating to the EXTREMELY FIT and healthy thin person, I never truly saw how wonderful I looked. I always thought I was still fat. I look at pictures now and wince, knowing that the person in that picture was thinking that he was still disgustingly fat, even though he looked AMAZING in the picture. The problem is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a psychiatric disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by an imagined or minor defect in his or her physical features. This is especially common with people who have lost a tremendous amount of weight, or have eating disorders.

The only suggestion I can give you is that perhaps you gently encourage your Mother to speak to her physician and/or you possibly speak to her physician on the side asking if he/she could recommend that your Mother see a psychotherapist. Perhaps the one that did the Bariatric Surgical Evaluation to go over these issues. Please just be careful when approaching your Mother. Be patient and understanding, because the last thing you want to do is to alienate her and her feelings by trying too hard to "Dr. Phil" her into seeing that this is a problem. Your mother needs to come to this conclusion on her own, with some really great, nurturing psychotherapy.

Now that I'm on the other side again, anxiously trying to get back, I have overcome this issue and know that when I get where I need to be, I will be the most thankful person in the world.

Best of luck to you and remember to be really proud of your mother and her accomplishments. A 74 year old lady who lost that much weight deserves to kick up her heels and live a little! Enjoy this time with her!

Edited July 31, 2008 by Jonnycat1

[jswear2g 0]

Thanks for the advice. You made some very good points. It never occured to me that maybe she still sees herself as still being overweight. I think you are right. When she buys new clothes they are always way to big for her and just hang on her. This makes sense. Thanks