Finally talking about it

[chicalynn 0]

I have finally started talking to my close friends and a few of my family about my potential lap band procedure. I have been overweight all my life and I have major emotional issues about it. I struggled all through school as the bigger one in every group I was associated with. it wasn't until I was 22 and I began a Dr supervised weight loss medication program (yes the dreaded phenfen) and lost over 75 lbs that I saw what life could be like for thinner women. I was in size 8 clothes for the first time in my entire life. however, when those medications were stopped, all those pounds and about 100 more came back. After my dad's sudden death five years later, I dealt with the pain the best I knew how. I am now at a VERY unhealthy weight and starting to see that I may die earlier if somethign is not done. I have cheated death many times in the past 8 years because of my reckless and self destructive behaviors due to grief and depression. I have severe joint pain and knee pain from arthritis, with baker's cyst. I now have high blood pressure and sleep apnea. I have been in denial about my weight being the cause of all my pains for the past 2 or 3 years until now. My body is so tired of supporting my denials. I have a very stressful and rigorous sales job that has really taken a toll on me physically and emotionally. I feel like I need to just lay down and die sometimes. I am literally that tired. My friends are all obsessed with their weight but they have no idea what it really feels like to be this size. They all need to loose about 20-30 lbs which is peanuts to the amount of weight I need to loose.....I have totally and completely withdrawn from my social life with them b/c all they do is talk about their diets. I have 2 friends who I have confided in totally (one being my brother) and I never feel like I need to put up a front with them. however I need support from people who feel or have felt like me. I am in a holding pattern for the next 6 months due to the unreasonable demands from my insurance company. i need to be able to talk back and forth to someone who understands the darkness around being overweight (I hate the word obese!). As I type these words I can not stop the emotions coming from me because I have kept all of this bottled up for so long. Even if no one reads these I know that just by posting my words on here throughout my process will be theraputic for me. Thanks for taking the time to hear me today.

[fleminld 0]

Your not alone here. A lot of us have emotional issues as a result of being so much over weight and any we had before gaining all the weight is amplified. Be pacient and work with your insurance. I sent in my insurance paperwork back in October 07 and my surgery is next week. I recommend to start watching what your eating so that you are ahead of the game on the amount of weight you are required to loose. I was able to loose all mine prior to the pre-op diet time and don't have such a strict diet to do just before surgery. Also start walking even if only one block at a time. I hope all goes well for you.

[Elayne 0]

chicalynn,

I understand your anguish

And I'm certain most (if not all) the people on this forum understand.

It's important that you DO find a support person to encourage you along the way.

I'm pretty much house-bound by choice -

Public "appearances" humiliate me beyond description.

I haven't bought any clothing in years and few shoes fit me.

The "good" part of this weight load is the diabetes type II which makes it imperative to finally do something. It WILL kill me some day - after destroying an organ or forcing the removal of some toe or foot or leg!

My husband of almost 25 years is a fine man and father - however he has distanced himself from me emotionally and physically.

The recent decision and determination has brought out a new closeness (not THAT close yet) and friendship. I never thought he could be this communicative and supportive.

Surprise!

Please limit yourself to those people who will support you - not question you motives or sabotage your efforts and determination.

If your brother and your other friend understand and give you the feedback you need - LEAN on them.

Go to a seminar on weigh loss surgery ASAP!

Get the facts

Get the process in motion.

Get a consult appointment ASAP!

Use this lapbandtalk forum frequently

It's full of understanding people who know what it's like to be in turmoil.

You'll learn the hard facts - the hopeful facts - and get support every step of the way.

(I lost a father too and there is so much other "crap" I've dealt with in my life as well - so feel free to private message me any time)

[losingjusme 12]

hi, welcome to LBT.

i know what you mean about being withdrawn. i didnt want to do ANYTHING. i would have my husband do everything. except when i went grocery shopping... i always managed to go there and get crap to eat.

i am now down about 160 pounds and have a ways to go still, but i am just about 12 weeks pregnant, so it's on hold for now. :thumbup:

the lap band not only changed my life, i truly believed it saved my life. the way i was going, i'd probably be about 450 by now.

best of luck to you.

[anniecat 0]

I hope things go well for you.

[hopelives124 0]

YOU are most certainly not alone. All of us can identify with the feelings of hopelessness and shame that obesity carries with it. So many of us have blamed ourselves for so long and loathed everything about ourselves. While I believe that indivdiual responsibility is crucial in life I also believe THAT WE ARE FACED WITH A MEDICAL PROBLEM THAT HAS NEVER BEEN TAKEN SERIOUSLY. Diabetes have insulin, there are medications to prevent or limit alcohol consumption, but with weight it has ALWAYS been you can just do it if you had a little more willpower.

For so many of us willpower ie wanting to do it our own is what has gotten us into this pickle to begin with. We tend to be strong sometimes over-achieving people who take care of everything and everyone except for ourselves. Since I made the decision, deep in my heart and soul to finally take care of myself, and have the lapband, I have taken better care of myself over-all, my appearanc, my relationships and my ability to say no.

I have heard so many times it is not really about food. And to some extent, that is true, but having great and grave difficultly controlling our intake of food IS about food. Those who do not struggle with that do not understand. WE DO.

I support and encourage you 100% do not ever ever give up.

after all HOPELIVES!!

[Guest Leslie2Lose]

chicklyn - I could have almost written that myself. I was so depressed (after years and years of denial). All I wanted to do was sleep. I alienated myself from friends and family. I was so ashamed of the person I'd become.

My kids would ask me to play with them - I was too tired. My husband would want to have sex - I was too tired. I was too tired to clean the house, do the laundry, do yardwork. I amaized I managed to get out of bed to get to work. I would call in sick because I wouldn't feel like getting out of bed. It affected EVERY aspect of my life. If you'd ask me describe the last ten years of my life - I'd say tired...with the exception of the past few months.

For the first time I am in control. I went to the beach this past weekend and actually built a sand castle. I look in the mirror and am starting to like who is looking back at me. I almost don't recognise myself.

This forum has been a blessing for me. My family has been supportive as well, but they don't understand the struggles that we go through. Stop in anytime you feel you need extra support, a shoulder to cry on or have something great you want to rave about.

What doctor is doing your surgery? I found a local group (not a support group), but a few of us that were banded by the same doctor. We get together on here and chat and some of us get together in person. It really helps having someone in your life that understands you. Reach out - I'm sure you can find someone. Call your doctor and ask them if anyone is looking for a "buddy".

I wish you well and peace.

[chicalynn 0]

Thanks for everyone who has replied to me. I feel so much better after having a *slight* emotional breakdown last night. lol. Today I began my first exercise program in more than 3 years. I know it will get easier and easier the more I go. I am going for my 2nd sleep study appt in a few weeks, as well as a pysch appt which is requirement of my insurance company. Any suggestions for that appt? I have a feeling the appt is only for insurance purposes. I have 6 months of dr supervised weight program before they will approve the surgery. I was just so ready to have it done last month when I went to my first consult appointment. I quickly got my medical evaluations that my consult required (sleep study, cardiologist, blood work) and now have to wait. Kinda deflated my bubble. BUT, now that I'm working through it and starting my little lifestyle change program with small plates at meals and exercise. My PA at the dr's office said she wants to really focus on prepping me for after surgery life these next 6 months. I've been reading tons of posts on here now and know that there is so much I have to change to make this the most successful procedure.

So I'll keep updating my profile as things change and move along. thanks again for helping me last night with your words of encouragement. It's good to be able to talk to people who truly understand. :biggrin2:

[Elayne 0]

Good for you.

It's hard to have hope when you've been denying yourself for years.

I find myself smiling and looking forward to wearing pretty clothes again and not having a panic attack if I catch my reflection in a store.

I have no doubt that I will move forward with this most important Quest to get myself back.

I'm sure you're starting to see some sunshine beyond that closed door as well.

I have one stumbling block ahead and then I see nothing but progress.

My GP may not be supportive.

("Just stop eating so much and go running at dawn like I do"

JERK! :wink2: )

I see him Aug 7 and I'm mentally going thru my "speech" over and over again.

Did you have any problem with your general Dr.??

[chicalynn 0]

Actually I didn't even start with my primary dr. Isn't that horrible? I have not been to her in almost 4 years for anything and I am fortunate enough to have a PPO insurance that doesn't require me to go to my primary. This whole thing started with a sudden change in my menstrual cycle that scared the crap out of me. For someone who has avoided the doctor for many years, I sure did see a lot of them suddenly. It was enough to send me in to a full anxiety attach to the point that I easily mistakened it for a mild heart attack. I immediately called this Center here in the area after seeing a commercial while in the midst of my anxiety attack. My blood pressure was through the roof, etc.....so that is what started it. I went immediately to cardiologist and did stress testing, etc....I realized I was this close to being a statistic. so no, no problems from my primary doc. i'm not taking my health for granted any more.

Stay strong with your dr. appt! Just remember that your primary doctor is not a specialist who understands about overweight. I draw this conclusion from the statement you made about him saying to get up and run at dawn. I'll be thinking about ya on Aug 7.

[Elayne 0]

Hi chicalynn -

After staring at my silent phone for 2 1/2 days, waiting for the promised call from the surgeon's office, it rang at 4:50 on Friday afternoon as I was ready to head out the door (without a cell-phone)

Sept 4 - the REAL business starts.

I have a speech ready for Dr. Macho.

He can't argue rising glucose numbers!

Another wonderful benefit of this Quest is the pro-active self respect we can learn and incorporate along the way.

As for the psych appointment -

(I see a psychiatrist/therapist regularly)

I suggest that you acknowledge the body-image-appearance factor

BUT -

more importantly -

make a clear statement about how your major concern is for your health and quality of life for your future.

They want to make sure that you are not deluding yourself about the "happily ever after" a slimmer body will bring.

Assure them that HEALTH is the first priority of your decision.

[chicalynn 0]

thanks for the words of advice, elayne.