UUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Non supportive family

[chic28 0]

Good luck to you. I'll be banded on the July 31st also...at 6:30 am. Starting to freak out a little!

[christmaseve70 0]

My sister, who is a nurse anesthetist and tells me HORROR STORIES of gastric bypasses and lap bandings gone wrong while on the operating table, always tells me that all I need is to just "stick with Weight Watchers" because I'll have to eat the same way post surgery anyway. My other sister and brothers, as well as my mother have tried to dissuade me through fear and guilt but I'm done with it all. I told my mother that my mind was made up and I'm starting the process to get the lap banding done, and she's done a turn-around and is supporting me, but I made her swear not to tell anyone else in my family until after the operation and the things move along well enough, then I'll tell them. The only people to know are my mother, husband, and children. It's my decision and my health or lack thereof right now, so I am relying on me and no one else.

[Jonnycat1 0]

Hello all. I have been talking with and sometimes AT my friends and family about my decision to move forward with the Lap Band surgery and just recently found an AMAZING program that was done by PBS. It's called Fat: What No One Is Telling You. You can find the program, that you can watch online by typing the title into a Google search or try the link I am including. Instead of trying to talk about this with my friends and family, I am just sending this link to all of them asking them to watch the entire program and REALLY listen to what they are saying and that it is VERY important to me that they understand what and why I'm doing what I'm doing. I can only hope that by repeatedly asking them if they have watched it, they finally will and will grasp that it's not just as simple as eating less and working out more for some people to lose weight. Some of us have something wired into us that makes this difficult, if not impossible.

I urge all of you to watch this program, all 11 segments of it, because there were parts that just struck me and some parts that eloquently put into words, the explanation, both clinically and in layman's terms so that people can understand what I go through.

As for me, my file is currently under review, I have my psych eval. tomorrow, then I'm off to the nutritionist and hopefully to the surgeon soon!

FAT: What No One Is Telling You - Watching: Chapter 1 | PBS

[christmaseve70 0]

Thanks very much for that information! I'm going to watch it when I come home from work today!

[legdxdlr 0]

I'm in the same boat. I feel like everyone i tell has something negative or non-supportive to say. That is the reason I came looking for this site. I needed support from somewhere. I needed to know that I am not alone, that there are others going through the same changes and overcoming the same obstacles. I have been told that i don't weigh enough to have lap band surgery by someone who has had the surgery. I am 5'7" and weighed 267 at consult(BMi 41) so since i'm getting the band on 8/13 i guess i do weigh enough. I have also been told that i don't need surgery, that i just need to diet because i have lost weight before. Yeah i lost 30-40 lbs before out of 100 i need to lose and of course gained it all back! I did'nt want to tell my mother, but i finally did, and it went as i expected-negative, negative, negative. She is morbidly obese also and has had 2 heart attacks and still smokes. She said that i'm just always looking for a quick fix and that i can never stick with anything! How's that for support? It seems like everyone i have told, i have immediately had to defend myself and my decision. So, i gave up and started looking for support elsewhere. I wish everyone the best of luck(i'm getting teary eyed). You are all making the right choice for you, and after all this is about us and not anyone else right?

[vez 0]

She is more than likely worried about the risk of surgery. Your family is concerned for you. My family were very concerned at first. NOw there are the biggest supporters. I have had my band for 5 years now. Give them time and show them how much it has helped you.

[pstroud100 1]

Soooo I had my psych appointment for surgical clearence on thursday. I was asked how my family was doing with my decison to do the surgery. I told her about my sister and she was not surprised. She told me that she will come around in time. I am not so sure. I hope so. I tried to talk to again last night and she said that she cannot support me through the surgery. I told her that it was OK. When I lost all my weight she could have all my fat clothes. She was not so happy with that but it shut her up. I am no longer going to worry about her. I am doing this for me and me alone. If my family cant see whats important to me then I am not important to them. Good luck on everyones journey. I cant wait until my surgery.... the doctor is saying the end of NOV- First of DEC. I am aiming for the middle of NOV. Wish me luck!

[Miss Undastood 0]

I agree with you pstroud. Im having my surgery done this month and I go back to school next month. I decide that im not going to tell anyone at school because they are going to make a big deal about it and do typical childish crap(gossip,rumors,hating) Im too good to be subjected to negativity. The only people that knows is my family.

The only person in my family that is not supportive is my older sister. She heavy too. She was saying dumb remarks like (you stupid if you want to have people cut you open and sew you back) But yet she started considering the surgery. I guess she doesn't want me 2 me thin (dumbass)

Well that's her personal problem. Im on my way to a healthier,happier, & more confident me and im never looking back.

By the way good luck to everyone with their weight loss journey.

[wickedme 0]

I don't think you can predict peoples reactions.. I told my sister in law first, she wrote back not to do it,, its to scary and the diet is too restrictive and I would never be able to handle it... A friend?? said thats great, but its going to suck if your thinner then me.. what?? Another friends comment was.. she just needs more drama in her life!! lol (we're not speaking) my overweight friends are envious but happy for me, some have already had surgery and look and feel fabulous, my heaviest friend has other health issues right now, but needs to consider doing something drastic ASAP or her 4 kids might lose her. I have a sister who I haven't told. She is into naturalistic healing, a vegetarian, 6 ft and never been more then 30 lbs overweight. She is coming to spend a week with us so the subject will come up.. She is kind and takes time to think about her responses, but doesn't say anything at all which is even more annoying. She was convinced that my cholesterol problems were because of what I eat,, when she found out one of my brothers (one of 5, the only thin one) had higher then me she accepted the fact that its hereditary and she just got the better genes.. She thought accupuncture could cure my adenomyosis and pre cancer cells on my cervix so I didn't need a hysterectomy.. Shes extremely intelligent but doesn't live in reality at times I think..

My heaviest brother said,, you really need to do something about your weight,, I asked if mine was successful if he would consider it and he said his blood levels are better then ever and he lost 2 lbs in 4 months..??? He is pre diabetic and has already had a heart attack.. I am really worried about him.

So, you just never know how people will respond.. If they start to give me the whole speech about researching and knowing what I"m getting into I tell them I wouldn't be thinking about it if I hadn't taken the last six months to look into it. I need to do this because I can't do it on my own. If they think I am weak, then they have no idea what I go through on a daily basis and how much strength it takes me to get through the day.. emotionally and physically. I am a force to be reckoned with on a bad day,, mayby they are just scared what I will be like on a good day!!

[g00dbyefat 0]

Sorry to hear...that sucks! I agree that I think it's jealousy.

Luckily most of my friends/family is VERY excited. Like you I have been heavy all my life, tried EVERYTHING under the sun to lose it and can't. I remember when I was 21 I lost and got down to a size 22, that lasted for about 4-6 months until my thyroid went autoimmune and really screwed me up. Then I found out several years later I had PCOS too. My endocrinologist now told me about lap-band and how it was my "best option". She said w/ my 2 illnesses that I will just keep getting bigger and bigger, pretty much no matter what I do. I made up my mind then and there!!

I do have one friend who doesn't agree w/ my decision. She said that said I should just "strictly diet" eating low carb options and work out (like she has). I have been doing that for years, and no change...just holding off massive gains I suppose. Well I was of course VERY UPSET at the lack of support, and haven't talked to her much since then. I heard thru a friend that she was complaining of gaining weight no matter what she tried (she has PCOS too). Well she can do what she wants, I KNOW I'm doing the right decision for me!!! You are too...STAY STRONG no matter what anyone says. You know your body best!!!

:biggrin:

[MADE IT 2 MY GOAL..OH YEAH 0]

Sorry to hear that your family is supportive of your decision to have the lap band. I know that is it hard to make this decsison especially when you have people close to you that don't agree with it. I know this first hand because my dad isn't totally in agreement with me on my decision. Sometimes no matter how much it hurts knowing they are against you, you have to do what you think is best.

[jhawkchick75 0]

I am going through the same thing right now. I brought it up to my mom first (parents are divorced) and she has been supportive 100 percent from the get go. Sometimes I think she is more excited that I am! :biggrin: But my dad has been a whole different story. I really shouldn't be surprised though - he's "tried" to help all my life but doesn't know how and so it ends up with me eating twice as much.

When I told him, the first thing he said was he asked me if it was really necessary and if I could just eat salad. Then, he asked me if I realized that this would mean I couldn't eat McDonalds again! He treats me like i am stupid and he just doesn't get it.

I haven't told anyone else and I don't know how I will deal with that. I think many of my friends will understand but I know of a few that will not. For me, it's not the bigger ones it is the thinner ones. They think it is all about diet and exercise. If it were that easy I would be thin! Unfortunately that is not how it works. So i've decided that i'm doing it with or without their blessing and hopefully they will understand. Funny though, these are the same people that had no problem with some of our friends spending thousands on breast implants! Funny huh! :smile:

I just remind myself that for the first time in my life I am taking care of ME. It is long overdue and very necessary. Luckily my mom is on my side and will be going with me.

Good luck everyone!!

[di1138 8]

I spent the weekend upset with my Sons and their attitude regarding my surgery. My oldest can not find a good thing to say. He tells me about all the negative stories he sees on the internet. He also told me that the positive stories are written from the doctors who preform the surgery. ( my son is 31 not 12!) He and his wife were supposed to take me out this weekend for my birthday dinner. I refused to go and be judged by him. Both my sons have been concerned about my weight but do not support the surgery. I think they are both looking for the opportunity for some thing to go wrong so the can say"I told you so". All I can say is we have to do what is best for us and the hell with them!

[kaytiebugs 0]

I'm taking this approach - it's none of there business. My health problems are none of there business. There are family members who I know will have such opinions about me getting surgery, so I'm not talking to them about it. Pretty much everyone knows. Most of them have the manners enough to keep there opinions to themselves. Just be strong and firm on your stance. Don't let people make you feel bad about yourself, your decision, nothing. Be strong. Stick to your guns. Don't feel obligated to explain your reasoning to your sister or anyone. I just hope you have someone who is going to support you through this because it's not going to be easy. After surgery they'll probably be more supportive... or at least I'd imagine.