Brother dying from alcoholism

[juliegeraci 7]

Its getting really bad. My brother is 43 years old. He lives with my parents for the last 2 years or so. He is unemployed. He drinks about 2 5th a day. He does have a drivers license but that will be revoked soon since he has been missing his driving classes. He has had multiple DUIs, bicycle crashes, ambulance rides, detoxes, rehabs, etc. etc. The longest time he has been sober the last couple years is approximately 2 months. My parents need to get a grip. They have told him numerous time they will evict him, take him out of the will, etc. Nothing has helped. How can a person hit rock bottom when they have a place to live? How can you see them killing themselves right before your eyes and not be able to do anything. Nothing has helped. My parents sent him to rehab twice in the last year.

[ElusiveQuality 22]

Julie,

Can you and your parents visit some Al-Anon meetings to learn about enabling alcholics? If he's un-employed, where is he getting the money to buy booze?

Your parents are probably living in as much fear as your brother but don't know what to do. In Al-Anon, there are parents that have lived through the same problem and can work with your parents to learn how to better handle the situation.

Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen

Please PM if you'd like to chat.

Good Luck.

Edited July 30, 2008 by ElusiveQuality

[juliegeraci 7]

Thanks for the post. I've been to several meetings but my parents do not attend. We keep telling my mom to go but I think she is so scared to hear the truth she hasn't. It will be interesting as he is going to be forced into sobriety again when he goes to jail for his failure to appear for 3 drunks in public last week. Typically it only lasts until he gets out so we will see. Thanks again.

[Daisalana 33]

Sadly, this is something your brother has to want; no one else's want matters.

My uncle is an alcohlic, who is killing himself.. He DOES have a job, makes great money, just bought a new SUV & a brand new big house on a golf course.. you'd think he'd wise up to it.. he use to be a personal trainer, through the years he has put on a lot of weight, and he is drunk every waking hour, parties every day of the week, drinks in gross excess.. but anyway, last year he was diagnosed with diabetes.. and they gave him insulin. Doctor TOLD him he is going to die SOON if he doesn't stop the alcohol. He didn't listen. He didn't take his insulin either. So he keeps packing on the pounds, and drinks non-stop.. he has several DUI's, his latest one he is still going to court for (he didn't take the plea, and is going to a jury trial--which I think was a stupid choice)..

Anyway, about 2 months ago, everything finally caught up to him.. somehow he got a sore on his foot (his feet were horrible looking, we kept telling him he would lose them.. again, didn't listen) and this sore ended up 'growing' since diabetes have the hard time healing and what not.. it ended up getting to be about 1.5" deep. The doc told him, he may have to cut the hole out of his leg, or cut the foot off. It FINALLY clicked. He stopped cold turkey, and this is the longest he's ever lasted.. 46 days.. He goes to AA, and he's obsessed with it right now, hes always going.. and he asks us (who don't really drink) what you do when you don't drink..so we've made a point to invite him everytime we go out and do non-alcoholic activities.. movies, dinner, etc.

Didn't mean to make this so long, but we've tried interventions, cried, begged, pleaded, etc.. and it took him realizing (not being told by his doctor) he was about to lose his foot.. to get it together.

Hopefully it lasts, good luck to your brother.. hopefully he finds his reason soon.

[nina874 48]

I 'managed' my mums alchoholism for about 15 years, we tried everything, hiding all the booze, taking her car keys off her, locking her indoors, crying , pleading etc etc etc.

The one thing that I never did was stop loving her, which was unfortunate really as I followed AlAnons advice and eventually withdrew all support, thus trying to make her 'hit rock bottom'..... she died 2 weeks later.

It would have been a hell of a lot easier if I hadnt loved her so much, and it would have been a hell of a lot easier to deal with the grief if I hadnt been tortured with the knowledge of what had happened in the 2 weeks that I withdrew my support.

If you are sure that you brother is going to die and you love him, then I suggest that you try to make the most of the time that you have with him, cherish the sober moments, make sure he cant harm anyone else, make it as difficult as possible for him to get drink, and try to remember that he is your brother and that you love him.

[HeatherO 7]

I feel your pain. I have dealt with alcoholism in my own family which made for a very rocky, unhappy childhood. I hope he sees the light at some point. I really hope the parents can start seeking help to understand how to deal with this addiction to stop enabling him.

[Nanook 2]

Dealing with a parent who died from alcoholism (found dead on the floor with a glass of scotch still frozen in his hand) is hard enough if I have to do this again with a sibling or a child I don't know if I could as it's so painful!!! Good luck to you and your family and get support for yourself. Nancy.:thumbup:

[Suann 0]

Sorry you are going through this...I just lost my sister in April due to drinking is died of liver disease at the age of 45....We had tried everything but she wasn't ready to make the change in her life to stop drinking ...even after the doctors told her if you don't stop you will be dead in 2 years and it took about a 1 1/2 years....We stayed with her and took care of her till the end....it was the hardest thing to see my sister go through....So I am sorry and hope your brother wakes up one day and my makes a change that will save his life.....

[juliegeraci 7]

Suann, thank you for the post. I am an alcoholic too and have battled my demons for about 5 years. I am sober now, thank God. My brother is still out and drinking. He goes sober for like a month then goes back out. Hopefully he will give his ego to God and seek help. He doesn't believe in AA, says all they do is talk about drinking. I go to AA at least 1-2 times a day and it has really helped me. My life is in God's hands and one day I hope my brother finds the same. Thanks again and I am sorry for the loss of your sister.