My husband needs the band too...

[HamuChan 0]

I decided to get the band a few years ago, I pursued it and here I am.

My husband is as big or bigger than me. Has elevated liver functions from fatty liver, type 2 diabetes, and high cholesterol. The big problem here is that he is the most stubborn person that I know. His parents spoiled him ROTTEN and he has eaten whatever he wanted from day one. He ALWAYS gets the double cheeseburgers and super sizes. I told him that to not take care of your body is selfish to your potential children and to me. And he always says that he will "try harder." But NOTHING ever happens.

I got the lap-band for him, me, and my potential children (have none yet). I love him so much but I don't know how to explain to him that this has GOT to get drastic. He needs a lap-band!!! But could he even stick to it without slipping his band!?? I am SO worried!! You can't force someone to get the band! Especially someone like my hubby who is as stubborn as a mule!

Have any of you recommended the band to someone you loved? Maybe someone who is stubborn as well? Just curious.

[vinesqueen 2]

About 3 years ago I was one step short of giving my husband an untimatium. One baby step. Get WLS or I leave. I know that probably makes me sound cruel, heartless or at best, very shallow. I'm sure we've all experienced dating someone who gave that ultimatium, or used our weight as a stick to beat us with.

The one difference between me and "those" people is, I suppose, a matter of degree. My husband had reached 600 pounds. And being about 400 pounds over weight is quite a differnent matter than being 40 pounds over weight. Not only was his weight causing him all sorts of really bad health issues, it was starting to negatively impact my health, namely depression. It is very hard to function when you are greiving for someone's eminate death. Especially if that process goes on for years.

Hamu, You didn't say how big your husband it, other than big.

But you know what, that doesn't really matter. This will probably sound hard, but it probably doesn't even matter what you say or want. WLS is intensly personal. It may be that your husband will never have WLS, and that might be hard too once you start losing serious weight and find your energy level outpaces his.

I've always been skeptical about using the "I'm doing this for other people" motivation to change things about ourselves. I'm not saying you didn't get the band or the right reasons, that isn't for me (or anyone else) to say differently. But I don't think that if we do something for someone else in an ultuistic manner that we can seriously expect other poeple to act in kind. It would be nice, but I think it ain't gonna happen.

So, I suppose that is a long winded way of saying that I don't think your husband will get the band unless and until he decides that he needs the band. He might be motivated in a couple of years to do something after you've been sucessful, but then, he might not. He may simply not think that he's got weight issues that are severe enough.

It is hard to watch the people who are in a death spiral. It is doubly hard if we love and cherish those people. After all, who wouldn't push someone out of the way of a speeding truck to save their life? Unfortuantely, we can do nothing for those who like to play in traffic.

[the best me 6]

My brother and his wife were worried sick and skeptical when I told them my plans to get banded. So was my sister, parents, and anyone else who knew, but they supported my decision anyway and here I am. so here's what they are saying/doing now...

My sister: went with me to MX to get banded. She's waiting on the money and planning to get banded herself, even planning on seeing Dr Kuri in Mx.

My brother: supportive, just got back from his check-up last week and his cholesterol is over 300, blood pressure is high, thyroid is low, and doc said to quit smoking and drinking beer (he drinks several after work daily) and he needs to lose at least 50 pounds. Unchecked wieght issues are a problem, yes?

His wife: found out that HER sister-in-law was getting banded on the same day I was. So now she's looking into it...she has LOTS to lose, maybe 150 pounds?

My cousin: called me from California to see how I was doing post-surgery and told me she was proud of me for doing something about it.

My Dad: has Medicare and wants me to find out how much out-of-pocket it would take for him to get banded!

My Mom: 66 years old and maintaining her petite and curvey figure by buying Jenny Craig food every month. But it works and she weighs 134 and looks great. She still thinks I should be able to eat like she does and lose weight without the band. Oh well.

the Band is NOT for everyone. You can't MAKE your hubby get banded, change his eating, get healthy, stop Biggie-sizing, any of that. Don't be his food Police. Just do what YOU need to do. He will realize things on his own over time. Maybe he can do it without the Band, maybe he will decide someday that one of the Gastric Bypass operations are better suited for him. Don't walk his journey for him. Don't worry yourself to pieces for him. Let his journey take him along. One of these days he'll show up at the doc's office like my brother did and find out the bad news about his health. And I promise, my brother KNEW he needed to quit smoking, drinking, lose weight, and lower his cholesterol and blood pressure. This was NOT new news, but it IS a new day. The same will happen to your hubby. The best thing you and do is concern yourself with YOU, and just love him, don't judge him.

[DeniseG 3]

You are never going to change your husband's mind, so you might as well get over that. It will have to be his idea.

Best thing to do after surgery. Start losing weight and take care of yourself. Be active with your kids. When He starts to see how hot you look and how he feels left out because you and your kids are leaving him out of the fun stuff he could be participating in if he had lost the weight too?............he will have second thoughts probably.

His holding out is more than likely a control issue. Sad that that is the issue he wishes to be in control of......but, I think many of us have been there. Don't worry about your husband at this time......Worry about your own health. After all only you can control that.

[La_madam 20]

In my opinion, him seeing your progress is the best thing to make him change his mind and want to take a step to a healthier person. I have found the more you nag or the more you try to tell someone what to do, the more they rebel. Many of my friends were skeptical, 2 of them have been banded since me after seeing my progress.

My husband is 6'1 200 lbs at best, he does no exercise and eats whatever he wants & smokes. I was on his case for the last 6 months about eating healthier and stop smoking and exercise with me, he never did, now I just go about my business and eat healthy, I walk in theevenings, since I have gotten off his back and he sees me moving in the right direction to a healthier life he has decided to join me and walk with me and eat healthier and he has really cut back on his smoking. I have elearned I need to worry about me and my health and not my husbands, he knows I love him very much but he has to be the one who wants to change becasue if he is doing it for me, it will not last. He has to want to do it for him!

[Infaith 1]

I agree with Michelle (LaMadam).

I was one of those that said....I would never go to such drastic measures and especially go to Mexico for my surgery. My sister wanted me to go with her last year (in June) and was very caring and cautious how she approached me. After I said no, she left me alone about it and let me come to her. After watching her for a few months and the success she was having I started asking more and more questions. By November I made the phone call to ask her if she wanted to go with me to Tijuana to see Dr. Ortiz. It was the best decision I have ever made regarding my health, but I had to come into my own about it.

You've said your peace, now do what you have to do and let him see what it does for you.

Take care!